Neopia’s Runway: Hagan's Haberdashery

     NARRATOR: Welcome to another edition of Neopia’s Runway! For those of you joining us for the first time, welcome to the only fashion-forward show on Neovision! I am your host, Ellsworth.

     Red curtains appear on screen and rise to reveal ELLSWORTH, alone on a stage with a microphone.

     ELLSWORTH: A quick rundown for our viewers – each week we have a special guest of honour from across Neopia, for whom three hand-picked contestants are tasked with making two outfits. The contestants are not given any information ahead of time about who that guest may be, putting their fashion skills to the ultimate test!

     ELLSWORTH: This week our special guest is the smartest Neopian around, King Hagan!!!

     ELLSWORTH: Yes, that's right, the long-awaited King Hagan! Now I know we promised him to you weeks ago, but royal duties call! We are just ever so grateful he was able to find time to grace us with his presence. After all, fortunate is the one who understands that hard work is comparable to the tenacity of a team of inquisitive Unis.

     ELLSWORTH pauses for a dramatic flair,and is met with silence from the audience, who clearly has no idea what he is trying to convey. As this awkward exchange occurs, Hagan strolls onto the stage with a rather pompous audacity about him, smirking at the audience. The off-screen studio audience erupts into loud, frantic cheers.

     ELLSWORTH: Today’s contestants will be Elkie, Spikes, and Wheeler! Now folks, why don’t you tell the audience a little bit about yourselves?

     The camera pans over to the Styling Studio where ELKIE, SPIKES, and WHEELER are positioned behind workstations. It zooms in on each one as they introduce themselves.

     ELKIE: Hello everyone! I'm Elkie, and I'm happy to be here honouring my King via garments!

     SPIKES: I'm Spikes, forward on the Tyrannia Yooyuball team. In my offseason, I am an entrepreneur, where my passion is fashion, and my side business is… also fashion.

     WHEELER: I'm Wheeler, and I am excited to show my Mystery Island sensibilities off! I know it might not be for everyone, but maybe I can change some hearts and minds.

     The camera pans back to ELLSWORTH and HAGAN, who have now joined the contestants in the studio.

     ELLSWORTH: Excellent! Today’s categories will be library wear and formal wear. King Hagan is well known to be the smartest in all of Neopia, so naturally he spends a lot of time at the library. He needs to feel comfortable and confident there while he studies. And, of course, being King, he needs to look his best at events.

     ELLSWORTH: We will begin our competition with library wear.

     ELLSWORTH: Hagan – any advice?

     HAGAN: As you said, Ellsworth, I need to be comfortable. But not too comfortable. I still have to look good. I need to be able to not think about my clothes all the time while I am reading and learning new things, but I also need to not look like a slob.

     ELLSWORTH: Right, you are! A King always needs to look his best. Well then, if you would be so kind as to exit the studio.

     Hagan nods curtly and exits the studio expeditiously.

     ELLSWORTH: As a reminder, the winner of today’s competition will have their outfit worn by King Hagan during the Discovery of Brightvale Day feast! They will also be interviewed for the upcoming book How to Look Scholarly, written by yours truly!

     ELLSWORTH turns to stare directly into CAMERA A.

     ELLSWORTH: Coming to Brightvale Books on the 10th of the Month of Collecting. Pre-order your copy today!

     ELLSWORTH gives an overly dramatic wink into the camera, and flashes a dazzlingly cheesy grin.

     ELLSWORTH: Well, if we’re ever going to crown a winner, we best get to it!

     ELLSWORTH: But first, a quick word from today’s sponsor: Brightvale Glaziers!

     A little jingle begins to play, along with a montage of Neopians fussing over damaged and broken stained glass windows.

     “Don’t fret, Brightvale Glaziers can repair your windows wherever, whenever!

     “Brightvale repair,

     “Brightvale replace!"

     The jingle fades out, and the contestants reappear on screen, exchanging nervous glances as the background music resumes and builds to a crescendo.

     ELLSWORTH: You have one hour. On your mark, get set, GO!

     The show’s finalists, ELKIE, SPIKES, and WHEELER, scatter. They begin frantically running around, flipping through lookbooks and magazines, parsing through closets, and tossing aside fabric scraps and mannequins in a blind panic. Piles of clothes begin forming all around the studio, forming a colourful yet handsome explosion of fashion.

     ELLSWORTH: Wow, these contestants sure seem busy! There is a lot going on here in the Styling Studio.

     ELLSWORTH: Elkie, you seem to be fussing with something on the inside of that shirt. Can you explain what is going on?

     ELKIE: Oh! Don't worry about that. It's just my little special touch.

