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Cheeseroller: The Handy Dandy Guide

by kittykrueger


Cheeseroller. What comes to mind when you hear that word? Fun? Frustrating? Never heard of it? Eww? In this article I plan to provide a guide to one of Meridell’s greatest pastimes!

Why should you play Cheeseroller? Well, there are a few reasons. Probably the biggest reason would be the avatar. But, you can also try your luck at getting on the high scores table. Some people also enjoy trying their luck at winning the various types of cheese. They’re all great reasons to play this game!

How do you play? Is it hard? No worries, Cheeseroller is a very easy game to play! Let’s walk through the steps together!

First we need to know what we’re doing and how the scoring system works. The goal of Cheeseroller is to roll your cheese down the hill to the finish line in under 60 seconds. Seems simple enough right? Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that. Thanks to obstacles or luck (both good & bad) on the hill your score can go from great to horrible in an instance. So how does the scoring system work exactly? You start the game with the chance at a 2550 NP jackpot. Sounds great from a simple game right? There’s a catch though, every second it takes for you to move down the hill removes 30 NP from the jackpot! You have to make it 120 meters to the finish line. Unless you can teleport with the cheese, the jackpot is just there to taunt you. You also receive a rating depending on your time. There are 14 known ratings. They range from ‘CHEESEMASTER’ being the highest and ‘Beyond Redemption’ being the lowest. For example, my high score is 1290. That means I made it down the hill in 42 seconds (2550 – 1290/30). This gave me a rating of ‘CHEESEMASTER’. To achieve a rating of ‘Beyond Redemption’ you need to take 91 seconds or more. Hopefully that won’t happen to you!

Now that we know how scoring works, you’ll need to decide which cheese you want to use! There are 35 different types of cheese to choose from! For the frugal player there is Spicy Juppie Cheese at only 150 Neopoints. For the high rollers there is Rotten Cheese at a whopping 5250 NP! There are some wonderful choices in between. Aesthetically I prefer the Angelpuss Cheese (3600 NP), but my favorite cheese which rolled me to victory was Quadruple Fudge Cheese (1800 NP). The cheese you choose is up to you. Most people seem to agree that the more expensive the cheese, the better luck you’ll have. For convenience sake I will provide a list of the possible cheese you can use & how much they cost in order from cheapest to most expensive:

Spicy Juppie Cheese - 150 NP Smoked Snorkle Cheese - 300 NP

Triple Mustard Cheese - 450 NP Honey Cheese - 600 NP

Big Beefy Cheese - 750 NP Purple Spotted Cheese - 900 NP

Brain Cheese - 1050 NP Alkenore Cheese - 1200 NP

Mutated Cheese - 1350 NP Bubbling Blueberry Cheese - 1500 NP

Tyrannian Dung Cheese - 1650 NP Quadruple Fudge Cheese - 1800 NP

Brick Cheese - 1950 NP Gooey Snot Cheese - 2100 NP

Peppermint Cheese - 2250 NP Overgrown Cheese - 2400 NP

Heavy Bark Cheese - 2550 NP Warty Blue Cheese - 2700 NP

Fragrant Ummagcheese - 2850 NP Furry Chocomint Cheese - 3000 NP

Mummified Cheese - 3150 NP Nimmo Tube Cheese - 3300 NP

Space Cheese - 3450 NP Angelpuss Cheese - 3600 NP

Meaty Cheese - 3750 NP Potato Cheese - 3900 NP

Very Stinky Cheese - 4050 NP Fishy Cheese - 4200 NP

Shiny Golden Cheese - 4350 NP Stinky Zebie Cheese - 4500 NP

Overripe Cheese - 4650 NP Plaid Cheese - 4800 NP

Licorice Cheese - 4950 NP Darkberry Cheese - 5100 NP

Rotten Cheese - 5250 NP

Have you picked which cheese you like best yet? Which one did you pick? That’s an interesting choice! Let’s move on to the next step now that you have chosen your desired cheese!

Next we need to figure out our plan of action. So what can you do? You have five possible actions you can perform every turn. You can either ‘Forward Somersault’, ‘Push Cheese Faster’, ‘Hold Cheese Steady’, ‘Dive Left’, or ‘Dive Right’. The obvious choice seems like it would be ‘Push Cheese Faster’, but it’s not that simple thanks to the obstacles you can encounter. You can encounter rocks, low branches, a hot day, the cheese falling over, or the dreaded pothole. All those obstacles can cost you anywhere from 1-10 seconds on your time. From person experience, potholes have given me the most trouble as I always hit a pothole that costs me 7-10 seconds. Does anyone want to help me go around and fill in all the potholes? –grumbles- Anyway, time to get back to actions. But it’s not all bad! Sometimes you can get lucky and save time with things such as lucky bounces or gusts of wind. The most consistent way I’ve seen to make it down the hill in under 60 seconds is to either ‘Dive Left’ or ‘Dive Right’. You can do it with a combination of the other moves as well, but I’ve found that more obstacles such as braches are avoided this way. However, no combination of actions will guarantee that you get under 60 seconds every time. Where would the fun be in that?

Finally it’s time to start rolling some cheese! You can play 3 times a day. I’ll play along with you!

1st Play – Spicy Juppie Cheese (150 NP)

Time: 83 seconds

Score: 60

Rating: Pathetic

2nd Play - Quadruple Fudge Cheese (1800 NP)

Time: 66 seconds

Score: 570

Rating: Cheesy

3rd Play - Rotten Cheese (5250 NP)

Time: 66 seconds

Score: 570

Rating: Cheesy

How did you do? Hopefully better than I did! I used ‘Dive Right’ as my only move for all three cheeses. I noticed a big difference between Spicy Juppie Cheese and the other two. I seemed to get more obstacles with mostly 5 second penalties. I didn’t notice a difference between the Rotten Cheese and the Quadruple Fudge Cheese. They actually got the same score for that play through. That was fun though! Now let’s sum everything up!

If you’re looking to earn the avatar or a trophy:

I recommend using either ‘Dive Left’ or ‘Dive Right’. You can choose any combination you want, but these have been the ones to work best for myself and several others.

I’ve also found that Quadruple Fudge Cheese gets the job done without breaking the bank. Avoid cheaper cheeses if you’re trying for the avatar or trophy.

You need to win in 60 seconds or less for the avatar.

You need to win in 42 seconds or less to win a trophy. (At the time of writing).

Be persistent! Play all 3 times every day. It took about 20 days to get the trophy and 25 to get the avatar. Only ¾ of the times played managed to get under 60 seconds.

Have fun! I know how stressful it can be going after random avatars, but sometimes we need to just need to enjoy the silliness instead of treating it like a chore. I mean we are rolling a cheese down the hill as a game. You don’t see that every day!

I hope this guide helps you understand more about Meridell’s greatest pastime, Cheeseroller. Good luck and welcome to the world of trying to become a CHEESEMASTER! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some more cheese to roll!

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