I'm Not a Fan of the Beach

To think thereof quashes my glee

Instead the thought grows glum in me

Deep in the Woods, so far from sea

To conjure picturesque beach scenes

Of gilded sand, globs of sunscreen

Of ocean glistening, pristine

To me, is nothing short of mean

Crustaceans dance and seashells ring

I envy those to whom they sing

To whom the beach warm feelings bring

To me, to think of it, just stings

I stand alone, so far from shore

Rationalize that I yearn for

The sun, the fun, for something more...

But to it all, I close the door

The sands of time that left me miles

Away from ocean sprays erstwhile

To think of it fills me with bile

A beckoning beach just beguiles

I wish upon the Sleeper's star

For all beachgoers near and far

To trip o'er driftwood, fall, and scar

Forever with them I will spar

They play upon the shining sand --

Beach ball, sandcastles -- it's all bland

And should all cease; heed my command

Or be burn'd by the sun and land

They search for creatures in tide pools

Compare their finds -- so odd and cruel!

They scout the shores for shells, those fools

The coolest coral's still uncool

They ride upon the crashing waves

It's simply not a sport I crave

Those who partake are all deprav'd

Bought tickets to their wat'ry graves

No beach for me! I've sworn it off

To think of seashores makes me scoff

All beachgoers, who should be doff'd

Drink from polluted, salty trough

Forget the beach! I doth prescribe

Consider this my diatribe

For me, shores bring only bad vibes

And with this beach theme I don't jive