The most fantastic thing in the universe! Circulation: 176,283,343 Issue: 343 | 16th day of Hunting, Y10
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by bettyming


Outback had quite enough.

     "Cuddlepuff, you hedonistic fool, what have you gotten yourself into now?!?"

     After hearing the rather loud crash come from downstairs, he rushed down only to see Cuddlepuff standing there with a scooter in the middle of the kitchen. Outback had found it odd that for being the smartest one in his family, he was painted such an odd and crazy colour. He was a Christmas Blumaroo, with candy cane stripes. Brown was a more suitable colour for his intellectual ways. People would always come up to him in the middle of a great book and asked if he wanted to play some sort of outdoor game that required great training, and the answer was always "no". He preferred reading far more.


     Cuddlepuff had quite enough.

      After seeing if he could ride his scooter around the house with no one noticing, he looked away for one second after seeing his favorite show on Neovision. However, that one second made all the difference as he promptly crashed into the kitchen table. He nervously looked around, only to see Outback scolding him on "common sense." While letting his mind drift away during Outback's lecture, he remembered a painful memory of the time a young user had pranced up to him with a Flotsam and a Shoyru following her.

     "Oh, your little Kacheek is so adorable painted Christmas! What's her name?"

      This was before the re-draws, so she couldn't have known any better. But it still pained Cuddlepuff to be addressed as a female Kacheek. Would they ever learn? For some reason, he thought white would suit him better. Cuddlepuff always wanted to draw on himself.


     Marshmallow had quite enough.

     The user addressed in Cuddlepuff's story had approached their family again, and started calling him "cute" and "adorable" before bettyming had chased the user away, screaming "STALKER!" and swinging a Bronze Short Sword. But the memory still burned in his mind. In reality, Marshmallow had a heart of pure evil that could strike fear into the bravest of heroes. And he had been called "cute". Marshmallow hated being a Baby Kacheek. Darigan was far better.


     Rainyfields was just fine.

     She loved her life as a Cloud Gelert. Everyone was always complementing her. She loved the sky and all the creatures that lived in its endless blue glory. Maybe life could be a bit better if she was a Shoyru. But she wanted it to be a grand mystery. She couldn't understand what everyone was so mad about.


     Cuddlepuff casually strolled into Marshmallow's room.

     "Hey Marshmallow," said Cuddlepuff casually. Marshmallow quickly hid papers Cuddlepuff swore said "Werelupe Ray" and several maps of Faerieland.

     "WHAT? I'm VERY BUSY!" screamed Marshmallow in a very agitated tone. He had severe temper issues.

     "I was thinking. So you, me and Outback want to be painted different colors. Well, what if instead of spending millions buying paintbrushes, we just make some?" asked Cuddlepuff casually.

     "Hm. The chemical compounds of a paintbrush are very complex. It would be difficult to make one." Marshmallow sighed. "But we all have too much time on our hands, so we can try."


      On the first day, Marshmallow gathered all the compounds familiar to Paint Brushes. There were about 138. He also got his "My Little Evil Genius Chemistry Set" and a Jazzmosis Shirt that would act like a paintbrush. They tried again and again and again, working long into the nights, working for days straight. For nearly all of the compound combinations, either their efforts were fruitless, or Cuddlepuff (who was testing all the combinations) turned into an entirely different species of pet for a day. Three times he was a Kougra, eight times an Ixi, and fifteen times a Lutari. Cuddlepuff was miserable in Marshmallow's room, which started to smell strangely like peanuts, possibly from all the failed combinations.

     "Okay, now this may make you into a Jetsam, but-"

     "STOP! I can't take it anymore! With the compounds and the shirt brush and the species and-"

     "What is going on here?" scolded Bettyming. Both Cuddlepuff and Marshmallow had a blank and confused look on their faces. Marshmallow was the first to speak.

     "Trying to make a paintbrush."

      Bettyming thought for a second.

     "I bought some paintbrushes. I was thinking about how your paint jobs didn't match your personalities so I secretly saved up and bought the paintbrushes everyone wanted."

     Indeed, in that glorious shopping bag there was a Darigan Paint Brush, a White Paint brush, and a Brown Paintbrush. They both had a look of shock on their faces.

     Suddenly, Outback entered the room.

     "I smell someone making a peanut butter sandwich or- what the Darigan-"

     "We tried to make a paintbrush." said Cuddlepuff, with a tone of remorse in his voice.

     "I can see that," said Outback.

     "And we FAILED!" growled Marshmallow, his eyes glowing red.

     Bettyming logically thought out the failures before she came to a logical explanation.

     "You wouldn't have succeeded anyway. First, Paint Brushes are magic, not scientific. Second, Paint Brushes are powerful magic. If you tried to use it, you'd launch yourself to Kreludor. Third, the 'My Little Evil Genius Chemistry Set' is a toy."

      Both Marshmallow and Cuddlepuff were shocked.

     "So. I. Went. Through. All. That. For. Nothing," said Cuddlepuff , glaring at Marshmallow.

     Marshmallow just stared at the chemistry set that had failed him. He was having difficulty comprehending the fact that he wasted all those compounds that he could have used in the domination of Faerieland on a foolish goal like making paintbrushes. Bettyming broke the awkward silence first.

     "Who wants to go to the Rainbow Pool?"


      All four pets joyously went to the Rainbow Pool. Rainyfields had no reason to be there, but Outback, Cuddlepuff, and Marshmallow raced to the Rainbow Pool. Outback got there first, coating himself with Brown paint, watching his red and white stripes melt into the water. Cuddlepuff painted pictures of sailboats and trains using the White Paint brush, which diffused into the rest of his fur. Marshmallow quickly painted himself Darigan, happily watching his reflection in the water. Later that day, while they were all eating lunch in the Food Shop, the young owner that came up to them and called Marshmallow "cute," unfortunately, approached them again. Now, her Shoyru was Faerie and her Flotsam was Royal.

     "Ick! Your pets are SO gross now!"

     This was everyone's final straw.

      Bettyming pulled a bronze Short Sword out of her backpack and, in a fit of rage, chased her away, yelling "LEAVE US ALONE, YOU CRAZY STALKER!" Marshmallow just stared at her pets, making his eyes a solid white and smiling with all his big, sharp teeth showing. At that point they slowly backed away and exited the Food Shop. Cuddlepuff laughed at their misfortune. Outback tried to ignore them and continue reading his book. They never saw the stalker again. And they finally felt that their paint job matched them. Everyone was doing fine. Cuddlepuff did, actually, draw little planets and trees and smiley faces on himself, which drew a lot of attention. Marshmallow was more intimidating than ever. And Outback felt his intelligence was reassured. They finally had more important things to focus on.

The End

This is my first short story. If you were thought in the end they'd be okay with what they were painted, no hate mail.

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