Reporting live from Neopia Circulation: 179,112,207 Issue: 439 | 16th day of Eating, Y12
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Grey Shopkeepers, a Succinct and Depressive Overview


by larkspurlane

--------

Also by _razcalz_

So, Grey Day has come around again. And by “come around again” we mean “dragged its sorry carcass through yet another year despite the collective weight of Grey despair, misery, and an acute case of conjunctivitis.”

It’s time for a sincere and heartfelt account of how Grey pets get accused of being emo due to the fact that they all have lanky hair. That accusation is patently unfair. Everyone should just offer their Grey friends styling mousse and volumizing shampoo and shut up.

Just kidding, it’s actually time for an extremely informative article about sprucing up your shop for Grey Day with the shopkeepers outlined below. What better way to show your support for Grey Day than to make NP off of it? Right? Right.

So let’s take a look at what a brief browse through the shopkeepers’ database has in store for us.

We call this one “Sad Hissi Bearing Gifts of Dung.”

You would be sad too if you were bearing gifts of dung. Because everyone would run away from you and not want your stinky present. As a general rule, we would advise against using this particular shopkeeper if your shop carries wares that require a modicum of hygiene, such as items of food or products from the Pharmacy, because no-one wants their vegetarian cheeseburgers or their Flat-U-Less tablets handled by someone with dungy hands. Or wings. Or whatever Hissis have.

Yet another reason why this Hissi is sad; his limbs fall into a category heretofore undefined by science.

This squatting Buzzler has made the list because it is unique in the sense that there IS no grey paint option for Buzzlers -- and yet it still showed up when we punched in “grey.” That means it must be special in some way, besides the fact that its expression is reminiscent of that of a Kadoatie preparing to ask for a particularly outrageous UB.

Our opinion is that this is owed to the mysterious light bulb emitting a glow almost as wide as the petpet itself: it is a symbol of hope for the Grey, which is especially notable when dangled in front of a dilapidated sign announcing that red exclamation marks are now on sale for a single neopoint.

If you've ever visited some of the aspects of the site dedicated to those who spend their lives either with their nose in a book or deeply contemplating life while watching a sunset -- the Poetry Gallery comes to mind -- then you will know that the concept of Greyness is often paralleled with weight and burdensomeness.

This Flotsam is an ideal contrast because she is far from hefty -- in fact, judging from the white space around her, she is floating mid-air! As are the bubbles that have undoubtedly found her so engaging that they have followed her out of the sea. They are having a sensational time being weightless greys together. Recommended for shops specializing in existential crises.

Here is a real rarity among Grey shopkeepers, a Grey Skeith who is not actually languishing in a pit of despair. We can only assume that he is confused and thinks he is Royal, which would explain why he looks so smug. Or maybe he is Silver but was categorized in the Grey shopkeepers category for reasons unknown. Or maybe that is not actually a self-satisfied smirk but actually an expression of severe pain because the serviette on his arm is actually a rogue Ghostkerchief trying to bite him.

In any case, a nice choice for those who want the elegance of a Grey pet to adorn their shop front but do not want to send their customers spiralling into the previously-mentioned pit of despair. Recommended for those selling upscale wares, such as Faerie Books, gourmets, and overpriced furniture.

It appears that the grey Poogle, with much practice, has earned expertise in blob-imitation. Splat him in a strategic location and he will become a tourist attraction garnering attention for your shop, because he is so amorphous he is sure to be mistaken for a new Giant Jelly of some kind.

"Get your daily grey jelly here today, folks! Depress your friends today!"

This Zafara is confused and he doesn’t remember what his name is. But he is also Grey, so he gets to have a paragraph written about him. As you can clearly see on this fine Grey specimen, Grey hair is utterly and completely lanky. This Zafara is more emo than the Emo Usul.

We sincerely recommend that this grey Shoyru considers a career in the Lost Desert particularly, due to the fact that a rain cloud shadows him constantly like Jhudora does Illusen while throwing sticky missiles at her with alarming velocity. Droughts ain't got nothing on this guy and his faithful grey drizzling cloud. Your customers will never complain about the sun or lack of puddles in your shop with this Shoyru is on the job. Perhaps also suitable for people who sell gardening-related items as it would save them the trouble of having to water plants themselves. (Then they could use the Dung-Bearing Hissi’s gift as fertilizer.)

Not one of the most flattering pictures of the Grey Faerie. In fact, it is perfectly hideous. We assume that it was taken by Jhudora and made public as a form of blackmail, though for what nefarious purpose we can only guess. At any rate, if you would like to greet your clientele with a picture of the Grey Faerie when she just woke up, this is your best bet. Be warned that she may have morning breath.

This Kacheek is faithfully attempting to sell his single brown leaf. As you know, we are well into spring now, and by now, the poor fallen leaf from all the way back in autumn has seen better days. Obviously, though, this shopkeeper is skilled in handling fragile items and would be very suitable for selling items such as the Escaped Pixel. Also, his rather frazzled tail has lanky emo hair to rival that of the thoughtful Zafara.

“Oh woe is me, for I cannot pull off my own ears.”

Ah, a Grey Cybunny trying to tug off his ears. Those with an artistic eye will see in this Cybunny’s ear-tugging a symbolic rendition of the futility of existence. This shopkeeper is a powerful and moving example of the visual hum drone low monotonous buzz drone drone. As such it is most suitable to those who are avant-garde and exquisitely tasteful in terms of the way they sell their goods, such as pricing codestones at twice the price of the Shop Wizard with a pretty combination of numbers.

So there you have it, a succinct outline of how best to enhance your shop for Grey Day. We hope that this has been a useful overview and has not left anyone too depressed. Have an excellent Grey Day, and turn that frown upside down!

(Authors’ note: this article is a collaborative project between _razcalz_ and larkspurlane. We hope you enjoyed.)

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Troubled Bruce
;D Maybe it's time the little baby had his eyes checked out.

by flated

---------

Blechy - The Deserted Tomb (part 2)
...find... that... treasure...

by sheik_93

---------

How to Survive Grey Day: A Guide
*This story is not a guide on what to avoid in case of zombie apocalypse.

by notonetobequiet

---------

Werelupe Chronicles: The Search - Part One
"When you said you were going out to find your father," Marion said angrily, "I didn't know you meant Werelupe Forest."

by dragon_soul__



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.