“ARRRRRGHHH! A MEEPIT!!! RUUUUUUN!!!”
Normal people react like this. Every pet in the whole of Neopia knows that, upon sighting a meepit, the normal reaction is to scream, freak out, and run gibbering in the opposite direction. (That is, if the meepit hasn’t hypnotized you yet with its uber-evilness.) Every Neopian knows to do that, and most owners will react similarly too. Right?
However. (There’s always a ‘however’. Either that or a ‘but’.)
There are *some* owners out there, that for some reason, immediately shriek, “BONZAI!” upon sighting a meepit and rush to cuddle it. There are several possible explanations for this phenomenon: they might actually be a hypnotized follower of the Meepits, or else they think that Meepits are awesome and have definite “prestige” value. Whatever the reason is, they’ll start to do a little victory dance on the spot. *winces*
A while ago, a cousin of ours had the misfortune to be given a zapped Island Meepit by the PPLR (I knew that Kookith was evil from the very beginning). She mailed us frantically a week later, crying in the neomail how her tyrannical owner (a cousin of Daymarket’s, incidentally) refused to zap the Meepit, and how its horribleness, evilness, and generalness nastiness was driving her insaaaaane(ness).
Anyways. Long story short, my sisters (Idytarod and yours truly!) and I convened in a secret midnight council when Daymarket was asleep. In order to save our cousin, we would have to resort to Drastic Measures. (Capital letters and all.) That night, we concocted a Plan, revolving around Three Major Points. (Again, caps.)
Point One: the Meepit could not stay.
Point Two: We had to get rid of it in a way that didn’t involve the Trading Post or shop. (For obvious reasons.)
Point Three: It also had to look like an accident, so that Daymarket’s evil cousin wouldn’t freak out (too much).
After much discussion, ten cans of Achyfi, four boxes of Neocrackers, and six potty trips later (must’ve been you, Takario, I didn’t go ONCE), we came up with the following list (complete with pros and cons, of course!). So, here we present it to you: NINE WAYS TO DISPOSE OF YOUR MEEPIT.
(And they’re very nice ways, too.)
Enough with the parentheses already.
I said, enough with the parentheses!
(*winces* Jeez! No need to shout. Obviously you don’t deserve the benefit of my mighty wisdom. Huh! *sniffs*)
Thank you. Sorry about that. Anyway, onwards!
1. Feed the Meepit to a Skeith/Grarrl
When doing this, try to buy an extra-large taco roll first. Smack your meepit over the head to knock it out, wrap it in the roll, and feed it to a Skeith/Grarrl. Or, if you happen to be one of these two species, you can dispose of the meepit yourself. Just open wide, chew, and swallow.
Pros: MmmmmMMmmm! *burp*
Cons: Indigestion and diarrhea two hours later.
2. ...or Turmaculus
If you’re not a Skeith/Grarrl and don’t know anybody personally who is, this is a more practical alternative. Feed your meepit lots of sugar so it gets all hyped up and then bring it to the Turmaculus. With enough sugar, even a meepit’s unshakable evilness is broken. Meepit becomes hyperactive. Turmy wakes up. Meepit is eaten.
Pros: No more meepit! Plus, you get a spiffeh prize. How’s that for a win-win situation?
Cons: ...but there’s the hospital bill when the owner attempts to rip Turmy to pieces. Ouch.
3. Visit Darigan Citadel
Ahh, the giant floating rock. Besides being home to many purple Neopians, this can also serve another purpose as the perfect meepit eliminator. Directions: a) Place meepit on edge. b) Lift leg. c) Kick. Try to do this when your owner is looking in the opposite direction.
Pros: You know you want to do this. How often do you get to see a Meepit fly off Darigan Citadel?
Cons: a) Getting sued by whoever the Meepit lands on. b) Getting sued by the PPL for petpet abuse. c) If you’re not quick enough and your owner catches you, you also get pulverized by your owner for kicking off the Meepit in the first place.
4. Conspire with a villain
Arrange with the Pant Devil/Grundo Leader/Sloth to steal/sootify your Meepit.
Pros: Villains are evil and do whatever they want to do, right? Yes, yes, isn’t it awful that the Meepit’s gone, but you know, there’s just no reasoning with that mean Pant Devil. *blinks innocently* Perfect alibi. YEAH!
