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Perfecting Your Villainy

by puffalump10


Evil masterminds make up a significant part of the Neopian world. Some are more famous than others; for example, anyone can recognize Jhudora’s name. The best of the evil denizens are recognized in the Gallery of Evil, the ultimate acknowledgement of a true villain. If your application to the Gallery keeps getting rejected, just remember that everyone had to start at the bottom. To be a good bad guy, you need to get some basic things down pat. Once you have achieved the fundamentals, you can move on to some advanced steps.

The Evil Laugh – This also ties into having the perfect evil grin. This is THE very basic level of wickedness. If you are unable to master this step, either pick up some villain lessons or pursue a new career. That’s how important this is. Dr. Sloth is an example of a great sinister smile. Deadly, mischievous, cunning; he can show it all with one facial expression. He also has perfected the evil laugh, inflicting terror and awe into those who hear it. This is why this is the basic staple for evil misdeeds. It is your first impression as a bad guy, and you need to set the tone. You can go for a high pitched cackle or a deep throaty chuckle. It all depends on what image you want to present.

The Evil Wardrobe – If you study the Gallery of Evil, you will notice that most of the people featured have their signature look. Dr. Sloth has his grey robe with red accents, Jhudora sticks with her purple and green attire, Captain Scarblade dresses up in his skull hat and ruffled coat; you get the picture. A great bad guy needs their own style, and it is what people will remember you by. It is important to begin to establish a following, something to identify with. Your look will also add to your evil tone. Clothing can make you appear stealthy or daring, insane or calculated; make sure you give it some careful consideration. An argyle sweater vest or hand-knits are no good. Minions will not respect hand-me-downs either, so don’t try looting through the Second-Hand Shoppe.

The Evil Domain – It is always good to have a base camp. Somewhere where you can plot your next tyrannical scheme. Lord Darigan dwells in the Darigan Citadel, choosing to lurk eerily over his foes in Meridell. Jhudora sits on her tainted cloud in Faerieland, smouldering outside the gates of Faerie City. Even the Pant Devil must have a lair to store all his stolen possessions, but no one currently knows its location. This is one of the decisions you have to make, whether you want to reside somewhere secret or publicly known. Whatever you decide, always remember: location, location, location! Decor plays a surprisingly significant role as well. Studies show that soothing and sinister tones like a deep blue can increase your efficiency in evil plotting.

The Evil Minions – This is recommended for a more advanced level. You need to have established the basics before having followers. Focus on improving your reputation; with a good one, you can employ cronies to do your dirty work. If they are unconvinced of your evilness, they will soon abandon you.* Try not to become desperate for minions. Many successful bad guys work independently. This is because followers can be as much of a hindrance as a help. Try to set standards about what you would like in a minion. Evil plans can go badly with small mistakes. The current minimum pay rate is 6.8% of total loot gained. Work your budget so that you can sufficiently bribe your cronies. Whatever happens, always maintain fear and respect.

*Note: The exception to this is making use of brainwashing and mindless zombies.

The Evil Scheme – You should have at least one near-successful plot under your belt in order to be considered a true villain. You will always have a hero setting out to undermine your plan at the last minute, and there is nothing you can really do about it. The good news is that near-success is still enough to gain entry into the Gallery of Evil. Your scheme must still have significance, a dash of originality, with your signature touch built into it. All plots involve taking over a land, or if you are feeling ambitious, the world. You may want to stay away from this for a while, since you will find stiff competition. Try your hand at a smaller project, and a less sought-after place. For example, hardly anyone ever fights over Terror Mountain. A lack of rivals will provide a nice advantage for your plot. You should try to incorporate some sort of evil invention to assist your scheme. This will showcase your mad genius and boost your reputation. So you could create a giant heat ray to melt Terror Mountain’s ice caps, thereby destroying the land! BWA HA HA H- *cough* –shifty eyes–

The Evil Hero – As mentioned, there will be some “pure of heart” do-gooder who is opposed to you, and they’ll run around ruining all your careful planning. This is actually necessary and flattering. It means your villainy is important enough to require a hero. All the great villains have an enemy. It is a nuisance but will be helpful in the long run. They will serve as a good excuse for you to make a comeback, bent on revenge for the past. Villains consider an enemy to be a sign of elite status, so it will garner much respect. When achieved, it is also one of the final signs of evil.

Conquering each of these phases is a guarantee to becoming one of the top evil denizens of Neopia. Once you have a hero opposed to you, the last stage to being a true villain is an entry in the Gallery of Evil. Your application will have a 94.7% of being accepted. Each step builds onto the previous one, so make sure you master the basics. Congratulations, you are on your way to fame and pure evil!

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