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Lennert's Lawn Ornament, Take 2: Part Two


by buddy33774

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The skies above Neopia Central had cleared up considerably in the past hour, allowing the sun to peek through and reveal the time - somewhere around two o' clock or so. And down on one of the many yellow streets and roads that ran through the city walked a familiar duo - a certain green Kyrii and a certain red Lenny - on their way home from a rather sad (I.E., pathetic) funeral.

      Lennert, carrying his golden lawn ornament Goldy in one wing, heaved a sigh. "Oh Pinky… he was such a good lawn ornament…"

      Hawkins, the Kyrii, stopped suddenly, turning to the Lenny beside him. "Lennert, would you shut up about that lawn ornament!" he shouted angrily, his green-furred face blushing red with rage. "Honestly! It was just a lawn ornament - it was made of plastic! And I just dished out nine-hundred Neopoints to pay for its funeral! So can we please just move on?!"

      "You never even cared about him, did you?!" Lennert cried back, waving his wings in the air wildly. "To you, he's just another lawn ornament--"

     "He was just a lawn ornament!"

     "Humph!" Lennert folded his wings across his chest, turning his back to his roommate - only to notice an odd spectacle.

     About fifty lawn ornaments - all pink, all shaped like Lennys - were spread out across the street and sidewalks behind the two roommates. They were all just simply standing there, all facing forward, their beady black eyes focused on the two pets standing on the sidewalk in front of them.

     Lennert froze, hugging the golden lawn ornament he was carrying a little tighter to his chest. "Hawkins… what's going on?"

     Hawkins, mouth agape, shook his head. "I don't know… maybe we should just keep going…"

     Nervously, both pets turned and continued to make their way down the street, trying hard not to look back at the scene behind them. After about ten steps, Lennert happened a quick peek back - and let out a small whimper.

     "Hawkins…" he muttered, stopping and turning back around completely. "They're… they're…. following us!"

     Hawkins froze, glancing back. Indeed, the lawn ornaments were still standing there, not more than five or six steps back. They had moved up along with the pair! Hadn't they...?

     "Hawkins… I think they're stalking us!" Lennert squeaked quietly, trying to keep his voice low.

     The green Kyrii shook his head, his eyes locked on the lawn ornaments behind him. "No… it can't be! That doesn't make any sense!" Still facing the "flock" of Lennys, Hawkins took a few steps backwards.

     The lawn ornaments made no move. They simply stood there, unmoving, spread out across the street, all eyes focused on the two pets before them.

     "Okay, Lennert, here's the plan," Hawkins explained, feet carefully stepping backwards, eyes focused on the gnomes. "We're just gonna walk backwards the whole way home. Just keep facing them and they won't move. It's only another block or so, so we should really have no trouble as long as we--"

     Suddenly, Hawkins tripped over some unseen object. Hitting the ground with a thud, he peered up to see what he had fallen over - and stared straight into the eyes of yet another pink lawn ornament!

     "Ahh!" Hawkins let out a startled cry, scrambling to his feet and back a few steps.

     "Oh my gosh!" Lennert cried. "We're surrounded!"

      And sure enough, they were - whereas before, the lawn ornaments had only been behind the duo, now, they had somehow managed to encircle the pair and trap them in a large circle in the middle of the street.

      "We're gonna die!" the Lenny wailed. "Aww, I knew the end was near - fate would never allow me to live! Not after discovering the secret behind the chocolate chip companies and why we never see vanilla--"

     "Lennert! Shut up and listen!" Hawkins shouted, grabbing his partner by the shoulders and shaking him. He then leaned in close, lowering his voice to a hurried whisper. "Now, I've got a plan. When I say go, we're gonna charge straight through them. Just knock them over! It shouldn't be that hard since they only come up to our knees… think you can do it?"

     Lennert, genuine fear etched onto his red-feathered face, nodded quickly in response. "Yeah, I think I can."

     "Good." Hawkins eyes suddenly caught sight of the golden Lenny ornament Lennert still carried. "And get rid of that dumb thing! It's only gonna weigh us down!"

     "What?! No!" Lennert hugged the ornament closer to himself. "I can't give up Goldy - that's what they want! They're jealous of him because he's gold and they're all… boring and pink! They're like bullies, but… in reverse! They probably think he's their god and want to sacrifice him or something!"

     Hawkins blinked. "Lennert, if he's their god, why would they sacrifice him?"

     "Because they're god-sacrificing lawn ornaments!"

     Hawkins rolled his eyes. "Fine. Whatever." He turned back to face the army of ornaments in their way, preparing himself to charge through them. "Okay… ready… set… GO!"

     With that, the two pets rushed the ornaments, kicking over pink lawn decoration after pink lawn decoration as they went. Lawn gnomes flew through the air like pink Lenny lawn ornaments being kicked in the air as the two went, stomping and trampling and punting as they stampeded through.

