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Why Pirates and Slushies Don't Mix

by streamergurl


It started out innocently enough. The dedicated Krawk decided to try his hand at the Slushie Slinger game, even though he'd had a full day's worth of work playing Yooyuball. At first things went well. But as the lines increased and the customers became more demanding, the Krawk lost his focus. He began slinging slushies, regardless of flavor, over the counters to the eager customers. When he couldn't make it to the proper counter in order to retrieve the last falling cup, the whistle blew. His time was up. Game over.

Frustrated by a long day's work, the intricacies of the new game he hadn't trained for and a good old pirate temper, the Krawk exploded at the approaching referee who had come to tell him his score. "This is an insane game. Pets are running at me from three different sides, I'm supposed to get ALL the orders right, and then I'm supposed to turn around and CATCH the empty cups they throw back at me in between all that? I can't even catch the drinks when my back is to the counter? How is that not allowed? Why don't you just hire some more people to help with the rush? Or at least install a trash can? WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS STUPID GAME? I QUIT."

Dasher Soley stormed out of the Slushie Slinger stand that day, never to return. The fact that his team had been watching hadn't helped matters. Word soon quickly spread among the crowds that there had been a pirate meltdown at the Slushie stands. It was the first disastrous strike against the pirates and the Slushie Slinger game.

The fans had been mostly undeterred by Dasher's outburst. Most agreed with his questions over the rules of the game, but those who did well at the game continued on. By this point in the tournament, all players and fans stuck to playing the games they loved and did well, leaving the other games alone for experts in the field.

Unbeknownst to most of the fans, the Slushie experts were called away for various reasons on the day of the Faerieland match during the second Altador Cup. The Krawk Island Slushie stands were unattended for most of the day. It surprised everyone when that match was declared a draw.

It spurred more fans into action, vowing to spend more time at the dreaded game. The experts apologized for their absence and renewed their commitment to their team as they maneuvered the difficult game with ease that surprised both beginners and novices. But soon boredom set in. The Slushie Slinger game went down in Altador Cup history as the game that the pirates consistently lost. It has been an uphill battle since those early accounts.

Pirates have always struggled with slushies. Why? The answers vary, and I shall attempt to give the most popular ones here.


Dasher summed it up best. The rules of the game are a little nuts. The pace increases until you can't keep up. You have no way to earn extra lives (after seven levels of perfect orders and catches, you think we would get a break or something), there are no trash cans or even extra help in sight. Just as you're ready to strangle the creator of the game, the last cup falls to the ground, announcing the end of the stressful session. Fans must gather their nerves and decide whether or not to risk another attempt at the slowest and most dreaded of all the side games.

Short Attention Spans

Pirates are simple creatures. Go after the gold. Silver or bronze will work, too. Ooo, that lamp is awfully shiny. How much time do I have before lunch? Wait, is that a dubloon?

Yooyuball is a hard game, but it only lasts three minutes. It is three intense minutes, but in the end it is still a short game. Make Some Noise and Shootout Showdown are both simple games. What draws the crowd of fans to those two games is not only are they easy, but they are short. Fans with limited amounts of game time will likely choose the shorter games to play before reluctantly leaving the stands.

Slushie Slinger is the longest game out of the four Altador Cup games. It is naturally the one played the least, since most players have time restraints on their visits to the Colosseum.


The point of the game is to give slushies to customers. Pirates have tempers, and a surprising majority keep their tantrums in check with grog. No grog means cranky pirates. Cranky pirates means easily stressed pirates. Pirates who are easily stressed don't need to be standing in front of long lines of screaming customers.

While the slushies may resemble some of Neopia's finest grog, true pirates are aware that these slushies aren't the most favored pirate drink.

It is rumored that some pirates drank grog in between their games during the third Altador Cup. These rumors also suggest grog is responsible for the consistent low scores in that area during the season. Timing and coordination are required for Slushie Slinger, so pirate experts of the game have learned not to partake of the favored pirate drink until after their stands close for the night.

Pirate Handicaps

Slushie Slinger requires the use of two hands. Some pirates have only a hook for a hand, and other pirates sport a pegleg. These unique traits have never appeared more out of place than during slinging slushies. The game is hard enough with two hands. Add in a hook and you have a whole new set of problems. How do I catch that cup? How do I fill that cup?

Peglegs ache when stood on for long amounts of time. The unfortunate pirate who happens to rub their leg during the long game of Slushie Slinger will likely miss a cup or a customer while doing so.

Rumors have abounded that one angry pirate smashed the green slushie maker with his hook during the first day of the fourth Altador Cup. While the report has never been confirmed, a scratch was found on the far side of the green slushie machine, suggesting something did take place. Experts have tested the machine, though, and have announced it still works perfectly. While some may disagree with that finding, Krawk Island has continued to work hard at what has become their biggest obstacle.

Pirate Tempers

Combined with all the other factors, a pirate temper added onto any of these other problems makes for an interesting day of game play every day at the slushie stands. Please remember that the machines do break, and the time taken to fix them is time we could be using to play against your rivals. It's much better to take a break for yourself and help relax you than to break a machine and hurt your team's chances of succeeding.

Some people have found that it helps just to yell out your objections in your head rather than out loud. If you must shout, wait until after the game is over to do so. Whatever you do, don't yell at the referee. He has been known to take away points when treated unkindly. Pirates need all the points they can get out of the game!

Well, there are a few of the popular reasons why pirates and slushies don't always mix. Pirates, we must trudge on and continue playing no matter what! Pirate rivals, don't take this article as an excuse to cream us at slushies. Pirates never back down from a fight, and we are constantly gearing up to win this insane battle of the slushies!

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