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The Traveling Neopian: Neolodge Reviews: Stop #7

by cadetbush


Don't spend your holiday in a tent! Read a review from your buddy, Brent! Unless you like holidays in tents. I understand that a lot of people enjoy camping. Personally, I've never enjoyed it. Too many unfortunate happenings. Like the time a scrawnyfish snapped my fishing rod and dragged me into a lake. Then there's the time that I tried to make a s'more, lit my marshmallow on fire, tossed the flaming sugary confection away from me, and accidentally ignited my own tent. There's also the time that I left all of my camping gear at home. And that's not even including the time that a random Uniocto dropped on my head while I was making dinner. Where did that even come from? And there's all of those yucky Spyders. Yikes! Don't put yourself through these traumatic experiences, and try having a pleasant holiday at a posh indoor resort.

Now, I realize that you all know exactly who I am. I'm rather famous, this being my seventh publication in the Neopian Times. However, it says in my contract that I have to introduce myself at the beginning of each article. My name is Brent. I am an extremely dashing blue Ixi with the best hair that you have ever seen. I am also quite the celebrity. I’m a journalist for the Neopian Times, covering a unique experience story that has never been done before. I am reviewing Neolodge hotels. Now, I know what you're all thinking. What's with the recap? We all know who you are. Nonetheless, I must continue this recap in case I have new followers. I know what you new followers are thinking too. Neolodge reviews? Hasn't this been done before? The answer is, of course, yes. But no one has done it the way I have before. Instead of a quick, one-paragraph summary of each hotel, I am staying at each establishment for four weeks, really living the life, and then writing an entire article on each hotel. The Neopian Times has kindly agreed to pay all expenses, both inside and outside the hotel. This is because I am such a fantastic journalist, not because they think I am in need of a long vacation. This is my seventh stop during my tenth month vacation, meaning that I am going to be reviewing The Royal Neopian!

You all know how it goes: My review is organized into five categories. The first, entitled "About the Hotel", is where I talk about the hotel; where it is located, how many stars it has, what class of hotel it is, rumors that I've heard, that sort of thing. My next category, called "First Impressions", is where I talk about my first impressions of the hotel after having stayed there for one day. The next category, entitled "Second Impressions", is where I discuss my opinion of the hotel after having stayed there for two weeks. The fourth category, titled "Final Impressions", is where I talk about my impressions of the hotel after having stayed there for an entire four week trip. My fifth and final category, "What to Bring", is where I list off all of the unusual items that I would recommend bringing to this hotel should you be planning a holiday there. This does not include things like clothes, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a hairbrush, or any form of formal identification. Are you bored with this recap? I am. Let's talk about the hotel.

About the Hotel:

The Royal Neopian is a luxury class four star hotel. It costs eighty neopoints a night to stay there, a hundred and forty neopoints to spend a night there with all the extras, and it costs a total of three thousand nine hundred and twenty neopoints to stay there for four weeks, all expenses paid, much like the trip that I am taking. I'm sure it's worth it. After all, The Royal Neopian is a large tower with frilly green turrets, a frilly green roof, plenty of windows with their own frilly green roof-things, and on the very pinnacle of that tower flies a bright green and yellow flag. In case you haven't guessed, The Royal Neopian is located in a lovely section of Brightvale. Each floor of this tower is a separate room, except the first five which contain all of the extras, meaning that this is one tall tower, as I'm sure you can imagine. It looks great on the outside. I look forward to seeing what it looks like on the inside.

First Impressions:

I walked into the hotel and I was greeted by swarms of adoring fans. This is what you can expect when you are a celebrity reviewer like myself.

Okay, it was one fan. And technically speaking, they weren't really a fan. He was the manager of the hotel, who wanted to greet the reviewer personally and show him to his room. However, it meant that someone was reading my article. Yippeedippeedoo!

A professionally uniformed Meerca bellhop took my suitcase and showed me to the elevator. I was quite impressed when I saw the elevator. It's the first one I've seen on my trip. Surprising, but true.

The elevator came to a stop on the top floor, where I was introduced to my very own luxurious penthouse hotel room. I must say that at first glance, I was very impressed with my room. The floor was covered with quality carpeting and the walls with elegant green and gold striped wallpaper. The windows were all stained glass. The ones in the sitting area featured Brightvale Castle, the one above my desk featured King Hagan, and the one in the bathroom featured a pair of Brightvale flags. While I'm on the subject, the bathroom was actually very elegant, with marble floors and a bathtub that had been sunken into the center of the floor. There was a nice wide sink with a counter, set with all the complimentary soaps, shampoos, conditioners, bubble baths, and lotions. There was also a toilet with a big rack of fluffy towels above it.