     Finally, they reached the other side and kept going, rounding the corner and bolting down the street until they finally reached their red-brick, seven-story apartment building. The duo ducked through the double-doors, finally stopping in the apartment lobby and leaning against the walls to catch their breaths. The lobby was empty and plain, with a white-and-black checkered linoleum floor, the tenants' mail-slots on one wall and stairs leading to the upper levels on the other.

     Hawkins' breathing was quick and ragged as he spoke. "…O….kay…" the Kyrii started, gasping for breath as his heart thundered in his chest. "I think… we…. got away… from them…." He chanced a glace over to the door - and let out a strangled cry! For through the glass double-doors, Hawkins could see the whole flock of ornaments standing right outside the apartment building!

     Lennert couldn't speak; he only managed a mere weak whimper, hugging the golden version of what now stood outside (which he'd managed not to drop on their charge) close to his chest.

     "C'mon!" Hawkins yelled, grabbing Lennert's wing and practically dragging him across the lobby towards the stairs.

     The two hurried up the stairs, Hawkins in front, Lennert - still clutching tightly to his golden lawn gnome - being dragged in tow.

     The duo dashed up landing after landing, rushing past hallways and apartment doors as they went. The stairs were brown and squeaky with age at places, which went along well with the worn-out brown wooden-paneled walls and splintering banister. On each landing was a green, dirty, worn carpet layed out to meet the two pets as they sprinted their hearts out up the stair case.

     Finally, with Hawkins in the lead, the duo reached the fourth floor and rounded the corner - only to find the entire hallway leading down to their room blocked by pink Lenny lawn ornaments!

     Old, dirty, worn out lights in the ceiling shown down on a red carpet with stains throughout and brown, scratched-up walls with a hole punched in it here and there. But it was neither the holes nor the stains that the fearful Kyrii and Lenny were transfixed on - instead, it was the army of pink Lenny lawn ornaments blocking their way. Ornaments with beady little black eyes… with thin sticks for legs… perched up straight in an all-too menacing way…

     Lennert let out a small squeak, his eyes wide in terror as his breathing elevated near hyperventilation-type levels. "Hawkins… We… They…!"

     "C'mon!" Hawkins ordered, taking charge at once as he grabbed hold of Lennert's wing and continued pulling him up the stairs. "We've gotta get to the roof!"

     Step after step the two pets climbed, rushing up the steps as fast as their respective legs would carry them; taking fifteen steps, then making a turn as the circularly-rectangle staircase twisted upwards. As the duo rounded one of the turns, Lennert tripped, collapsing on the steps in short, scraggy breaths.

     "Hawkins…I… can't… go on!" The Lenny wheezed between gasps of breath. "Go! Continue on without me! Just... take Goldy and go! Get… outta here!"

      Hawkins rolled his eyes. "Lennert, stop messing around! We don't have time for this! Now get up and come on!" And with a heavy grunt, Hawkins managed to pull his roommate to his feet and, with said roommate still being dragged by the wing, the two continued up the winding staircase.

     Soon, the stairs came to an end - a door! Hawkins threw his shoulder into it and it flew right open, revealing to Lennert and him the sight of their apartment roof. And here, a scene met Hawkins that made his eyes widen in fear and his breath catch in his throat-

     -Lennys! Everywhere! The very same pink Lenny lawn ornaments that had been chasing them the whole time - and more! At least a hundred of them all spread out around the roof; near the edge, on and around a few clotheslines that hung about, on the air conditioning duct…

     Both pets froze, unsure of what to do next. Finally, in a small, quiet voice, Hawkins muttered, "Okay… maybe we should go back down…"

     But turning back to the door, the two found their way blocked - in the space of the five or six steps that separated them from the door, pink Lenny lawn ornaments had materialized, seemingly out of nowhere, to block their way back down.

     The two were entirely surrounded! Trapped!

      "Okay, that's it! Nobody move!"

      Hawkins looked over to see Lennert wielding a large can of some sort with a nozzle on top which was turned and aimed at the Lenny lawn ornaments in front of the duo.

      "Keep back!" Lennert shouted, holding the can out in front of him. "Keep back or I'll mace you all!"

      Hawkins' eyes roved from the can to the Lenny holding it. "Lennert, first - where did you get that can from? And second, that's not mace, that's whipped cream…"

      "First… I dunno… And second…" Lennert turned very suddenly towards Hawkins and pressed down on the nozzle, spraying whipped cream right in the Kyrii's eyes.

      "Ahhh!" Hawkins cried out, reeling back in pain. "Lennert, what the heck was that for?" he asked, wiping whipped cream out of his eyes.

      "You dared to doubt the cream," Lennert replied simply. "You had to be reeducated."

