Introducing The REAL Villains Of Neopia!

Out there in that somewhat mysterious world that we reside in, are some really evil villains who affect people and pet's lives every day, and guess what? They themselves aren't even considered as villains! The thought alone infuriates me deeply because I know that many owners out there don't realize who these people or pets are. Well, I'm here, right now, to inform you, the reader, and the rest of the world, who the REAL villains of Neopia are. So wipe away the stereotypical villains that, in your mind, you THOUGHT were evil, and open it up for the true baddies…

Taelia the Snow Faerie

The first "real" villain to top our list is Taelia the Snow Faerie. Presently residing in her little hut at the top of Terror Mountain, Taelia hands out quests to the unfortunate (and stupid, if I may add) owners who come out and pay her a visit. She asks for items that are ridiculously expensive, and when the owner brings the item back to Taelia, in return, she gives them cheap and inexpensive items that are pretty much useless!

She says that she needs these items for the mysterious spells that she wishes to complete, but I ain't seein' any spells being made around her shack! I'm 99.99% sure that she simply asks for items that she needs for her own personal use. Who needs 2000NP worth of make-up for their spells?! This is an un-honourable trait of dishonesty, and basically highway robbery. And Taelia, one word of advice, lay off the make-up for a while. Your face resembles a bit too much like my brother's old Halloween mask.

The Mystery Island Mystic

Unfortunately for this elderly, and somewhat fanatical Kyrii, he's the next pet to be considered as a malicious villain. Many of you are probably wondering why this innocent Kyrii would EVER be considered as a malevolent baddie. I'll tell you why: BECAUSE OF HIS SILLY AND DANGEROUS ADVICE! Not so innocent now, eh, little…Mystery Island Mystic.

The Mystic is particularly dangerous to the young pets that prod around his booth each and every day. Kreludor knows what fortunes he's giving them up there! Do you realize that even your very own pet(s) could be in grave danger? Have you always been wondering why your pet has an unexpected urge to play Poogle Solitaire?

If you are wondering about this and are puzzled, well, guess what I found during the visit that I took to the Mystic one fall day (for researching purposes, of course)? It was a crisp slip of paper that was lying on the ground, alongside the Mystic's closed booth. On it said:

One day you will have a sudden urge to play Poogle Solitaire…

Now why in White Weewoo would a pet have a sudden urge to play a game that doesn't even exist?! See my friend! Those are some scary fortunes that the Mystic is giving to those pets up there!

And not only is he giving them stupid fortunes, but many times, he's saying that buying things will bring you happiness! Like on this other slip of paper that I later discovered:

You will one day buy a Faerie Queen Doll. When this day comes, you will be happy for the rest of your life…

Now that's not the values that we've taught our pets for ages! The Mystic is destroying everything we've so desperately taught them! My advice is to just keep you and your pets away from that foolish Mystic for good! You'll be glad you did, and hopefully, so will your pets!

Note: Be warned, though, that the Mystic has many more tricks up his already dirty sleeve! I've just listed a few of his evil doings, but trust me, there are WAY more. If you're curious or frightened, and want to find out some other things that the Mystic may be teaching your kids, immediately contact the White Weewoo Center for Weewoo fanatics. Linny is the manager there, and she'll always be happy to give you a kind hand. A kind hand of Weewoo dumplings that is! Just joking, forget you ever heard that! As you can see, I'm a bit crazy at the moment…

Turmaculus

Well, having this fatso on the list was obvious from the very beginning! He's lazy, lazy, lazy, obese, overweight, and incredibly cruel! Yuppers, this dude is definitely a wicked villain just because of one, little, disgusting reason: he eats petpets.

Come on, let's all say it at the same time: EWWWWWWWW! Isn't that just totally sickening? I'm certain many of you are probably wondering, "Why would this beast ever want to eat our beloved pets?" [Shrugs] Just because petpets try to wake up him up. Shocking, isn't it?! Why should the Turmaculus be eating petpets just because they're trying to wake him up?! He's the one who's taking up all that space and is so lazy he can't even get his fat butt of the ground for weeks, even months! And so what if he gives petpets more levels? They deserve to receive hundreds of added levels with all the horrendous chaos that he's caused. I just hope that King Skarl does something about this devastating crisis! Speaking of rich, greedy creatures…

Snowager

The final creature to hit the list is, of course, the Snowager! Frankly, the Snowager is the greediest creature you'll ever hear about. He practically invented the word greedy! He's stolen hundreds of precious items that are worth millions, and he's hidden them in his icy lair. Many pets came around each day to see if they can get hold of one of those items, but NNNNNNNOOOOO, the Snowager just HAS to keep everything to himself! What does he do with all these items anyway? I doubt he needs dozens of Glamour Neggs for his daily life! If you can call it a life, that is! All he does each day is protect his stolen goods and sleep! URGH, I JUST HATE THAT MONSTROUS VILLAIN!

OKAY, OKAY, I CONFESS!

CONGRATS! You actually got through one of the longest banters I've ever written! Those four I listed aren't villains! I JUST HATE THEM, PLAIN AND SIMPLE! I knew I had to do something that would get everybody to hate them, so I wrote this article just for that purpose! Plus, I was paid by all of the villains to have their names featured in the Neopian Times and make it seem like they were the good guys/girls. But they're not! They're just filthy, stinkin', ugly villains that have no life! There! I said it!

MUTANT GRUNDO: THAT'S IT! YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!

ME: B-b-but, what did I do?

MUTANT GRUNDO: DO NOT SPEAK! DR. SLOTH WILL HAVE A LITTLE CHAT WITH YOU UPON YOUR RETURN.

ME: UH-OH! Uh--see ya later readers! This is Blubblub317, signing off for yet another informart--

MUTANT GRUNDO: I SAID BE QUIET!!

ME: Sorry…

Author's Note: Hey everyone and thanks for reading another one of my wacky articles! If you have comments, I'd love to hear them! BYE!