The rest of my room was divided into four sections. There was one section for sleeping, with a plush bed, a neat little nightstand with a small table lamp, and a soft rug. Another section was my own personal study, with two large bookshelves and a mahogany desk with four drawers and a rolling chair. On the desk was a neat little desk calender. The third section was a sitting area with three couches and a coffee table. The coffee table was laid with plenty of free reading material. A copy of the Neopian Times, a copy of Brightvale Bi-Weekly, a copy of Brightvale Maps, and lastly, a neatly pressed copy of Local Happenings, and a copy of Brightvale Books Catalogue. There was a small sticky note that had been carefully placed on the covered of Brightvale Books Catalogue that said that all books listed inside the catalogue were availible for purchase in The Royal Neopian's gift shop. That was a pleasant surprise.

The fourth section of the room was a fully functional kitchen. It had counters, a sink, a small stove, a few cupboards, and a fridge. There was even a toaster and a borovan press. I'm not much of a chef, but it's nice that they have some space for those who are. It's also great because you don't have to eat the hotel's food all the time. I'm not saying anything about the food, however. Now that I think about it, food sounds pretty good. I wonder what kind of Burger Bar they have here.

I asked the manager to show me to the Burger Bar and he very proudly lead me into a room that smelled like sizzling hamburgers. A large silver buffet table spanned the entire back wall of the room. There was a long line, but it was worth the wait. There were four different kinds of hambuger buns, a variety of hamburgers ranging from rare to well done, as well as a vegetarian option. After that, there were five different kinds of cheese, crispy lettuce, juicy tomatoes, ripe red onions, crunchy pickles, a variety of handmade sauces, and fruit salad made from organic Brightvale berries, a healthy alternative to greasy chips. For dessert, they even had homemade oatmeal cookies, which, according to the manager, are a specialty of the house. Everything from my burger to my glass of stramberry juice (important from Shenkuu) was absolutely excellent, especially the cookies, which truly lived up to their reputation. Unfortunately, the manager was very busy and was not able to join me. It was a shame, but the food was still very delicious.

They say that you shouldn't go swimming for an hour after you eat, so I thought that it might be nice to visit the hotel's gift shop. I was very surprised. Every wall of the store was covered with shelves, and every shelf crammed with books. I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised- Brightvale citizens do love their reading- but it's like the hotel has its own library. In the center of the room was the rest of the Royal Neopian merchandise, like T-shirts, coffee cups, stationary, snowglobes, keychains, and pens. I decided to purchase some volumes that looked interesting for some light reading, like All About Glass, No Sleep Til Brightvale, and The Water Mote. I also purchased a package of stationary and a pen. You never know when those can come in handy. And just for fun, I purchased a snowglobe to give to my manager. I bet he'll be thrilled.

I took my new purchases up to my room and placed them on my coffee table. After that, I thought that it would be nice to have a look around some of the other facilities. It had been an hour since I ate, so I first went to the pool. I was very impressed. There were actually two swimming pools to help with crowd control, both heated to a nice temperature. I went swimming in both, just because I could. I also tried the sauna, which was in a room next to the pool. It was nice and steamy, as saunas ought to be. There was also a sign pointing towards the spa, but I don’t think I’ll be following that arrow anytime soon. After a long swim, I went to play a few rounds of tennis on the freshly paved tennis courts. I’d never really played tennis before this trip, but I must say that I’m getting pretty good. After tennis, I had dinner at the burger bar, since I really wanted another burger, and then turned in for the night.

Second Impressions:

After having stayed at The Royal Neopian for a full two weeks now, I am still very impressed with the service here. The staff is very professional. I’ve never had a cleaner hotel room, or more easily accessible reading material. The food here is outstanding, and I’m not just talking about the burger bar. I thought that that was good! The restaurant is much better, featuring more than fifty options for each meal of the day, each of which is extremely delicious and nutritious. Best of all, each meal comes with a free portion of organic fruit salad, which I still haven’t gotten tired of eating. It’s naturally delicious. With dinner comes five courses of soup, salad, cheese, an entrée, and dessert. If you ever have the pleasure of having dinner there, I would recommend having the cheesy onion noodle soup followed by the lemint green salad, then enjoying some cheese and grapes, then the whole roast chicken with a side of mashed potatoes with gravy and of course, fruit salad, followed by some amazing ice chocolate cake for dessert. That is one tasty dinner, especially if you’re hungry. Of course, everything there is delicious.

I’ve also made a number of new friends while here, most are long term residents on business trips. Rupert, a sharp Skeith, took the room just below mine, and stayed for two weeks. We had many philisophical discussions over breakfast, which I made in my room. That’s right. Not only am I a talented writer, I am also a talented chef. I skillfully prepared toast with butter and poured fresh orange juice. I also found a number of delicious jams and jellies at Fruits of Brightvale to spread on the toast, something a bit more gourmet than butter.