      "You idiot! Gimmie that!" Hawkins reached out and snatched the can of whipped cream away from his roommate, turning and hurling it off over the edge of the roof, where it fell towards the streets below…

The streets below…

      At just that very moment, two pets just happened to be walking down the sidewalk past Hawkins and Lennert's apartment - Mister Brintle, the (not so) infamous white Blumaroo of an Assistant Editor of the Neopian Times, and a certain green Pteri known as… well, you know. Brintle was striding ahead in front, with the certain green Pteri, looking desperate and desolate, trailing behind him.

      "Please, Mister Brintle!" the certain green Pteri begged, trying his best to get the Blumaroo's attention as he strode on ahead. "You've got to rehire me! I've got no job and I'm almost completely broke! I need this!"

      Brintle stopped, turning back to face the pathetic, broken shell of a Pteri. "I'm sorry, but I just don't think I can!"

      "Please!" The Pteri held up a beige bag of NP coins, his eyes wide. "Here! Here's two-thousand Neopoints - everything I have! You can have it if you'll just give me my old job at the Neopian Times back!"

      The Blumaroo eyed the bag unsurely. "Look, I dunno - you're just… so… unlucky!"

      "Unlucky?! That's not true at all! I'm very-"

     THONK!

      The certain green Pteri never got to finish his sentence. Because at just that moment, a can of whipped cream fell from the sky, striking the small, green pet right on his head and knocking him out cold.

      Brintle simply stared down at the now unconscious Pteri laying on the sidewalk. He shook his head sadly. "You poor, pathetic, unlucky fellow…"

      The Blumaroo suddenly looked up. Glancing quickly up and down the street to make sure no one was around, he bent down and snatched up the bag of NP from the unconscious Pteri's wing. Then, with another quick look to make sure no one was watching, he turned and hurried off down the sidewalk, two-thousand Neopoints richer.

Back on the Apartment roof…

      While all of this was happening on the ground, back on the roof, Hawkins and Lennert remained hopelessly trapped.

     Hawkins took a deep breath. "Lennert…" the Kyrii muttered, keeps his eyes focused forward on the lawn ornaments ahead, lest they attack when he glanced away, "give me the ornament…"

     Lennert turned to Hawkins, his already-wide eyes seemingly growing wider. "What, you mean Goldy?"

     "Yes," Hawkins replied, still looking ahead. "Give him to me! Quickly!" He reached out for the ornament.

     Lennert pulled back defensively, holding the ornament close to his chest. "What?! No! You can't be serious!"

     Hawkins, still not risking the chance of taking his eyes off of the ornaments, responded to his partner without making eye-contact, "Lennert, I've got an idea! Now give me the gnome!"

     Lennert looked down at Goldy for a few seconds, then back up at Hawkins. "Well… you promise not to give him to them?"

     "Yes, Lennert," Hawkins replied, managing to keep his voice even and calm. "I promise not to give him, it - whatever - to them."

     Lennert took another unsure glance at the gold lawn gnome he cradled. "Okay…" he finally agreed reluctantly, handing the gnome over to Hawkins.

     Hawkins took the gnome and immediately tossed it to the pink ornaments. "Here ya go!"

     "Aww crap!" Lennert cried out. "I should've seen that one coming!"

     Hawkins chanced a glance back behind them and, to the Kyrii's mild surprise, the path to the stairway door had now suddenly and mysteriously become clear. "C'mon, Lennert," Hawkins said, making his way backwards slowly toward the door to the stairs. "Let's get out of here."

     Slowly, the two pets backed up until they reached the doorway downstairs; Hawkins reached behind himself and opened it, slipping in quickly, while Lennert paused to take one last look at his dear friend Goldy. He sniffed back tears.

     "Goodbye, Goldy!" Lennert waved, teary-eyed. "You were a good lawn ornament, cut down in the prime of your life. And though your time with us was short, we-Ack!"

     Lennert let out a screech as he was yanked by the scruff of his neck back inside the stairwell and away from Goldy forever.

Back in their apartment…

      Though the whole event had taken place only a few hours ago, things had quickly returned to normal with the two roommates, who now found themselves sitting on the blue, plush couch in the apartment living room, Hawkins reading a book, Lennert nibbling blankly on a cookie.

      "Hey, Hawkins?" Lennert turned to his roommate sitting next to him, whose nose was buried deep in a novel. "What do you think ever happened to Goldy? Do you think he's alright where he is?"

      Hawkins replied without bothering to glance up from his book. "Lennert, I'm sure wherever Goldy is, he's perfectly fine…"

     ***

      Goldy wasn't perfectly fine. Because as Hawkins was saying this, Goldy was in the middle of a clearing in the heart of a far-off jungle, tied to a post and surrounded by a whole flock of pink Lenny lawn ornaments who, it just so happened, were burning him in a sacrificial ceremony - along with the only known recipe for vanilla chips in existence.

      Innocent pink Lenny lawn ornaments… or secret agents of the evil chocolate corporations? Hmmm… so many questions…

The End

 
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