     ELLSWORTH: Hmmm, I see. You do not care to share with us?

     ELKIE: Don't worry, you'll see when it's ready. I can't give away all of my secrets, Ellsworth.

     ELKIE winks into the camera.

     ELLSWORTH: I suppose...but I will expect an answer later. Moving on…

     ELLSWORTH: Spikes, this is quite the interesting layout. Do you care to comment on your thought process?

     SPIKES: Well, I do know how important it is to be comfortable when pushing your mind and body to their limits. So I took inspiration from my own life and am giving it a Brightvale flair for the King. Comfortable enough to play Yooyuball or study the secrets of Neopia, but fashionable enough to make others jealous of your sense of style.

     ELLSWORTH: Taking personal inspiration is so smart when making unique pieces; very well done so far.

     ELLSWORTH: And finally, Wheeler, what have you got here?

     WHEELER: Nothing says relaxed like coconuts! So what better choice than coconuts?!

     WHEELER pauses for dramatic flair. ELLSWORTH shows no reaction.

     WHEELER: Exactly. No better choice.

     ELLSWORTH: Well it is a choice, to say the least.

     ELLSWORTH: Well, team, enough dillydallying! We're over halfway through our time, so I'll leave you to your final touches!

     21 minutes and 7 seconds later

     ELLSWORTH: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1! And that is TIME! Everyone, hands off your workstations and back away from your creations.

     ELLSWORTH takes a quick lap around the workroom, examining the various designs, inspecting the mannequins, etc.

     ELLSWORTH: Very nice, very nice. You all did amazing! Simply amazing if I do say so myself! No matter what I think, though… let’s bring out the true judge, King Hagan!

     HAGAN re-enters the room, to much applause and fanfare from the contestants and studio audience.

     ELLSWORTH: Elkie, tell us about your library wear for the king.

     ELKIE: I thought neutral colours were best for this since, despite being King, Hagan may not want to stand out or draw too much attention to himself while he is trying to study. This will allow him to blend in while still standing out.

     ELLSWORTH: It still seems a little formal to me, with the tie and all, but I'm not the judge here. Now, are you going to tell us what you were doing on the inside of the shirt as you promised?

     ELKIE: Just my signature. Every artist has a signature.

     ELLSWORTH looks at her suspiciously. ELKIE appears unfazed.

     ELLSWORTH: Hmmph. Spikes, can you tell us your thought process for this outfit?

     SPIKES: Like I said before, I like to take inspiration from my own life, and give it back to my clients. Being Team Tyrannia, I love orange and brown tones in general, and also together. So, I went with that. The dramatic puffy sleeves are quite royal, in my opinion, and thus a subtle nod to Hagan's status. I also decided to go with comfy, chunky boots lined with Babaa fur, to keep his feet warm on even the coldest nights so he can keep studying at all hours, and in the draftiest of castles.

     ELLSWORTH: That is very well thought out, considering your client's needs while also adding your own flair. I see it, and I see you.

     ELLSWORTH: Finally, Wheeler, please share your outfit.

     WHEELER: Who doesn't love coconuts? They are fashionable, delicious, and most importantly, they invoke relaxation. So, I got some readers and swapped the lenses into a more tropical frame, and made a head-to-toe coconut look for King Hagan to relax in the library with.

     ELLSWORTH: That is, uhm, a very interesting interpretation of "library" you seem to have. And readers? I don't recall the King using prescription lenses?

     WHEELER appears confused by the question and does not respond.

     ELLSWORTH: Anyway, now that we’ve heard from our contestants, King Hagan, what are your thoughts?

     HAGAN: These are all just so distinct and particular. I can clearly visualise your personalities through your work.

     HAGAN: Elkie, I did find it off-putting that your signature is inside the garment. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it is unsettling. I am not sure what you are up to, but I know it's something. The actual aesthetic is nice, I will say.

     HAGAN: Spikes, at first I wasn't sure how I felt about the colours, but I do think it complements my skin tone quite nicely and does look very cosy.

     HAGAN: Wheeler, I do not even know what to say. What about this is my vibe? Or, frankly, anyone's vibe? Even on an island vacation, it is a little, to put it kindly, tacky. Also, I do not wear corrective lenses; these glasses are wholly unusable. My vision is perfect, and I find it offensive you would assume otherwise.

     ELLSWORTH: So who would you say won this round?

     HAGAN: I would have to say…

     The camera pans to each contestant, as they fidget nervously at their workstation.

     HAGAN: …ELKIE!

     ELKIE smiles coyly, whilst Hagan looks utterly befuddled.

