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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 20th day of Eating, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 147 > Articles > Lifestyles of the Affluent and Illustrious: The Scratchcard Wocky

Lifestyles of the Affluent and Illustrious: The Scratchcard Wocky

by holycow81

ICE CAVES - Hello, I'm Six, Holycow81's glowing Poogle. I suppose you're wondering how I got into my owner's article. Well, it's a long story with lots of suspense, conflict and killer sloth clones. I should tell you about it sometime. Anyway, on my owner's "to do" list I noticed he had to write an interview with the Scratchcard Wocky for Tdyans' Neopian Times Appreciation Guild's article series, "Lifestyles of the Affluent and Illustrious". Well, if I know Cow, he's going to forget all about writing that article. That's why I'm writing it for him, just as a favour.

Anyway, I went to the Ice Caves one day, and, as research before I wrote the interview, I purchased a scratchcard.

Six: Here's 600 Neopoints. Can I have a scratchcard?

The Wocky reached into a hat and pulled out a random scratchcard.

Scratchcard Wocky: Here you go, a Race to Riches Scratchcard.

I scratched it on six spots, and got six blanks. Third time that's happened.

Six: Are the other three spaces all the same, or is this specific scratchcard worthless?

Wocky: Don't tell anyone, but sometimes I rig scratchcards like I did that one.

Six: Now THAT is what I call evil.

Wocky: Thank you very much. Never mind, please try again.

Six: No, thank you. I'm Six, and I'm here for my owner Holycow81 to write an interview with you for our guild article series.

Wocky: Oh yes, that guild... Mrs Prenderghast told me one of you was going to come around. Okay, go ahead.

Six: Okay then. First of all, what is your real name?

Wocky: I'm Wocky O'Scratchcard the Third.

That's original, I thought. Well, not really.

Six: Uh huh, good for you. How and when did you start working for this kiosk?

Wocky: Well, my family has owned this booth for generations. I got it from my father, he got it from his father, he got it from his father, and he bought it for a hundred Neopoints.

Six: Am I correct in assuming this was back before scratchcards cost 600 Neopoints?

Wocky: Yep. That 100 Neopoints has been paid off millions of times now.

Six: Wait a minute, if you've made over a hundred million Neopoints from this, why aren't you living the great life on a private island, with butlers doing everything for you?

Wocky: Because all the private islands are owned by Nigel the Chia.

Six: That jerk... So, when, would you say, was the highlight of your career as a scratchcard dealer?

Wocky: I'd have to say it was when people realized that they could sell my cards for profit. Lots of business that day.

Six: I'd think that would be a bad thing. Don't you realize your Race To Riches scratchcards are being sold for 800 Neopoints in the marketplace? Why don't YOU sell them for that much?

Wocky: It is my business theory that If I raise my prices, I'll make more profit, but I'll sell fewer scratchcards. However, If I keep it the way I am now, I make less profit, but sell more scratchcards, which actually seems to be more profitable. Do you see what I mean?

Six: But you're the only scratchcard dealer in Neopia, you can charge anything you want!

Wocky: I'm not the only dealer in Neopia; Sidney opened up his place in the Haunted Woods. Business has been slowing down since then, and when the "Test Your Strength" game opened. I'm going to have to close the place down eventually, but I'd hate to be the person in my family to lose the booth.

Somehow, I felt sorry for the Wocky, and I don't normally feel sorry for Neopets who have slowly drained away all my owner's Neopoints, which he COULD'VE spent on ME.

Six: So sorry about that. So, why aren't people allowed to buy more than one scratchcard every six hours?

Wocky: If they were, it would ruin the economy of Neopia. Everyone would be winning Neopoints whenever they want, and if they didn't, they'd LOSE all their Neopoints. There would be a combination of inflation and deflation, sending Neopia into confusion. And if no one has any Neopoints, they can't buy any scratchcards from me. And if no one buys scratchcards from me, I'm out of business.

Six: I see... If you do manage to keep your kiosk, then what do you think you'll do in the future?

Wocky: Oh, just the usual stuff. Making and selling scratchcards. Did you know that it only costs me 25 Neopoints to make each of these scratchcards? However, I'm also planning to get into the other major parts of business. I've played games, made quite a bit of money in the trading post, and opened several shops. I've also purchased lots of stock in Kacheek Telecommunications. I haven't checked it for years, but I'm sure it's worth a LOT of Neopoints now!

I decided not to tell him Kacheek Telecommunication has been bankrupt for over two years.

Six: Oh, I agree. So, on the off chance that you have to close down the kiosk, what do you think you'll do with your life?

Wocky: Well, I've always wanted to open up my very own casino right here on Terror Mountain. I'll have Krawps, Jubjub blackjack, Neopoker, Scorchy slots, every single game of chance in Neopia. Neopets and owners alike will come in, give all their Neopoints to me, and leave empty handed! Neopia will be mine for the taking!

I started to slowly edge out of that kiosk.

Six: Are there any ending words you'd like to say before I go?

Wocky: Yes. Don't make fun of me just because I haven't been updated to the NEW Wocky style, you filthy so and so Wockies!

So, there you have it. The scratchcard Wocky. You've already read the interview. Now leave. Buy a scratchcard or something. Go on now.

Note: I (Holycow81) would like to thank Tdyans for letting me write this interview for the Neopian Times Appreciation Guild, and being patient about my procrastination.

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