Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 81,443,838 Issue: 150 | 23rd day of Swimming, Y6
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The Limbo Queen Versus The Self-Proclaimed Limbo King

by wolfofthewoods


Borovan slicked back his dirty blond locks, slipping an extremely nifty pair of sunglasses on in between his ears (but he would never say “nifty”—that was just such a grandma-like word… So we’ll start over.)

     Borovan slicked back his dirty blond locks, slipping an extremely cool pair of sunglasses on in between his absolutely perfect ears (hey, why not add something to confirm the fact that Borovan is one hundred percent good-looking? Great-looking, even). His lips lifted from an impeccable set of pearly gnashers, and he pushed back the dark lenses in an incredibly good-looking way. Giving a devilish, good-looking wink, the good-looking young man slid (very attractively, mind you) under the limbo bar. The not-so-good-looking crowds burst into admiring applause (but were they clapping on his mad skills, or his mad handsomeness?).

     Borovan tossed his gorgeous tresses, waving to the squealing young female Neopets and their glowing Owners. Even the guys were cheering—Boro was an awesome limbo-er, and a fantastically charming character. Only one girl was not screaming in support and affection. One very pretty girl. An Aisha, she was. And not an unknown-loner-in-the-corner type of Aisha. She was actually quite a bit more known than our dazzling protagonist. Unfortunately, she was not infamous for something she’d done—more like something that, so many years ago, she had been unable to do.

     Kyishi. The Queen of Limbo. What rage and shame she’d had to put up with at the Gadgadsbogen limbo competition such a long while back. Now, she had returned. And she wasn’t going to put up with oily amateurs who only go to contests to flaunt their looks. Anyways, she didn’t really think he was that handsome. Not really. Only sort of a little bit. But don’t tell anyone. She’d get mad.

     Anyhow, the emerald-skinned Aisha looked on with mounting disdain as the absolutely strapping (don’t tell Borovan that I said that—he’d think it was too uncool) young fellow actually stripped out from his black leather jacket, took off his shirt, and started flexing his muscles! Of all the things one could do to disgrace the name of limbo, this was up there with saying that Morguss created it. He was flashing his teeth, perfect, sapphire spheres hypnotizing the spectators… When he saw her.

     Borovan went slack-jawed as his eyes met Kyishi’s, and he flexed his biceps extra hard—just for her. Admiration bubbled in his blood: this Aisha was going to fall in love with him, no matter what he had to do. He smoothed his hair, and took long, slow strides towards her. She’d take him in an instant. She’d fall into his arms and cry joyous tears. Borovan leaned close to her face, his breath hot. She’d…

     SMACK! A rock-hard paw whipped the adolescent in the face, sending his body careering backwards, until he lay, utterly stunned, on the sandy ground. His eyes screwed up, and he brushed off his bare, ripped abdomen.

     “What?” asked Borovan, obviously not comprehending. “What just happened? Did you… Did you..”

     “I slapped you, you greasy Snorkle,” snapped Kyishi, absolutely disgusted with the boy. “You’re lucky I didn’t try to severely injure you and your idiotic head.”

     Borovan massaged his cheek ruefully. “I’ve never been slapped before. Ever. I’ve always been the one on the sidelines, watching ugly people get slapped.” It took more than a moment for him to regain his composure, and the stands had erupted in laughter. The girls were glaring at Kyishi; the guys were laughing openly, happy to see the show-off rejected by the one girl that he wanted.

     Kyishi rolled her eyes, and, with a deft kick, engulfed Borovan’s leather jacket in hot sand. “This is no game, grease-ball. This isn’t Babaa’s-play. This is real. This is my life. I’m not going to let some chunk of greasy grease try and seduce me. You idiot.” Borovan blinked. She thought he wanted her to lose? There was only one option, then: he mustn’t let her win.

     The spectators were roaring for more limboing to be done with. Kyishi tossed her jade tresses, and narrowed her eyes in concentration. She practically glided towards the bar, back bent so much that her hair brushed the sand… The rod was ever closer, she was ready, she was confident…

      “Y’know, I really am a nice guy,” Borovan yelled, side-stepping to block Kyishi’s way under the pole. “I can buy you flowers, and chocolate, and do a bunch of romantic stuff that girls like. I like walking down the beach at sunset, in bare feet, and having bubble baths, and being a really sensitive, sweet guy who can make you feel good about yourself, and tell you you’re pretty every day of the week. You wouldn’t slap me then.” He looked up from under his long eyelashes and into her aggravated face—he was outright challenging her to give him a chance.

     “I don’t care if you’re as handsome as Chet Flash himself—just MOVE.” But Borovan would not. His lip quivered, his eyes doubled in size, a lock of hair drooped beside his cheek. And do you know what he did then? He moaned. He moaned like a little whining Puppyblew, whose Owner had decided to sell him. He moaned like baby Lupe who was hungry and thirsty and had to go to the bathroom—all at the same time. He whimpered and whined and sniveled. And Kyishi burst out in a fit of sniggers.

      “Oh, you’re just too much! Are you some kind of cheesy joke? With your white teeth, and your square jaw! Somebody, alert the media! There’s a mindless clone of the perfect man running around Neopia, and he doesn’t know how to act around female Neopets!” She giggled and snorted and chucked and guffawed and chortled, and made every weird kind of wheezing sound that’s possible to make without passing out. Borovan raised his eyebrow.

     “Does that mean you like me?”

     But that just made situations worse. Kyishi’s knees buckled, and she collapsed on the ground, rivers of hoots and cackled careening from her wide open mouth. Tears dribbled from her eyes as she rolled and kicked out in complete, overwhelming amusement.

      “You ARE joking, right?” she choked, barely managing to say anything at all through her gasping laughter. Borovan cocked his head, completely puzzled.

      “Why would I be joking? Hey… Do you not think I’m an okay guy or something?” And Kyishi erupted in yet another bout of snickering, the surrounding crowd joining in on her crowing. Borovan stood stationary, not knowing what was going on. What was going on? “…You don’t like me, do you?! Why didn’t you just say so, then?!?! That’s so… So MEAN. I don’t know how I can ever forgive you! That’s it, sister! You’ve lost your chances with the Boroster.”

     So the self-proclaimed “Boroster” snatched his leather coat from the sand, and stomped off into the horizon. And, if you’re ever wandering aimlessly near said horizon, don’t be surprised if you bump into a hopelessly lost young man, who doesn’t quite understand the possibility that someone wasn’t entranced by his good looks.

The End Author’s Note: I’m sure NO ONE could resist Adam’s charms. ^_~

This story is, from the deepest depths of my heart [insert sappiness here], dedicated to none other than the extremely famous Buddifer, Bude, Buddy33774. XD He's teh r0XX0rz. This was originally written about him, not Adam. xP Anyways, don't worry-- we're actually friends. I'm not just some loser raving fan girl who writes stories about other people. ... Or AM I?!


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