Lennert's Lawn Ornament, Take 2: Part Two
The skies above Neopia Central had cleared up considerably
in the past hour, allowing the sun to peek through and reveal the time - somewhere
around two o' clock or so. And down on one of the many yellow streets and roads
that ran through the city walked a familiar duo - a certain green Kyrii and a
certain red Lenny - on their way home from a rather sad (I.E., pathetic) funeral.
Lennert, carrying his golden lawn ornament Goldy
in one wing, heaved a sigh. "Oh Pinky… he was such a good lawn ornament…"
Hawkins, the Kyrii, stopped suddenly, turning
to the Lenny beside him. "Lennert, would you shut up about that lawn ornament!"
he shouted angrily, his green-furred face blushing red with rage. "Honestly!
It was just a lawn ornament - it was made of plastic! And I just dished
out nine-hundred Neopoints to pay for its funeral! So can we please just
"You never even cared about him, did you?!"
Lennert cried back, waving his wings in the air wildly. "To you, he's just another
"He was just a lawn ornament!"
"Humph!" Lennert folded his wings across his
chest, turning his back to his roommate - only to notice an odd spectacle.
About fifty lawn ornaments - all pink, all shaped
like Lennys - were spread out across the street and sidewalks behind the two
roommates. They were all just simply standing there, all facing forward, their
beady black eyes focused on the two pets standing on the sidewalk in front of
Lennert froze, hugging the golden lawn ornament
he was carrying a little tighter to his chest. "Hawkins… what's going on?"
Hawkins, mouth agape, shook his head. "I don't
know… maybe we should just keep going…"
Nervously, both pets turned and continued to
make their way down the street, trying hard not to look back at the scene behind
them. After about ten steps, Lennert happened a quick peek back - and let out
a small whimper.
"Hawkins…" he muttered, stopping and turning
back around completely. "They're… they're…. following us!"
Hawkins froze, glancing back. Indeed, the lawn
ornaments were still standing there, not more than five or six steps back. They
had moved up along with the pair! Hadn't they...?
"Hawkins… I think they're stalking us!" Lennert
squeaked quietly, trying to keep his voice low.
The green Kyrii shook his head, his eyes locked
on the lawn ornaments behind him. "No… it can't be! That doesn't make any sense!"
Still facing the "flock" of Lennys, Hawkins took a few steps backwards.
The lawn ornaments made no move. They simply
stood there, unmoving, spread out across the street, all eyes focused on the
two pets before them.
"Okay, Lennert, here's the plan," Hawkins explained,
feet carefully stepping backwards, eyes focused on the gnomes. "We're just gonna
walk backwards the whole way home. Just keep facing them and they won't move.
It's only another block or so, so we should really have no trouble as long as
Suddenly, Hawkins tripped over some unseen object.
Hitting the ground with a thud, he peered up to see what he had fallen over
- and stared straight into the eyes of yet another pink lawn ornament!
"Ahh!" Hawkins let out a startled cry, scrambling
to his feet and back a few steps.
"Oh my gosh!" Lennert cried. "We're surrounded!"
And sure enough, they were - whereas before,
the lawn ornaments had only been behind the duo, now, they had somehow managed
to encircle the pair and trap them in a large circle in the middle of the street.
"We're gonna die!" the Lenny wailed. "Aww, I
knew the end was near - fate would never allow me to live! Not after discovering
the secret behind the chocolate chip companies and why we never see vanilla--"
"Lennert! Shut up and listen!" Hawkins shouted,
grabbing his partner by the shoulders and shaking him. He then leaned in close,
lowering his voice to a hurried whisper. "Now, I've got a plan. When I say go,
we're gonna charge straight through them. Just knock them over! It shouldn't
be that hard since they only come up to our knees… think you can do it?"
Lennert, genuine fear etched onto his red-feathered
face, nodded quickly in response. "Yeah, I think I can."
"Good." Hawkins eyes suddenly caught sight of
the golden Lenny ornament Lennert still carried. "And get rid of that dumb thing!
It's only gonna weigh us down!"
"What?! No!" Lennert hugged the ornament closer
to himself. "I can't give up Goldy - that's what they want! They're jealous
of him because he's gold and they're all… boring and pink! They're like bullies,
but… in reverse! They probably think he's their god and want to sacrifice him
Hawkins blinked. "Lennert, if he's their god,
why would they sacrifice him?"
"Because they're god-sacrificing lawn
Hawkins rolled his eyes. "Fine. Whatever." He
turned back to face the army of ornaments in their way, preparing himself to
charge through them. "Okay… ready… set… GO!"
With that, the two pets rushed the ornaments,
kicking over pink lawn decoration after pink lawn decoration as they went. Lawn
gnomes flew through the air like pink Lenny lawn ornaments being kicked in the
air as the two went, stomping and trampling and punting as they stampeded through.
