The Unknown Eating Habits Of Celebrities
Have you ever wondered what some of our heroes eat? Be it sugar doughnuts or snot
cupcakes, we love our idols just the same, don't we?
I decided to make a list of some of the famous Neopians that might just be
snacking on those milk chocolate peophins daily, and go see them about their...'problem'.
I started off on a warm Meridell day with a light breeze, perfect for questioning.
I checked my list. First up was our good old grumpy friend, King Skarl.
Me: Nice day, isn't it?
Skarl: Get on with the joke!
Me: What? Ah! No, I'm not here for jokes, I'm here for a little insight on
Me: *getting out a notepad* What did you have for breakfast this morning?
Skarl: Why should I tell you! Grrr!
Me: You should tell me because...because...I work for Dr Sloth! (I don't, but
he won't know that!)
Skarl: Oh Fyora! Urr... Let's see... I had two strawberry kau cream cakes,
five sticks of banana and chocolate rock, a black cherry slushie, a few slices
of mushrolivepepper pizza, a ransaurus steak, a lot of starberry techo biscuits
and a bacon and eggs ice cream. Did you get all that?
(In fact I hadn't, I was staring open mouthed at King Skarl, both pencil and
pad discarded on the floor.)
Me: Oh Fyora...
Skarl (With gritted teeth): Anything wrong with that!?
(You could tell he was getting flustered.)
Me: Not... really... Though how can you eat so much?
King Skarl: How dare you!!?!!!?! Get out of my castle!! GUARDS!
Me (Still staring at Skarl): What? What did I say!?
I still didn't understand why he chucked me out. I mean, that was a lot of
food! Well, you now know of Skarl's diet. Seeing as I was now in the town of
Meridell, I decided to explore and seek the culture of it. I hadn't got far
when I spotted a familiar figure (yet not familiar) running down a hill, batting
what appeared to be a roll of cheese, shouting,
"No left you silly cheese! RIGHT! Keep going now... LEFT!"
In fact it was none other than Dr Frank Sloth! I had had no intention whatsoever
of inviting him for an interview, but now that the perfect opportunity had arose,
there was no stopping me!
"Excuse me!" I called at Sloth, who was frantically waving his arms at the
Cheeseroller techo for deliberately obstructing the finish line. Sloth turned
round, and I asked him if I could have a word. He reluctantly (but with some
persuasion) accepted, on the condition that the interview was to be done in
the Space Station. Sloth transported me to his office, and sat me down behind
a large wooden desk, on an old chair.
Sloth: So, mortal, what is your business?
Me: Do you eat mashed potatoes with strawberry sauce?
Sloth: What kind of fool nonsense is this!? Get out of my sight, human!
Me: No wait! Do you eat mint chocolate unis? Or chocolate dipped marshmallow
Sloth: Well! No I...As a matter of fact chocolate dipped marshmallow grundos
rather take my fancy...But that doesn't mean this conversation is of any importance!
Go away, fool!
Me: Ah! Do you like chocolate? Succulent milk chocolate wockies, and chocolate
milk with chocolate chip cookies and chocolate coated marshmellows with...
Sloth (interrupting): NO! Stop! I command you! What power is this to overtake
me with memories of human food! I refuse for this conversation to carry on!
Me: Well you have no right to close this conversation.
Sloth: And why is that!?
Me: Because I work for Dr Sloth.
Sloth: You most certainly do not!
Me: I most certainly...wait...
Sloth: Foolish Neopian! You will pay for what you have done!
Sloth: Guards! Take this waste of human out of my sight. I will rule Neopia!
The hugely built grundo guards started closing in, whilst I thought of one
more question to ask the famous Dr Sloth.
Me: Why do you want to rule Neopia?
Sloth: If you have to know, a certain game involving cheese situated in Meridell
really annoys me... Wait... I didn't tell you that!
Me (chuckling): Oh yes you did!
