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GAMES ROOM - Okay, now let me start out by saying that "Whack-a-Staff Member"
is truly the most ingenious game ever made. I applaud Neopets daily for giving
us this beautiful game. I mean, not only does the game in itself serve so many
purposes that are simply a vital part of everyday life… but on top of all that,
you can actually earn REAL Neopoints 3 times a day for this wonderful game.
What could possibly be better? Well I'll get to that part later.
First off, who wouldn't want to just go around with a wooden mallet randomly
hitting people? Well that's just a given, we all do at some time or another.
(Some of us way more than others, I would say.) But of course there are all
of those pesky laws and the possibility of jail time involved. Or even an asylum,
and you know you can't get on the Internet there either. The mere thought of
this reminds me to keep my weapons at home.
And speaking of the Internet… I know I'm not the only one that sees "The Red
Pteri of Death" (aka the Neopets is Down For Maintenance page) and thinks the
world as we know it is over. Or possibly less dramatically, I simply run around
screaming that someone broke the Internet
Well, consider all of your problems solved. Even though we all know the Neopets
Staff is just sitting back eating doughnuts or playing with all the cool plushies
we have to go out and pay for, they do at least have the decency to do one thing
right. If you scroll down past "the Red Pteri of Death" you'll see that one
of the games listed to play is.. yes you guessed it: Whack-a-Staff Member! How
perfect!
*Bonk* *Bonk* *Ow* *Thud*
*Whew* Problems solved! I told you this game was great!
Okay, so the key to this game is hitting staff members. You actually get points
taken away for hitting Neopets. Well at least they're animal lovers, right?
I mean okay, I admit it. SOMEtimes I hit the occasional Mynci, but it just can't
be helped. If only they didn't look so much like the El Pickelsaur guy! Sometimes
I don't even realize what I've done until I hear no incoherent mumbling about
Tigersquash. Or sometimes it happens because of the distraction the Taelia Poster
causes. I want to hit her, but whoops! Another Mynci popped up! See what I mean
here?
Another great thing. How many times, for instance, have you spent an eternity
on that story, comic or *cough* article *cough* and it got denied? What?!? Well
just open up the game and start hitting Snowflake! You know her head is only
worth 8 points, but it surely brings a smile to my face every time I hear her
say "Quit it!". There's no other way to keep track other than counting as you
go, but sometimes I play just to see how many times I can hit her. On that note,
my personal best is 34 in one game. You're welcome to share your victories with
me if you wish.
Speaking of victories though… you know I love this game so much, it's one
of the very few I'm considered a "Grand Master" at. I mean, I like games and
all, but I'm generally the type that needs assistance loading a video game up
for the little ones in the family. I think the only other game I've reached
"Grand Master" status at is Hasee Bounce. Well, what can I say.. a girl likes
her doughnuts!
So now you ask, "What could POSSIBLY be better?" I know I've listed some valuable
pointers about the magnificence of this game, but I think I also know where
the logical next step should be: “Whack-a-Faerie”! This is genius! Life as we
know it would be complete and everyone would be HAPPY!
Just imagine the mere possibilities! How many times has Taelia asked you to
sell a major organ on the black market just to pay for her quests? I mean, you
come out with a slushie, a snowball, a few Neopoints and one less kidney! How
many points should HER head be worth?
The Fountain Faerie... will she EVER visit? Doubtful, I think I'll go knock
her around some. I'll get some other uber faeries while I'm at it. You know...
once they finally decide to grant you a quest, they never reward your battle
pet with stats. That would just be way too easy, so then you must continue buying
up Dubloons and Codestones. Hmph.. knock em out!!
Illusen... oh dear, do we EVEN want to GO there? Why not? I mean you spend
weeks doing her quests, spending a couple hundred thousand Neopoints in the
process. Then you finally get to level 35 and she has the outright NERVE to
ask for something costing a mere mil or so. Sure it worked fine for awhile just
feeding my pets "Earth Faerie Brownies", but I'd really rather just hit her
than feed her to my pets.
Then of course, there's Jhudora. Despite the serious debates, she and Illusen
have a lot of the same qualities. Weeks worth of quests, spend a couple of hundred
thousand... She seems to like Scorchstones, based on my previous experiences.
She never likes cheap ones. Yes, she must be hit.
This is therapy. We NEED it! Imagine other possibilities too. It wouldn't
even HAVE to be a Wooden Mallet. We could use... an Ice Conker, a Snowball Club,
Attack Fork, Demonic Bow... the list is practically endless. Now me personally,
I would prefer to see some blood. If the Mortogs can explode, I say the faeries
can too. But, I understand that this is a family site. So I guess this is something
I could live without. Then of course there's the possible sound effects. I can't
say I'd be too picky about these. I think about anything would make me smile
with pleasure.
So there we go. Our own little Neopian "anger management". I highly recommend
these courses. And I hope while the staff are eating their doughnuts, they discuss
some more violent.. I mean... "therapeutic" games for us addicts.
Thank you for reading and uhm, Snowflake? If I get published I promise
to avoid your head at all costs. Unless of course the Taelia Poster gets in my
way again in which case, you just simply can't hold that against me. If I'm not
published though... 34 will be a distant record!
Written with the best of intentions, love and addictions by jupitersaturn.
(The original ideas for this article were thought up by myself, jupitersaturn.
They should be taken very light-heartedly, I wouldn't consider 99% of this to
be an exact fact. I'm merely pointing out certain things I personally find to
be amusing.
However, I'd like to thank dameagatha for helping me in the editing process.
Even though some of her tips I ignored, due to my own "hard head" shall we say.
Any errors found within this article should be solely blamed upon me. Just imagine
how bad it was BEFORE I asked for a little help.)
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