     HAGAN: …Wait? What? I wanted to say ELKEI

     HAGAN'S confusion grows deeper and he seems quite distressed. ELLSWORTH looks around nervously, unsure of what is happening.

     HAGAN: NO!

     HAGAN stomps his foot frustratedly and points to SPIKES, who looks surprised. ELKIE's smirk turns to a look of clear disgust.

     HAGAN: I don't know WHAT you're up to, missy, but you better knock it off.

     HAGAN glares in ELKIE'S direction, her expression of disdain having quickly been replaced by one of feigned innocence and confusion.

     SPIKES: Oh, me? Wow, sir, thank you so much!

     HAGAN: Young man, you have talent on the field and off. This outfit really does look comfortable and stylish.

     ELLSWORTH: Wow! Well, um, I'm not sure what's going on but congratulations Spikes…I think?

     ELLSWORTH: Elkie and Wheeler, don’t fret, for we still have one more challenge to go. And err…no more secret stitching this time. And perhaps cool it on the coconuts.

     ELLSWORTH: Round two is formal wear. You are tasked with creating something fit not just for any king, but the most interesting and smartest king around! King Hagan needs to look sharp as he celebrates Discovery of Brightvale Day with a large feast for all.

     ELLSWORTH: For winning the first round, Spikes gets a special advantage – picking the main colour that each of his fellow contestants will need to use. King Hagan has pre-approved the following choices: black, white, and brown.

     SPIKES: I would like to take black. I think Elkie should have white. And I guess that leaves Wheeler with brown.

     ELKIE gives an almost wicked smile while Wheeler appears practically over the moon as brown is, after all, the colour of coconuts.

     ELLSWORTH: Okay, now that the colours are decided, King, if you would please make your way out of the Styling Studio.

     HAGAN nods and makes his way offstage, turning to wave towards the audience before fully disappearing out of view.

     ELLSWORTH: As with round one, you have one hour. You may BEGIN!

     As before, the contestants begin a mad dash around the studio — flinging pieces of clothing, picking fabric rolls out of each other’s hands, rummaging through the shelves, and shouting incoherently. ELLSWORTH watches from the corner, bemused.

     The camera pans over to ELKIE who, upon noticing, quickly shoves something into the bottom of the pile of white fabric in the middle of her station. It then pans to SPIKE's workstation, where a pile of black fabric is scattered everywhere. The camera then pans over to WHEELER, who is wearing a coconut shell as a hat. It is not clear what else he is doing. It pans back to ELLSWORTH.

     ELLSWORTH: Well, it seems everyone is going all in on their respective colours! Let's find out what the contestants are doing, shall we?

     ELLSWORTH: Elkie, how are you feeling about being assigned white? And what did you shove under that pile there? Don't think we didn't notice!

     ELKIE: White is a great colour! Very neutral. Also, mind your business.

     ELLSWORTH: Well, yes, it really is! And also, you're my business. I'm quite not liking these secrets, young lady!

     ELLSWORTH looks at ELKIE with a hint of disdain, while clearly attempting to remain a professional and gracious host. ELKIE appears to enjoy the attention.

     ELLSWORTH: So Wheeler, you were assigned brown. It seems you're good with that?

     WHEELER: Oh yes, I love brown. It reminds me of my favourite thing in all of Neopia! So this challenge will be no wild ride for me. Or maybe it will be? I'm going to have fun. Wild rides are fun.

     ELLSWORTH: Okay. And finally, Spikes, you assigned yourself black. Care to comment on why?

     SPIKES: I think it is very elegant and very versatile. It can go with any colour, just like white, although unlike white it dresses up for dinners better. Unless, of course, that dinner is a wedding. In which case white is probably better.

     ELLSWORTH: Ah, I see where your head is at. Very well thought out on your part, Spikes.

     A montage plays of the contestants continuing their work over the next 30-some odd minutes. It ends, and the final two minutes of the round are shown at regular speed, with a countdown timer ticking down the seconds.

     ELLSWORTH: Alright and that is time! Contestants, please step away from your designs as we welcome King Hagan back for our final round of judging!

     HAGAN re-enters the studio for the final time, to the usual healthy round of applause from both the contestants and the audience.

     ELLSWORTH: We’ll start with our leading contestant. Spikes, you got to pick the colours for everyone, including yourself. What did you pick and what did you make?

     SPIKES: Gold is the most regal colour there is, so I mixed that in with the black. A king needs a crown, but sometimes a crown can just be a very fancy hat.

     ELLSWORTH: That is simply gorgeous! The details are impressive.

     ELLSWORTH: Elkie, please tell us your colour and what you made for Hagan.

