Shopping for Fyora
Fyora's birthday is mere months away. Why should you care? Well, rumour has it that she is 59.1468% more likely to give awesome quests to those who give her nice presents on her birthday and 32.8753% more likely to ask the Fountain Faerie to give quests to those who really please her on that day. Yeah, that got your attention, didn't it? Why collect millions of neopoints over months and months for a fancy-schmancy paintbrush when you can give the faerie queen the right present at the right time and get instant gratification? No reason, that's why!
I'm sure some of the more sensible (read: boring) among you are nitpicking at the teeny flaws in the plan. “Fyora isn't open to such bribery,” you whine. “Why would she want anything you could give her when she has riches beyond our imaginations? Where did you get those dodgy statistics from? And what would you get the faerie queen?”
The answer to those in order: a) because everyone loves surprises, b) never you mind, and c) that is what we are going to discuss in this article!
So, what do you buy the faerie queen of all Neopia?
You're probably thinking you should get her something expensive and rare. That is absurd. Fyora owns the most expensive shop in all of Neopia. Anything that you can buy her, she can already buy for herself. She probably even has all of the best stuff in Neopia, all piled up in the Safety Deposit Box to end all Safety Deposit Boxes. You can toil away, scrimping and saving to buy the best thing you have ever seen – and she'll say, “Oh, how nice. I'll go put it with the others.” Then it will be left to gather dust for all eternity, or until Dr Sloth figures out how to pick the locks on her castle gate.
Then it's hopeless! I'll never get a zombie pet for free!
Well, it is if you take that attitude, Whiny McWhinerson. It's actually pretty easy. What you need to get her is something she would never get for herself.
I don't understand.
And this is why we need Neoschools. But I shall explain. Would Fyora ever lower herself to playing the Tiki Tack Tombola?
And so she will have absolutely zero Bottles of Red Sand!
...I should get her a Bottle of Sand?
What? No. I'm getting her a bottle of sand. And a nice one, too. I was using it as an example. You can think up other things to get her.
Fine, fine. I'll help you. And I'll even suggest places other than Tiki Tack for you to shop in.
Thank you, what?
Thank you, oh amazing and benevolent one!
That's better. Okay, first, Tiki Tack...
Fyora is a pretty classy lady. Pretty classy ladies like pretty things. Apply this logic to your visit of Tiki Tack and you should find many perfect gifts for Fyora. For example, a Mystery Island Shell Necklace. Fyora likes fancy jewellery, but she has many demands on her time. She can't possibly afford to comb Mystery Island for shells and the arduously string them all together.
Another, more inventive idea is the Cracked Bottle of Sand. Fyora's fellow faeries are always getting trapped in bottles. Point out to Fyora that, if the faeries were to use their strength and simply smash the bottle – smashed like the bottle you've given her – they would spend a lot less time in jars. Fyora will be so pleased that you've saved her peers!
Krawk Island Nippers
Krawk Island is a den of depravity. Can you see Fyora going there? Didn't think so. But don't you think she might like a pirate petpet? Of course she would! And there are lots for you to choose from. But as we've established that you have dung for brains, I'll choose for you. Get her a Swabby. That castle of hers is huge and I'm sure she needs something to help clean it! If you don't think that's pretty enough, paint it pink and maybe doll it up with some Purple Eye Shadow.
On a related note, why not try the Grooming Parlour? Hey, why do you look so horrified?
You want me to tell the queen of faeries she isn't pretty enough? Are you insane?
That is precisely the sort of attitude which makes the Grooming Parlour perfect! Fyora can't possibly go in there without rumours of her not being naturally pretty spreading like... like something spready. Peanut butter on warm Altadorian Bread, maybe. But if you go in for her, she gets the perks of beauty treatment without smug looks everywhere she goes. Get her the Faerie Kougra Claw Polish.
...but she's not a Kougra.
But she is a faerie! That's halfway there.
...but she doesn't have claws!
Neither does your face. Yet. You want me to set my Grarrl on you?
Since you don't have a Grarrl-
Just shut up.
Hey, that one's not bad.
Precisely! Fyora doesn't want to go to dark, dingy Neovia, but who wouldn't love one of the Crumpetmonger's delicious treats? Plus, even if she already has the treat you have, it's still useful. It's perfect!
Exactly. I recommend the Fish Pie.
Yeah! Wait, what?
The fish pie. You know, the one with fish heads sticking out.
But... there are so many nice things there. Why don't I get her a Raspberry Kolache or Vanilla Cream Puffs?
Fyora is accustomed to fancy stuff. You don't want to give her the same boring stuff she usually eats, do you?
Then Fish Pie it is.
If you're really that hesitant about the Fish Pie, why not walk a short distance over to Spooky Food? There you will find all kinds of delicacies, like Baked Intesteen and Squishy Brain Wrap!
That's even stupider than before.
No, it isn't.
Yes, it is. I think this is a trick.
It is, isn't it? You want to send everyone in Neopia off to get the worst present imaginable for Fyora so whatever you're getting her looks better in comparison.
I don't know what you're talking about. I have to go now. For unrelated reasons. Goodbye.
Get back here! Hey, where'd you get that Super Hero Usuki?