Finally, they reached the other side and kept
going, rounding the corner and bolting down the street until they finally reached
their red-brick, seven-story apartment building. The duo ducked through the
double-doors, finally stopping in the apartment lobby and leaning against the
walls to catch their breaths. The lobby was empty and plain, with a white-and-black
checkered linoleum floor, the tenants' mail-slots on one wall and stairs leading
to the upper levels on the other.
Hawkins' breathing was quick and ragged as he
spoke. "…O….kay…" the Kyrii started, gasping for breath as his heart thundered
in his chest. "I think… we…. got away… from them…." He chanced a glace over
to the door - and let out a strangled cry! For through the glass double-doors,
Hawkins could see the whole flock of ornaments standing right outside the apartment
Lennert couldn't speak; he only managed a mere
weak whimper, hugging the golden version of what now stood outside (which he'd
managed not to drop on their charge) close to his chest.
"C'mon!" Hawkins yelled, grabbing Lennert's wing
and practically dragging him across the lobby towards the stairs.
The two hurried up the stairs, Hawkins in front,
Lennert - still clutching tightly to his golden lawn gnome - being dragged in
The duo dashed up landing after landing, rushing
past hallways and apartment doors as they went. The stairs were brown and squeaky
with age at places, which went along well with the worn-out brown wooden-paneled
walls and splintering banister. On each landing was a green, dirty, worn carpet
layed out to meet the two pets as they sprinted their hearts out up the stair
Finally, with Hawkins in the lead, the duo reached
the fourth floor and rounded the corner - only to find the entire hallway leading
down to their room blocked by pink Lenny lawn ornaments!
Old, dirty, worn out lights in the ceiling shown
down on a red carpet with stains throughout and brown, scratched-up walls with
a hole punched in it here and there. But it was neither the holes nor the stains
that the fearful Kyrii and Lenny were transfixed on - instead, it was the army
of pink Lenny lawn ornaments blocking their way. Ornaments with beady little
black eyes… with thin sticks for legs… perched up straight in an all-too menacing
Lennert let out a small squeak, his eyes wide
in terror as his breathing elevated near hyperventilation-type levels. "Hawkins…
"C'mon!" Hawkins ordered, taking charge at once
as he grabbed hold of Lennert's wing and continued pulling him up the stairs.
"We've gotta get to the roof!"
Step after step the two pets climbed, rushing
up the steps as fast as their respective legs would carry them; taking fifteen
steps, then making a turn as the circularly-rectangle staircase twisted upwards.
As the duo rounded one of the turns, Lennert tripped, collapsing on the steps
in short, scraggy breaths.
"Hawkins…I… can't… go on!" The Lenny wheezed
between gasps of breath. "Go! Continue on without me! Just... take Goldy and
go! Get… outta here!"
Hawkins rolled his eyes. "Lennert, stop messing
around! We don't have time for this! Now get up and come on!" And with a heavy
grunt, Hawkins managed to pull his roommate to his feet and, with said roommate
still being dragged by the wing, the two continued up the winding staircase.
Soon, the stairs came to an end - a door! Hawkins
threw his shoulder into it and it flew right open, revealing to Lennert and
him the sight of their apartment roof. And here, a scene met Hawkins that made
his eyes widen in fear and his breath catch in his throat-
-Lennys! Everywhere! The very same pink Lenny
lawn ornaments that had been chasing them the whole time - and more! At least
a hundred of them all spread out around the roof; near the edge, on and around
a few clotheslines that hung about, on the air conditioning duct…
Both pets froze, unsure of what to do next. Finally,
in a small, quiet voice, Hawkins muttered, "Okay… maybe we should go back down…"
But turning back to the door, the two found their
way blocked - in the space of the five or six steps that separated them from
the door, pink Lenny lawn ornaments had materialized, seemingly out of nowhere,
to block their way back down.
The two were entirely surrounded! Trapped!
"Okay, that's it! Nobody move!"
Hawkins looked over to see Lennert wielding
a large can of some sort with a nozzle on top which was turned and aimed at
the Lenny lawn ornaments in front of the duo.
"Keep back!" Lennert shouted, holding the can
out in front of him. "Keep back or I'll mace you all!"
Hawkins' eyes roved from the can to the Lenny
holding it. "Lennert, first - where did you get that can from? And second, that's
not mace, that's whipped cream…"
"First… I dunno… And second…" Lennert turned
very suddenly towards Hawkins and pressed down on the nozzle, spraying whipped
cream right in the Kyrii's eyes.
"Ahhh!" Hawkins cried out, reeling back in pain.
"Lennert, what the heck was that for?" he asked, wiping whipped cream out of
"You dared to doubt the cream," Lennert replied
simply. "You had to be reeducated."