Cons: Alibi is shattered when owner (finally) realizes that the Meepit wasn’t in the inventory and couldn’t be stolen/sootified in the first place.
5. Recruiting for MOTON
Introduce your Meepit to the local Meepit Organization in Taking Over Neopia (MOTON). Soon the fiend will become so engrossed with MOTON that it will leave you permanently some dark and stormy night to pour all its efforts into conquering Neopia. *dramatic music playing*
Pros: The meepit has left of its own free will. *whistles*
Cons: You have just accelerated the downfall of Neopia. Congratulations.
6. One-shot Zap
Oh-so-accidentally stumble and push your meepit into the lab ray kookith’s hands. Before your owner can stop it, the kookith will have skittered into the hole and zapped the Ray, hopefully changing your meepit for the better. Better yet, vaporizing it.
Pros: With any luck, your trick will work and the meepit will change/vanish.
Cons: Without any luck, your meepit will be exactly the same as before. Also, you can only try this particular trick once. Any more and your owner will start to get a tad suspicious.
7. Scientific experimentation
There are no petpet morphing potions, so get a Neopian potion. I believe the cheapest on the market is a Green Uni Morphing Potion for about, what, 20k these days? See, they ARE good for something other than GUPing. Accidents happen all time, right? “Accidentally” feed the meepit the potion and see what happens. Once again, do this while your owner’s not watching.
Pros: Your name goes down in history books as the first person to feed a petpet a Neopian Morphing Potion. If all goes well, you will have a green Uni that is (just a little bit) less evil.
Cons: **Note: The authoress(es) of this article take no responsibility for any of the following: explosion, transmogrification, maiming, n00bification, or anything that results in a massive hospital bill**
8. Exploration can be hazardous
One day, go exploring in a tomb (i.e., Temple of a Thousand Tombs in Lost Desert or Deserted Tomb in Geraptiku) and take care to lose your Meepit thoroughly in one of the trap rooms. Thoroughly!
Pros: After spinning a dramatic yarn about how you nearly got eaten by a giant blob of jelly/ghost Hissi, your owner will be so overwrought over your safety that hopefully he/she will only have a few sorrowful comments to make on the demise on the Meepit. Or better yet, forget about it entirely...
Cons: IF the meepit actually does make it out alive, you have one angry little Meepit a-lookin’ for revenge. In that case—*clears throat*
**Note: The authoress(es) of this article take no responsibility if you are mauled by an angry Meepit(s)**
9. Petpetpet infestation
Introduce a plague of petpetpets to your house. Watch as all of the little critters flock to your Meepit. Laugh as it goes nuts trying to get rid of them, gives up, and finally runs away meeping from your Neohome.
Pros: (a) No more Meepit! (b) You get to see a Meepit go nuts with all that itching. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is not a sight you see every day. Really. Trust me. >_<
Cons: Contrary to popular belief, petpetpets are not just for petpets; they can also be quite happy with pets and owners. Nothing like a swarm of mootixes to brighten up your day. Now for some Petpetpet-B-Gone...
So, fellow Neopians, there you have it! Will you rid yourself of this dastardly pink little ball of evil? Or will you simply fidget and try to put up the Meepit’s horribleness, knowing that you will be trapped with it for all eternity?
(Our cousin, incidentally, thought we were idiots when we showed her this list. That’s gratitude for you, isn’t it? *rolls eyes*)
(Oh, there’s Takario going all huffy. Hey, Idy, you wanna say anything?)
Idytarod, don’t you dare!
(Hey, we were all nice and quiet during your little list thing. We should have a chance to say something, right? Hey, Idytarod! *poke*)
/Ow! Stop that! I’m sleeping!/
(Oh, right, she’s sleeping. Huh.)
*groans* Oh, whatever. Will you just be quiet long enough for me to wind up? You can talk later, okay?
(Yeah, sure, whatever.)
(Go do your conclusion already!)
*grits teeth* Urrrghh... so sorry about that. Anyway, where was I? *looks at notes* Um... yeah. *cough*
NEOPETS SHOULD NOT HAVE MEEPITS AS PETPETS! Pick one of the battle plans above and put it in action! Hopefully, it will work, and you will be Meepit-Free!
~Meepit Exterminator, Takariospakato
(Along with Idytarod and me! We’re Meepit Exterminators too!)
Daymarket’s Note: Comments, etc. are all appreciated!