For an easier life Circulation: 119,338,143 Issue: 240 | 19th day of Hunting, Y8
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Eye to Eye


by x_the_black_dragon_x

--------

WARNING!!! If you are eating right now, thinking about eating soon, or just finished eating, I highly suggest that you do not read this article unless you are okay with gross Neopian foods! Trust me, you really will be doing your stomach a gigantic favor by not reading this article. Also, if you do not like asparagus or Adam or eye motif vases, please skip #14.5 in the list.

Eyes are just the most fabulous (I mean second or third to being the most disgusting) type of Neopian food there is. The smooth texture, the crunchiness, the delicious (revolting) taste… The only problem I have with it is my food keeps staring at me in such a strange and eerie way and my pets keep complaining that it tastes horrible (but I do more of the complaining). But one thing they all agree on is they’d rather eat eyeballs rather than one of Adam’s asparagus concoctions. *rolls eyes* I’m thinking it’s about time somebody wrote an article about foods with eyes as one of the main ingredients.

1) Chilled Eyes with Clam Sauce – Ahhh! Nothing better than some chilled eyes covered in a delicious clam sauce! This, ladies and gentlemen, is 100% top-quality gourmet food!

2) Pasta and Eyes – If you ever want to eat pasta, but you’ve run out of meatballs, why not use some fresh eyeballs as a replacement? I’m sure you’ll absolutely love how much more succulent they are compared to plain, old meatballs.

3) Mashed Eye Potato – Whoever said that vegetables aren’t good for you is correct and the mashed eye potato proves this is true (and I always thought Adam and his asparagus were enough evidence of that). Also, whoever said that potatoes are the most favorite vegetable to people in the “real” world is likely to change his or her mind soon.

3.14) Eyeball Pie (or pi) – Once you think every pie in the Neopia, including the ghastly Meerca pie, you see an eyeball stuck in a disgusting pie made of maggots, sludge, and apple. This is one dessert that almost everybody is guaranteed to detest.

4) Chilled Eyeball Custard – Eyeballs are the least of your worries in this unusual and strange custard. I’ve heard that it isn’t so bad, so long as you eat with your eyes closed shut. I wonder if that bat on the straw is real…

5) Jellied Eyeballs – This is food fit for the Grundo aliens! The jelly has been dyed with red food coloring. Or at least, I hope it’s made of red food coloring.

6) Chocolate Coated Eye – As if jellied eyeballs and chilled eyeball custard isn’t enough dessert! The chocolate is absolutely delicious and to DIE for! Sadly, whoever is the owner of this… err… “delicious” eye did. I wonder if this has anything to do with that haunted chocolate factory in Neopia Central.

7) Pickled Eyeballs – If there’s anything scarier than the two floating eyeballs in the jar, it’s the ingredients in the strange brine and the fact that this jar used to hold PICKLES! It makes me shudder to say the name of such an evil vegetable… or are cucumbers fruit, even after soaked in brine?

8) Jhudora Eyeball Pasta – Mmmm! I just love that eyeball taste. It’s really eye-popping, don’t you think? The pasta, including the eyes, is all purple and green, Jhudora’s colors.

9) Jar of Eyeballs – The best part about these eyeballs is that you can not just only eat them, but you can also use them as a part of a spell. On Sophie’s or Edna’s birthdays (if they have one), you can give them a jar as a present. Isn’t that nice?

10) Lime Jelly Eyeball – Okay, this eyeball is made of lime jelly, not eyes, but it’s still pretty eye-ish. It’s squishier than a regular eye, so that makes it look a bit freaky.

11) Eyeball Sushi – This is just wrong! I used to like eating sushi a lot, but now I’m not so sure anymore. If you take out the eyeballs, the fish and the sushi wrap would taste good.

12) Eyeball Slurpy – Gross! Somebody, please fish that eyeball out of the drink for me. The fact that the eyeball has been skewered with a toothpick makes it even more gruesome.

13) Eyeball Fungus – Oops… somebody forgot their eyeball and left it out in the sun for far too long. Fungi are starting to grow on the iris and the pupil. I used to like eating mushrooms, too.

14) Eye Candy – As a strange (and perhaps very cruel) joke on Christmas, I gave eye candy to every member in my guild, (Yep, everybody, that present was from me!) but I gave them some other less repulsive presents besides the candy, so I’m not THAT cruel, right? Sorry to everybody in my guild. ;-) It was just a joke. Well, anyways, back to the article. Many Neopians think eye candy is made by accident. The description of eye candy is:

“Looks like somebody went too near the toffee apple machine...”

Maybe it was created on accident, but still, it’s a yummy treat. *Crunch!*

14.5) Eye Motif Vase

Adam: Hi! This is Adam, the one member of TNT that everybody loves! The eye motif vase is perfect for you’re a neohome with a Lost Desert them, but if you ever get hungry, you can just eat the vase. Isn’t that neat? Well, maybe it may taste like clay and sand and dirt and asparagus, but… not everything tastes as good as spicy pink asparagus and onion soup, you know? Also, it is PERFECT for carrying asparagus around. I-

x The Black Dragon x: Adam, get out! And take your asparagus with you! Sorry, folks. He and his… asparagus creatures… like to crash into articles frequently, uninvited. You never can expect manners from asparagus and their little friends (more like their family or worshippers).

15) Eye of Mortog Soup – The description for this extremely unusual soup is:

“Ewww... someone must have raided Edna’s supply cupboard for this foul recipe.”

Well, at least we know what Edna eats for supper every day.

16) Glaring Eye Wrap – Umm… is it me, or is this eye looking a bit angry? I ought to enter this eye wrap into a staring contest. This wrap would win for sure.

17) Eye Cauldron – This cauldron may not be food, but you can use it for cooking. It adds a unique eye-like flavor to whatever you’re cooking sometimes, so beware! I wonder if it’s a real eye or a fake eye, but who has an eye big enough to be used for a cauldron?

Eye (I) hope you liked my article, and I also hope that eye haven’t upset anybody’s stomach. If so, I am dreadfully sorry and I apologize. Eye sushi and eye of mortog soup isn’t the best thing to say during somebody’s lunch, is it? Remember to never ever forget that there are always eyes floating around in your neopets’ soup! I’m just kidding! Thanks a lot, everybody, for reading my article today! :-D

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Button the Slorg
Splat!

by rl337

---------

Project Negative
I'm so glad to meet you!

by unlawfull

---------

The Grand Adventures of Kirsya and Durnya
Mmmm... Pink Donut.

by bluey_doodles

---------

Notions and Nonsense: The Argument
Wait a second, that's not the result I wanted!

Art by scarrift

by patjade




Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.