The "new" TNT: The Neopia Tabloids

Note: This is a collaboration with fleecer. NO fruit Chias were hurt in the making of this article!

Wow! It’s hard to believe 199 issues of The Neopian Times have come and gone. As we celebrate with Issue 200 (where, I imagine you are reading this article!), fleecer and I decided to give TNT a new definition. Welcome to The Neopian Tabloid! Our roving reporters have scoured Neopia high and low looking for the hottest gossip and the strangest stories. Sit back, relax, and catch up with all the hottest news the “TNT” has to offer!

Mysterious Thefts Plague Mystery Island!

During a recent visit to the Mystery Island Trading Post (to hunt for cheap food of course) I noticed the Island Mystic outside of the Mystery Island Training School, scratching his head and muttering, “Who could have done such a thing?”

Shocked to hear a coherent sentence come from the Island Mystic, I approached him, wondering what he was talking about.

The Island Mystic saw me approaching and shook himself. “Come to have your fortune told?” he asked. Without waiting for a reply he announced, “You will be chased by a trio of crazed carrot welding K-K-K-...” Oh please say Kyriis, I thought silently, hoping to finally receive the avatar. “Kikos,” he finished.

I sighed and glanced past him. So much for that avvy.

The Techo Master was standing by the back of the school, shaking his head and eyeing the ground.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

He looked up at me. “Someone has been taking the codestones,” he explained.

“Do you have any idea who it might be?”

“No,” he sighed.

I left them, taking Mikil and Vasuki to the Trading Post to get some cheap food. On our way home I noticed a long line at the Tombola stand. Intrigued, I decided to let Mikil wait in line to play while I observed the crowd.

“You are a winner!” the Tiki Tack man announced.

I watched as he handed the Fire Lupe a Bri and Mau Codestone. A Faerie Pteri was next in line and also won two codestones.

I stared at the Tiki Tack man, trying not to let the suspicion form in my mind. But just where does he get those codestones from anyway? Sure, when he’s broke he asks for donations, but who's to say that he doesn’t pocket those Neopoints? Just look at his outfit! It must cost a fortune! I’ve never even seen those Island shirts sold in any of the clothing stores, and that mask must be expensive.

I quickly turned away and ushered Mikil and Vassy away from the Tombola stand before I became convinced that the Tiki Tack man was guilty. Vasuki protested a bit but finally gave up and plodded home.

The moment I stepped into Mikil’s room I knew something was wrong. Codestones lined the shelves and overflowed the bed.

“Where did all of these come from?” I asked after a moment of shocked silence.

Mikil shrugged and looked at Vasuki, curled on top of a pile of codestones in a corner of the room. “Vasuki has been bringing them back recently.”

Err...well, enough said about this article. Is the Tiki Tack man really using the NP for his own personal gain or is there a more *cough* mysterious force at work here? We may never know, but the good news is that the thefts have stopped, and most of the codestones have begun reappearing at the Mystery Island Training School....

Sloth and the Space Faerie Caught Playing Cheat Together!

While doing my daily game with Capara and the gang, I noticed quite a crowd at a nearby table. After nudging my way through the group of curious pets and owners, I found bitter enemies Sloth and the Space Faerie playing a fast and furious game of Cheat! Once I managed to get my voice back, I asked the popular faerie about this “truce” of sorts. With a sheepish look on her face, she replied,”Well, Sloth promised to deem me worthy of his avatar if I let him beat him.”

I guess even faeries can get caught up in avatar fever.

Snowager Gives Up Hoard

After overhearing a whispered snatch of conversation on my way to Taelia’s home, I went in search of the Snowager. Hoping to get the Snowager to confirm the story, I entered its lair. Finding the Snowager awake when I entered, I attempted to ask the great ice worm a few questions. I didn’t get far, however, before it reared up and opened its mouth to send those deadly looking shards of ice my way.

I made a quick decision to forget the story and head back to my home where it’s nice and safe. Is the Snowager really giving up its stash? Seeing Vasuki nearby, I asked him what he thought of the subject. “Well,” he replied, “how would you like guarding a pile of treasure nearly all hours of the day, and then, just as you’re finally dozing off, someone sneaks into your lair to steal a piece of your hoard!”

“Good point,” I admitted. “So do you think the Snowager will give up and leave?”

“Never,” Vasuki answered solemnly.

“Why?” I asked, startled.

Vasuki shook his head, “You wouldn’t understand.”

I watched as he wandered off to stash a shiny dubloon under the bed.

Alien Aisha Caught Stealing Paint Brushes from Jacko!

When Jacko noticed his stash of paint brushes was dwindling rapidly, he decided to investigate. After several weeks of surveillance by the Chia Police, a startling discovery was made. The ever adorable Alien Aisha of vending machine fame was handing out more then Nerkmids! It appears as though the Aisha was “borrowing” paint brushes from Jacko’s stash to use in her vending machine! No charges are being filed at this time; however, Jacko has begin demanding 15% of all vending machine profits!

Fyora Retires?

Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? How could Fyora remain the Faerie Queen forever? Who will be the next Faerie Queen? Will there still be a Hidden Tower from which to buy goods? Oops, was I not supposed to mention the Hidden Tower? Well, too late now. No harm done, it is hidden, isn't it? Now where was I? Oh yes, it seems a few of Faerieland's inhabitants have become quite anxious over the idea that the Faerie Queen might be retiring.

Hoping to be the first to cover this story, I made my way to the Hidden Tower late one night to try for an interview with Fyora. Unfortunately, the doors of the Hidden Tower were locked and no answer came when I beat on the doors. A sign told me that it was closed for inventory, but how many of these special items could she have laying around? I decided to wait.

Plopping down on the steps of the Hidden Tower to await its reopening, I retrieved my Green Lined Notebook and Basic Pen from my Punchbag Bob Backpack. Who knew those school supplies would turn out to be so handy? After awhile I began to get bored with my sketches, so I went in search of a back entrance.

Halfway around the tower I heard a cackle nearby. Turning to look behind me I saw a pack of purple creatures with large wings resembling a bat's. Not bothering to stick around and find out what they were up to, I headed for the nearest exit out of Faerieland.

Since I didn't get that interview with Fyora, I can't say for certain that she is in fact retiring. In fact, your guess is just as good as mine.

Plans Being Made to Open Advent Calendar All Year Round!

TOP secret meetings between Neopets staff and residents of Happy Valley have been happening over the last several weeks. Jamie, a Christmas Bruce and Happy Valley home owner, has been reporting back to me about these intriguing meetings. It appears as though the Happy Valley economy is lagging throughout the eleven months of the year when the calendar is down. In order to boost the local economy and encourage more visitors to the area, the residents have decided to keep the calendar open all year around. One small detail. Remember the cute Aisha that generally guards the calendar?

She’s been replaced by the Snowager.

THIS journalist has no plans to investigate.

Esophagor Diets!

A sign outside the Esophaghor's den read: "Not hungry. Come back later." Curious, I ventured inside. "Wwwhheerreee issss myyyy Flatttt-u-lessss Tabletttssss? " the Esophagor asked when he saw me.

"Flat-u-less Tablets?" I asked, startled. The Esophagor glared back at me. "What happened to your usual demands for Pumpkin Pot Pie and Grundo Stix?" I asked curiously.

"Didddd youuuu brrrinnngggg theeeee taaabbleettttsss?" the Esophagor demanded.

"Well, no," I answered hesitantly, "but I'd be more than happy to get you some if you'd agree to an interview."

The Esophagor raised his hand and pointed toward the entrance to the Haunted Woods. "Getttt outttt!"

He looked like he meant business so I quickly left his presence.

Once out of his sight, but not willing to give up the story, I made my way to Edna's Tower.

"Do you by chance have any idea why the Esophagor is refusing food?" I asked her when she answered her door.

Edna looked at me silently for a moment then answered, "I can tell you...for a price."

I agreed to her terms and half an hour later returned with the items she requested, which, consequently, weren't cheap.

She grinned and took the items from me, making her way to the boiling cauldron across the room. "Oh, he isn't on a diet like you think," she informed me. "The Esophagor is just saving up for a new Halloween Paint Brush. Those rewards do get quite expensive you know."

"Paint brush?" I asked, bewildered. "Why would he need a paint brush?"

She just looked at me and shrugged, then turned back to her work. I left her tower more confuzzled than when I first entered.

Turmaculus Turned Vegetarian?

Fruit Chia owners around Neopia have been filing missing pet reports over the last several weeks. It seems as though a large number of carrot, pea, grape, pear, and tomato Chias have gone missing. While the infamous Lupe Pack was first blamed for the missing Chias, it soon became apparent that they were innocent. Whenever a missing Chia showed up, its petpet would wander home all alone. Even more coincidentally, each Chia was last seen wandering around Meridell.

One reporter, on the pretense of visiting Turmaculas for the avvy, has reported a rather large amount of chewed fruit lying around the mammoth Turmac. Has Turmy replaced his love for petpets with a more slimming diet? Is it safe for fruity tasting Chias to continue visiting the ever sleeping Turmac? Or, is it just pure coincidence that a record number of petpets leave Turmaculas in one piece?

Only time will tell. Or, the disappearance of even more yummy, errrr, innocent grape Chias

NOTE: The above viewpoints and opinions expressed in this article do not reflect the views or opinions of The Neopets Team. The Space Faerie, well the Space Faerie does love avatars.... The Alien Aisha does not steal paintbrushes from Jacko, she gets them at a *cough* special discount. The missing fruit Chias that have been disappearing around Neopia could just be a coincidence. The Turmaculus doesn't have to be the cause behind the disappearances, they could just be going on...vacation. Does the Esophagor really want a paintbrush? Who knows? I guess we'll just have to wait and find out next Halloween. The Tiki Tack man doesn't steal Codestones to pay for his unique fashion sense, Jhuidah the Island Faerie hand makes them for him to show her appreciation for the increased flow of traffic to the Trading Post after the opening of the Tombola stand. As for the rest of it, you should know that you can't always believe what you read in the tabloids....