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A Guide to Conspiracy Theories


by iskalri

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It came as a big shock to many Neopians when they discovered that the peaceful Faerie Festival had been interrupted because every Faerie had turned into stone. The anguished cries of Neopians everywhere could be heard as they realised that they couldn’t use the Wheel of Excitement, or lose all their hard-earned Neopoints betting on Poogles; they couldn’t even visit Jhudora! Why anyone would want to visit that ill-tempered Faerie, we can only guess...

Since no culprit had been found and the Faeries couldn’t tell us (being turned into stone does that to you, apparently) we were left guessing what exactly happened.

Of course the Neopians did what they could do best, seeing conspiracies everywhere and coming up with the strangest theories. I guess that’s just to be expected, considering all those rumours about living Jelly and Meepits having taken over the Neopia and having replaced TNT with soulless puppets (Just kidding, everyone knows that our Overlords would never do that, right?). So, anyway, Neopians get creative and a little too paranoid when something interesting happens in Neopia. After a few complicated processes that involve boredom, the Neopets boards and a healthy amount of insanity, we will get a nice, little product called conspiracy theory. And there are a lot of them being produced in a short time. Some plausible, some unlikely and a few that are absolutely insane.

It is easy to get confused with all those strange rumours floating around, but fear not: This little guide will show you some of the most popular and some of the strangest conspiracies, so that you may soon call yourself an expert on conspiracy theories.

1. Jhudora did it:

She was one of the first to be suspected when we heard that something terrible had happened in Faerieland, and it is rather easy to see why: It is rumoured that Fyora herself has been suspicious of her and what she does on her cloud besides torturing poor Neopets with her evil quests, no on knows...

Of course, I did say that all Faeries had been turned into stone, and Jhudora seems to be no exception. However, some say that she might have made a stone copy of herself so that we don’t suspect her; after all, she is a master of hiding her doings.

Is it possible that she is behind all this? No one can deny that she is powerful, but powerful enough to turn even Fyora into stone?

2. The Darkest Faerie did it:

There is no question that she would find amusement in turning everyone to stone, and she was the first one we know of who had been turned to stone, so maybe that is her form of revenge.

There is one rather big hole in that theory, though (not that this has ever stopped someone before, mind you): The Darkest Faerie has been defeated by some brave Neopians, and we can be sure that King Altador wouldn’t have deceived us and let her escape. (Or would he?)

3. A Relic Paintbrush or a Stone Paintbrush has been used:

A big mystery, besides the who, is the how. After all, how could you turn someone as powerful as Fyora, Illusen and Jhudora to stone? The likely answer seems to be a spell, but some haven’t forgotten the power of the Paintbrushes. There are two who could turn someone to stone: The newly discovered Relic Paintbrush and the old unusable Stone Paintbrush.

The logical conclusion seems to be that someone used those Paintbrushes on the Faeries, but you should know one thing about conspiracies: Thinking too long about those things will make you go crazy, so I heard few Neopians telling everyone that the Paintbrushes themselves did it. Some of them will tell you that there are some side-effects to the Relic Paintbrushes we haven’t discovered yet (like sentience) and that we shouldn’t ever have started using them; while others will swear that this is all a revenge of the Stone Paintbrushes for retiring them.

Keep in mind that these are just some (mostly) harmless Paintbrushes...

4. The Fountain Faerie did it:

If you're thinking that I have gone crazy, don't worry. I can assure you that I haven't had to go to the hospital for treatment in a long time.

Now, the water from the Fountain has the power to change Neopets in many colours, but what about Faeries? Maybe the Fountain Faerie experimented a little too much with the water, or she might have had an accident. Water leaks can be quite dangerous, as I'm sure the workers in the Altadorian Water Plant can attest to.

Or the Fountain Faerie has been deceiving everyone and is now showing her true colours.

5. The Meepits did it:

I have a message from my Meepitian Overlords here: “We didn’t do anything. Honestly. Give us more Juice now.”

You have heard it. So stop suspecting my Overlords please, or they will get angry. You wouldn’t like that.

6. The Jelly World residents did it:

Now that’s just silly. Everyone knows that there is no Jelly World; I did tell you that Conspiracies make you go insane, right? Here you see the proof of that, but don’t worry; we admitted those poor souls to the hospital. Let us hope that they will recover and see the truth one day.

7. Jazan did it:

Why would we suspect him? Because Jazan (sorry, King Jazan) admitted arriving before King Altador and watching Hanso for a while; of course he now says he has been watching that Ixi, but he could have arrived long before that and turned the faeries to stone. And Hanso does make a convenient excuse for him. It might be possible that he was able to turn the Faeries into stone with some ancient spell that he probably has lying around in thousands in his vaults, but why would he do that? Because he wanted some new lawn ornaments, obviously.

So, here you have it: Some of the uncountable theories floating around Neopia. As you can see, our dear Neopians are rather creative and I fear for their sanity if they have to wait any longer for some new clues.

I hope you enjoyed my little guide.

 
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