I had laughed then. According to me, I had done something no-one else in Neopia
had dared do before. 'Insult' Dr Sloth and find out his most precious (and rather
amusing) secret! Did the Space faerie do that all those years ago? No way. It
was rather funny until the grundo guards dragged me away and took me to the
edge of the Space Station. I saw the whole of Neopia before me, the terrible
Terror mountains, the horrid Haunted woods and the fabulous Faerieland! But
before I knew it, I had been thrust off the Space Station and was hurling down
to Neopia! Luckily I landed in Faerieland. Unluckily I landed in Jhudora's cloud.
A dark faerie lifted me out of the slime I had landed in and pulled me upright.
"What are you doing here?" Jhudora sneered. Spitting out slime, I managed to
Jhudora: And why is that?
Me: Because I work for... Illusen. (Again, I don't. I decided not to use the
word 'Sloth' this time. )
Jhudora: My loathful wreck of a sister. Carry on with your request, mortal.
Me: Why are you letting me carry on!?
Jhudora: I am not stupid. Unlike you, who brings up the matter. Anyway, I would
dare not harm workers of my sister. Not that I fear her. I strongly aim to keep
out of the ways of the faerie queen.
Me: What, Fyora?
Me: Sorry. About this interview. I was wondering if you have had a sausage
and chips hot dog recently?
Jhudora: Are you questioning my weight?
Me: Maybe I am.
Jhudora: You spiteful human! Suffer the wrath of my powers! I shall make you
regret you never visited here, you slime covered lump of...
At that moment I never heard what Jhudora was about to say. Something had whisked
me away from the scene, and later I had come to realise it was Illusen. If I
hadn't already spoken to Jhudora, King Skarl and Dr Sloth that day, I would
have been overjoyed with seeing Illusen, but I had, so I wasn't all that excited.
Illusen put me down on a patch of white fluffy cloud, some distance away from
Illusen: What were you doing in my sister's place! You could have been seriously
Me: I was interviewing her!
Illusen: Oh! Can you interview me?
In fact, I didn't really want to hurt Illusen's feelings. It was either I asked
her about her eating habits, or I declined to interiew her. I decided on the
Me: Okay. What do you think of chocolate yurble cupcakes?
Illusen: Quite tasty!
I was astonished to see Illusen acting postively to such a personal question!
Illusen: Do carry on!
Me: All right! Do you enjoy pepperoni pizza doughnuts? Kiko Lake cookies? Chocolate
fish pop milkshakes? Cheese covered caramel apples?
Illusen: Yes, yes, yes and yes! Why are you asking these sorts of questions
anyway, may I ask?
Me: Just so I can publish the results in the NT.
Illusen: Neopian Times?
Me: That's the one.
Illusen: But that gets published all over Neopia!
Illusen: Now everyone will know I eat loads of rubbish food and use a slimming
Me: *scribbles it down* Now they will!
Illusen: Why you... FYORA!
Me: No need to curse!
Illusen: No I mean literally, FYORA!
Fyora had landed behind me with a swish. At the time I thought I was done for.
Fyora: Illusen, you called?
Illusen: This human has deliberately tried to inform the planet of my potion
Fyora (to me): This true?
Anyone would have said no, but I, being me, couldn't miss the chance.
Me: Do you drink chocolate achyfi?
Me: What about popcorn sandwiches?
Fyora: As again, no.
Me: Banana split chia pops?
Fyora: Not at all.
Me: Do you like buttered crumpets?
Me: You do?!
Fyora: Urr... Yes?
Me: *scrawls on notepad*
Me: *shows Fyora the notepad, consisting of a large Fyora next to about five
Fyora: How dare you! You have angered the Faerie Queen! Prepare to meet your
fate, you scoundrel!
Me: Nooo! Wait! I have a secret of Dr Sloth's!
Fyora: Nothing will save you now!
Me: Dr Sloth only wants to take over Neopia because he hates Cheeseroller!
Fyora: How did you know that?
Me: I asked him, of course!
Me: I am not!
Fyora: Don't argue with me, human.
At that moment I had scurried away to catch the next bus home. In one day,
I had angered King Skarl, Dr Sloth, Jhudora, Illusen and the Faerie queen herself!
Just trying to find out some much needed information on our celebrities! Cor.
Talk about moody. But I suppose I should give you this advice: Don't go asking
celebrities about their eating habits!