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A Comprehensive Guide to High Society in Neopia

by plllz


If you’ve recently travelled to New Maraqua you won't have failed to notice the restaurant Kelp. Home to some of the most magnificent and appetising foods I’ve ever had the pleasure to taste. But wait! You’ve not had the pleasure to dine in such a wonderful restaurant? Well, only those of the highest class in Neopia can get in. You’re obviously not quite up to scratch. That is where I come in. I can teach anyone the ways of high society, and I’m not even charging one single Neopoint.

One must know that there are certain hobbies that they should partake in if they wish to be accepted into the right class of Neopians. There is of course one hobby that all Neopians of high society should take part in, Bowls. A game that takes much skill and flair. And there are no riffraff to be seen at all. One should also take part in hobbies that are of a challenging nature. Only someone of a good nature would be able to become a successful and well-established Plushie Tycoon. If one is going to gamble they should choose to do it in only the most respectable of places. Playing games such as Round Table Poker are acceptable. However there are two places in particular someone of high class should never be seen. The first is the Deserted Fairground in the Haunted Woods. It is full of riffraff and low class people, and the atmosphere is extremely unpleasant. And some of the inhabitants are frightfully unattractive. The second is Tyrannia. Why anyone would want to play a game where you are constantly shouted ‘uggh uggh’ at is beyond me. Really, those Neopians lack any kind of civilisation.

Music is an important part of one's hobbies. If one wishes to play a musical instrument they should play a highly regarded instrument, and should only play the highest quality music. Ideal instruments to be played are the Piano, Violin, Cello, Clarinet, Flute, Harp or French Horn. These are beautiful instruments and sound wonderful to the ear. There are some musical instruments that one should not play, however. No one who has an ounce of class would even think of playing the guitar or the drums. How some people can even describe these monstrosities as music is beyond me; they are just noise. You may wish to go to the concert hall to listen to one of the many bands play (however the less time spent in Tyrannia, the better). Put on your top hat and glasses and it’s off to see the Neopian Philharmonic. They are the finest classical music act in the whole of Neopia. That may be because they are the only classical music act in Neopia, but it is still quite an achievement. One should not be seen at a Twisted Roses show or Wock Til You Drop concert. They are not first-class bands and have no degree of class. People should know better than that.

If you want to be in high society you will need to have the right Neohome. We can’t all own a castle like King Skarl or a tower like Queen of the Faeries (she’s a friend of mine, don’t you know), but we can certainly try our best. The first thing to do is make sure you pick the right neighbourhood. Nothing is worse than living in an area with good-for-nothing neighbours. One should choose a nice place to live, like the rolling, peaceful hills of Brightvale or the relaxing, calming Roo Island. They may cost a lot to build on but sometimes you have to spend to get into good society. There are some places one must avoid, in particular Neopia Central. Goodness me, that place is full of the most common people I have ever seen in my life. It simply will not do to have a home amongst such unrefined commoners. It is very important to buy in the right furniture shops. It does nothing for your status to be seen in Fine Furniture. Every man and his Lupe has a dinning room made out of Fresh Bamboo. And dung really isn’t an attractive look. You want to be able to really impress your guests. You might like to try Faerie Furniture or Kiko Lake Carpentry for something a bit more fancy and upmarket. Don’t forget Brightvale Glaziers for some wonderful classy windows. And remember; don’t be stingy on the building materials. One should do one's best to make a good first impression.

Now you’ve got the perfect Neohome. you’re going to want to show it off. But not to anybody. One must make sure to mix with the right people. Obviously you have to be of very high status, such as myself, to mix with the truly special Neopians, but you can start somewhere. Head along to the Gourmet Club Bowls to meet the high society of Neopia. They don’t allow riffraff in that place, you know. You may even be lucky enough to meet me there. I do enjoy a game or two myself. One must be cautious about making contact with the so called ‘noobs’. If anyone important catches you talking to them it could be quite serious. But there is one person that you should be even more wary of. Associating with Adam, or as he is commonly known Borovan, can be extremely damaging, and even fatal to one’s social status. He is best avoided at all costs.

When you invite company to your Neohome. you will of course be serving them afternoon tea. If you want to look good you won't be serving them free omelette. And you certainly wont be serving any of those Spooky Foods - Mashed Eye Potato, Spooky Handwich and the like. Nothing less than Gourmet Food will do. A nice Cauliflower Soup followed by a wonderful Seafood Pasta Salad, and gorgeous Roast Pork for the main course. Served with some cool Lemon Pop and Blueberry Deluxe Cake to finish it off. And I realise that Bangers and Mash are considered Gourmet Food, but really, I’m sure you can do better than that.

Food is only part of the visit. Conversation is extremely important. Nobody wants to hear how ‘totally awesome’ the last Sticks N Stones concert was, or what you got up to at the Space Battledome that day. Or at least, nobody important wants to hear those things. If there is one thing that important people in high society like, it’s money, in particular the stock market. Everybody in high society plays the stock market, it’s just the done thing. And they love to talk about it. One should always bring it up in conversation.

For example ‘Yar KAUF is up 24%, Yar I bought 1000 stocks in COFL today. Yar. Yar’. The golden rule is that the more times you say Yar in a conversation the more status you achieve.

So that’s my guide to gaining status in Neopia. Stick by the rules and it won't be long till you’re in high status. However, if you read this hoping to learn how to get a reservation at Kelp, there probably wasn’t much point. They don’t have a reservation service.

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