While I’m on the subject of things in Brightvale, I should tell you that the neighborhood is wonderful here. You’ve never seen greener grass, taller trees, or smelled more fragrant berries. The sunrises and sunsets are a beautiful shade of orange, and everything in the marketplace is of very high quality. Even better, everyone here reads the Neopian Times along with two or three other news sources, so everyone here knows who I am! I also found this great little coffee shop across the street from the hotel that serves the best jipple pear ice cream sundaes you will ever taste. Tell them that Brent sent you and you can get twenty-five percent off. I must have had a dozen of those sundaes already.

And for the ladies who read my article, I interviewed young Miss Sarafina, a lovely Usul who was a frequent visitor of the spa.

“Good evening, Miss Sarafina. I understand that you spent the entire day at the spa here at The Royal Neopian. Would you be willing to tell me about your experience for some of my readers?”

“Ooo! I’d love to! I love the spa here!”

“Could you tell me about some of the facilities here? What kinds of things do they have at the spa?”

“A better question would be ‘What don’t they have?’ They have hot tubs, mud baths, facials, makeover stations, manicures, pedicures, and fresh fruit smoothies.”

“Do you spend a lot of time here?”

“Most of the day! I have some business meetings and things in the evening, but I spend more time in the spa than I do at my meetings.”

“Would you say that other Neopets feel the same way? Are there others who spend most of their day in the spa?”

“Sure! At least a dozen that I know. And there are a lot of others who visit daily, but spend time in other facilities, like the exercise room.”

“Understandable. The exercise room is top notch. Would you recommend this spa to your friends?”


“Would you recommend that your friends check into this hotel so that they can use the spa?”

“I’ve already done that. In fact, I took a weekend holiday here last month just to use the spa.”

“Do you come here often?”

“I’d say at least once a month.”

“Would you say that the spa here is the best in all of Neopia?”

“Not the best, but the cheapest good one for holidays.”

“I stayed for a while at the Hotel Opera, and I heard some fantastic things about the spa there. Would you really say that the spa there isn’t any good?”

“Oh! The spa there is absolutely fine. I’m just not an operatic fanatic. I enjoy my experience better at places like The Royal Neopian.”

“I won’t keep you any longer, Miss. I hope that you enjoy the remainder of your stay at The Royal Neopian.”

“I will. Thank you!”

It seems as though everything here is still fantastic.

Final Impressions:

After having stayed here for four weeks, I am very happy to say that this hotel is absolutely outstanding. Each floor of the building is extremely well furnished and well maintained. It is by far the most quality establishment I have stayed in yet. I like the large room size, something which the other hotels seem to lack. Not to say that the rooms aren’t good. They (for the most part) are very nice rooms. I liked having a kitchen and a study this time, though the kitchen I only used for breakfast and the study I only used for writing my article, which believe it or not, I don’t spend a great deal of time doing. I’m just that good a writer.

Also, I don’t think I’ve mentioned this in the article yet, but the pillows here are terrific. I’m not sure how they make them, but they are super soft and squishy, in the way that pillows ought to be. That’s a very important factor when it comes to choosing hotels. Keep that in mind.

I’d also like to make another final note. While the hotel is wonderful in quality and company, I will say this; nobody is nearly as friendly as they are in places like Mountain Lodge or Hotel Opera. Don’t get me wrong, they are still very nice, but they don’t have that casual friendliness that one takes for granted at some of the lower ranking establishments. However, if you prefer the well educated and proper- but not pretentious- crowd, this may be just the place for you to visit. It’s an exquisite vacation destination.

What to Bring:

This last category is reserved for my list of things that I would suggest bringing. This list does not include the usual things, like clothes, grooming supplies, petpet care things, and other personal items.

-Fancy clothes- This hotel has an implied dress code. No T-shirts allowed.

-Long white gloves- Essential for handling things like teacups and highly polished candelabras.

-Bookmarks- At least twenty. You’ll want to mark a lot of places in your books.

-Neopoints- For purchasing anything from reading material to jipple pear sundaes.

Well, I suppose that’s all there is to say for this trip. In case you didn’t get the message, it’s a wonderful place! I would recommend this hotel to anyone who wants a high class holiday. If that’s you, or one of your pets, I’d like to remind you that everyone here has been promised a discounted jipple pear ice cream sundae. Please be sure to try one. They are outstanding! I’ll see you all in about four weeks, with a new review for my first five star deluxe hotel. Faerie Castle, be warned. Brent, your favorite reviewer, is coming to town! I hope that all of my devoted readers have a lovely four weeks, and I look forward to seeing you all again soon! This is Brent, setting down his quill.

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