Neopaltropaly: The Last Allusion
“Alas, I must away,” Jane, the green Ixi, said as she decided it was time for her to leave her friend’s house. “I’m having a bit of a problem here because of your face; it’s just too purple.”
“But it’s not my fault I turned purple,” Jane’s best friend Gloria said. Gloria had once been a lovely green Kau, but she had recently visited the lab ray. Her owner had forgotten that the rule of the village was that only green neopets were allowed to live there. It was said that other colors attracted the horrible monster that lived on the outskirts of the area. Her owner had promised Gloria after she was transformed that she could go back to the lab ray until it turned her green again, but the secret lab map was eaten by her petpet.
“Well, I’m not talking to you until you turn back to green and are normal like everyone else,” Jane said, sounding terrified. “The monster might come eat me.”
Gloria was deep in thought, wondering what to do. She had heard stories of a magical, strange creature that lived far away. It had the power to transform a neopet into anything it desired. This creature was said to be called the neopaltropaly. Everyone in the village had heard of it, but many did not believe in its existence.
“Fine, I’m going to go find the magical neopaltropaly to turn my fur back to normal,” Gloria said.
“Good luck with that,” Jane laughed. “The magical neopaltropaly can only be found in the dangerous forest of 10,000 stinky slorgs. I’ve heard that if you try to talk to a stinky slorg, it will gnaw off your nose.”
“I’m going anyway,” Gloria bravely declared. “I will be eaten by the monster and shunned by the village unless I turn back to green. I must find the magical neopaltropaly and restore my honor!”
Gloria was the neopet of the village elder, an honorable figure indeed. Although he might not have been the best person for the job (he had forgotten the most important village rule for crying out loud!) he was still well liked. Now, she was being shunned.
She walked away to find the forest of 10,000 stinky slorgs. It couldn’t be too hard to find, because one can smell it from 10,000 ixiscarvins away, (which is actually equal to about 12 gelertaflarks). Then, Gloria smelt said stench.
“I smell it! I smell it!” she exclaimed, just to realize no one was listening to her because they were shunning her.
She walked into the forest of 10,000 stinky slorgs, looking for the magical neopaltropaly. The stench was almost too much to tolerate. She tried to shield her face by putting her paw over her nose, but ended up not being able to see where she was going. Suddenly, she tripped and fell off of a hill and landed in a hole. She couldn’t see because her eyes had filled up with sand.
“Help me! Help me!” she screamed. “My eyes are now full of sand! And I’ve fallen into a hole. I’m stuck! What ever shall I do?”
“So, you fell into said hole as well?” a mysterious voice from behind her asked. Gloria wiped the sand out of her eyes, hopeful that this voice might be that of the magical neopaltropaly. But alas, poor Gloria, there was instead another purple Kau sitting in the sandy hole.
“Are you also looking for the magical neopaltropaly?” it asked her.
“Yeesh,” she said. “Of course I am. My name is Gloria. What’s your name?”
“My name is Alex,” Alex said. “Do you want to help me climb out of here?”
“Yeah,” Gloria said. “It is dark and creepy in this hole.”
Gloria thought for minutes on end. She wasn’t sure how to get out of the hole. It wasn’t like she had magical powers that have henceforth been unheard of. But she thought she’d give it a try. She closed her eyes and concentrated hard. Suddenly, she felt the ground moving beneath her. It was shaking.
Gloria opened her eyes to find that she and Alex were standing safely in front of the hole. It had worked!
“That was sweet!” Gloria exclaimed.
“Yeah,” Alex yelled. “I’m going to ask for directions.” Alex walked up to a stinky slorg. “Excuse me, but do you know where the magical neopaltropaly is?”
“Alex!” Gloria called out in a panicked voice, “You can’t talk to the stinky slorg. It will try to gnaw off your nose!”
“Oh Stinko!” Alex said, jumping out of the way of the slorg that was flying through the air, trying to gnaw off Alex’s nose.
“Are you alright?” Gloria asked.
“I think it’s this way,” Alex said, getting up.
They walked for hours through what seemed to be an endless forest of nothing but trees, stench, and sand. So much sand you really wouldn’t believe it. Eventually, they decided to take a break. Then, Gloria noticed something horrific.
“Isn’t that the hole we just climbed out of?” She asked.
“Yes,” Alex stated nonchalantly.
“Then we’ve been going in circles!” Gloria cried.
“Technically, we’ve only gone in one circle,” Alex informed her.
Just when Gloria was about to give up on ever changing back to green and restoring her honor, she saw me off in the distance. I appeared to be a big, colorful rock with large, imposing eyes. At first, she was frightened. But she soon realized who I was.
“Look over there! It’s the magical neopaltropaly!” Gloria said. They ran over to where I was sitting.
“Hello, magical neopaltropaly!” Alex said. “Can you turn us green again so we can restore our honor and not be eaten by the monster?”
“No,” I said. “Why should I waste my time on turning you green, foolish neopets? I happen to like the color purple.”
“But magical neopaltropaly, we’ve been looking for you for hours!” Gloria said.
“And I’ve been looking for you for months,” Alex said.
“I’m sorry; I don’t think you deserve it,” I said. “And I really hate the color green. Whenever I’m looking for a village to destroy, I have to stay away from the ones with green neopets. I just can not tolerate that putrid color.”
“Magical neopaltropaly, you are going to change us green again!” Gloria demanded. Then she suddenly realized that I was the monster that her village was so afraid of. She seemed afraid that I would eat her, and started to back away. But fortunately for her, I was already full from the last village.
“Fine, just stop bugging me, little Kau,” I said. “But first you must tell me the magical word.”
“Abracadabra?” Gloria asked.
“No, foolish Kau,” I said.
“Hippinhoppinapsacopolisanonymous?” Alex asked hopefully.
“Close, but you are still an immature fool,” I said.
“Boogiewoogie?” Gloria offered.
“Please, magical neopaltropaly, can’t you just turn us green?” Alex begged.
“Fine, but only because you said the magic word,” I said.
“What was it, ‘please’?” Gloria asked.
“Yes!” I exclaimed, proud of my unexpected wit.
“That is so lame,” Gloria said. Then, despite the fact that they had just mocked me, I turned Alex and Gloria green again, and they went home to be unshunned and lived happily ever after. They finally succeeded in restoring their honor!
“Or is it?” Gloria asked.