     ELKIE: I was given white, which I think is the most elegant colour there is. As such, I gave Hagan a white sparkly jacket, some nice tailored pants, wingtip shoes, and went with yellow for the top due to the love of all things Brightvale, and to pick up on his natural beauty marks.

     ELLSWORTH: And care to comment on the situation with Hagan earlier announcing you as the winner by mistake multiple times?

     ELKIE: Why, Ellsworth, I have no idea what you mean.

     ELLSWORTH raises an eyebrow at ELKIE, opens his mouth to say something, closes it, then turns away.

     ELLSWORTH: And finally, Wheeler! What was your colour, and what do you have for us?

     WHEELER: I had brown, and you know what is brown? Coconuts. So I made a nice coconut mask and some nice fancy coconut-brown clothes. Coconuts don't make very good shoes, so I didn't make any of those.

     ELLSWORTH: You seem to have a theme, Wheeler.

     WHEELER: I like coconuts.

     ELLSWORTH: We can tell. So, Hagan, if you would.

     HAGAN: Very nice use of colour! For the most part.

     HAGAN: Spikes, very good choice to keep black. The bad choice, however, is that hat. I appreciate the creativity, but ultimately I disagree – a hat is not a crown. And hot dogs are not sandwiches.

     HAGAN: Elkie, I like the look, but overall I'm not sure I can trust you. Actually, I'm certain I cannot.

     HAGAN: Wheeler, what are you doing? What is your agenda? Is Big Coconut paying you? Blink twice if you need help, son.

     WHEELER stares blankly, and unblinkingly, at HAGAN. It's awkward.

     ELLSWORTH: So, who won this round?

     HAGAN: I'm going to have to say… ELKIE! I may not trust you, but that was really well done.

     ELKIE: Oh!

     ELKIE appears pleasantly surprised this time.

     ELLSWORTH: …so… actually Elkie or?

     HAGAN nods in affirmation.

     ELLSWORTH: Well okay then!

     ELLSWORTH: Now that we have a winner from each round, who are you going to crown as the overall winner, Hagan? And as a reminder, our grand prize winner will receive the ultimate honour: King Hagan will be wearing your piece at the Discovery of Brightvale Day banquet.

     HAGAN: Two of you did really well, and one of you showed up. But I have to say, today’s winner of Neopia’s Runway is…

     HAGAN: Elkie! What? No. Not again. Elkie! NO!

     HAGAN looks extremely distressed, and ELLSWORTH appears to be frantically gesturing off-stage and listening to his in-ear mic.

     HAGAN: ELKIE! NO! What is happening?!

     WHEELER: She sewed a secret curse into the fabric and is cheating trying to win! I saw it! I saw it!

     Everyone turns to stare at ELKIE in abject horror, and also confusion, as this is an odd revelation from WHEELER, who hasn't appeared to be paying attention to anything at all this entire episode.

     ELKIE: Quiet, you!!!

     ELKIE hisses furiously at WHEELER. The studio audience gasps and begins murmuring indecipherably amongst themselves. HAGAN gestures wildly in ELKIE'S direction, his face turning red with rage. He appears unable to speak coherently, either due to anger or the alleged curse.

     ELLSWORTH: Alright, settle, settle, everyone. Wow, this is unprecedented.

     The camera cuts to two SECURITY GUARDS who are rushing towards ELKIE. ELKIE is scooped up and dragged offstage, kicking and screaming. SPIKES and WHEELER look terrified, and the sharp squeal of a Screal, of all things, can be heard from somewhere amongst the audience. HAGAN looks around, deeply confused, and appears to be at a loss for words for the first time in his life.

     ELLSWORTH: Okay, let's take a breath everyone. My apologies, folks; that is not how we make it work over here at Neopia's Runway. Not at all.

     ELLSWORTH: King Hagan, let's try this again. Who is your winner?

     HAGAN collects himself, and takes several deep breaths.

     HAGAN: Well. Goodness me. That was something. Spikes. Spikes is the winner. Yes. Spikes. I knew I wasn't saying the wrong thing before.

     SPIKES, still looking terrified, raises a fist in the air almost on autopilot, forgetting he is not on the Altador Cup podium. He puts it back down with a shy smile.

     SPIKES: Um, thank you, King.

     HAGAN strolls over to give SPIKES a firm handshake. WHEELER, meanwhile, is sitting back at his workstation, deeply engrossed in a conversation with a coconut.

     ELLSWORTH: Well folks, that’s all we have for today! Tune in next time to see Edna go from scary to merry!

     The volume of the outro music begins to rapidly scale up, as ELLSWORTH struggles to shout over it.

     ELLSWORTH: Until then – thank you contestants and thank you King Hagan. This is Ellsworth, signing off.

     The End.