"You idiot! Gimmie that!" Hawkins reached out
and snatched the can of whipped cream away from his roommate, turning and hurling
it off over the edge of the roof, where it fell towards the streets below…
The streets below…
At just that very moment, two pets just happened
to be walking down the sidewalk past Hawkins and Lennert's apartment - Mister
Brintle, the (not so) infamous white Blumaroo of an Assistant Editor of the
Neopian Times, and a certain green Pteri known as… well, you know. Brintle was
striding ahead in front, with the certain green Pteri, looking desperate and
desolate, trailing behind him.
"Please, Mister Brintle!" the certain green
Pteri begged, trying his best to get the Blumaroo's attention as he strode on
ahead. "You've got to rehire me! I've got no job and I'm almost completely broke!
I need this!"
Brintle stopped, turning back to face the pathetic,
broken shell of a Pteri. "I'm sorry, but I just don't think I can!"
"Please!" The Pteri held up a beige bag of NP
coins, his eyes wide. "Here! Here's two-thousand Neopoints - everything I have!
You can have it if you'll just give me my old job at the Neopian Times back!"
The Blumaroo eyed the bag unsurely. "Look, I
dunno - you're just… so… unlucky!"
"Unlucky?! That's not true at all! I'm very-"
The certain green Pteri never got to finish
his sentence. Because at just that moment, a can of whipped cream fell from
the sky, striking the small, green pet right on his head and knocking him out
Brintle simply stared down at the now unconscious
Pteri laying on the sidewalk. He shook his head sadly. "You poor, pathetic,
The Blumaroo suddenly looked up. Glancing quickly
up and down the street to make sure no one was around, he bent down and snatched
up the bag of NP from the unconscious Pteri's wing. Then, with another quick
look to make sure no one was watching, he turned and hurried off down the sidewalk,
two-thousand Neopoints richer.
Back on the Apartment roof…
While all of this was happening on the ground,
back on the roof, Hawkins and Lennert remained hopelessly trapped.
Hawkins took a deep breath. "Lennert…" the Kyrii
muttered, keeps his eyes focused forward on the lawn ornaments ahead, lest they
attack when he glanced away, "give me the ornament…"
Lennert turned to Hawkins, his already-wide eyes
seemingly growing wider. "What, you mean Goldy?"
"Yes," Hawkins replied, still looking ahead.
"Give him to me! Quickly!" He reached out for the ornament.
Lennert pulled back defensively, holding the
ornament close to his chest. "What?! No! You can't be serious!"
Hawkins, still not risking the chance of taking
his eyes off of the ornaments, responded to his partner without making eye-contact,
"Lennert, I've got an idea! Now give me the gnome!"
Lennert looked down at Goldy for a few seconds,
then back up at Hawkins. "Well… you promise not to give him to them?"
"Yes, Lennert," Hawkins replied, managing to
keep his voice even and calm. "I promise not to give him, it - whatever - to
Lennert took another unsure glance at the gold
lawn gnome he cradled. "Okay…" he finally agreed reluctantly, handing the gnome
over to Hawkins.
Hawkins took the gnome and immediately tossed
it to the pink ornaments. "Here ya go!"
"Aww crap!" Lennert cried out. "I should've seen
that one coming!"
Hawkins chanced a glance back behind them and,
to the Kyrii's mild surprise, the path to the stairway door had now suddenly
and mysteriously become clear. "C'mon, Lennert," Hawkins said, making his way
backwards slowly toward the door to the stairs. "Let's get out of here."
Slowly, the two pets backed up until they reached
the doorway downstairs; Hawkins reached behind himself and opened it, slipping
in quickly, while Lennert paused to take one last look at his dear friend Goldy.
He sniffed back tears.
"Goodbye, Goldy!" Lennert waved, teary-eyed.
"You were a good lawn ornament, cut down in the prime of your life. And though
your time with us was short, we-Ack!"
Lennert let out a screech as he was yanked by
the scruff of his neck back inside the stairwell and away from Goldy forever.
Back in their apartment…
Though the whole event had taken place only
a few hours ago, things had quickly returned to normal with the two roommates,
who now found themselves sitting on the blue, plush couch in the apartment living
room, Hawkins reading a book, Lennert nibbling blankly on a cookie.
"Hey, Hawkins?" Lennert turned to his roommate
sitting next to him, whose nose was buried deep in a novel. "What do you think
ever happened to Goldy? Do you think he's alright where he is?"
Hawkins replied without bothering to glance
up from his book. "Lennert, I'm sure wherever Goldy is, he's perfectly fine…"
Goldy wasn't perfectly fine. Because as Hawkins
was saying this, Goldy was in the middle of a clearing in the heart of a far-off
jungle, tied to a post and surrounded by a whole flock of pink Lenny lawn ornaments
who, it just so happened, were burning him in a sacrificial ceremony - along
with the only known recipe for vanilla chips in existence.
Innocent pink Lenny lawn ornaments… or secret
agents of the evil chocolate corporations? Hmmm… so many questions…