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Cooking With Donnovun - Gross Foods


by luvas

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Do your pets look like they've been hit with a SUAP after you feed them? Do they refuse it and tell you 'Yuck! I am not eating one of those'? Do you yourself scowl upon gross foods, even when they seem perfectly edible? I am Donnovun G. Katongri, here to show you excellent uses for the 'gross' foods that are hated by so many pets and owners save Alien Aishas. I know you may be thinking that when a gross food is deemed 'gross', nothing can be helped to make it edible. Hopefully I can prove you wrong. Welcome to my Cooking Show, "Cooking With Donnovun".

I will start by giving off a few obvious instructions, such as washing up before preparing anything, and to clean your utensils. Make sure to clean them in between preparing each meal. And now, I'll begin the cooking session. These first recipes will be very simple, something that should come up as obvious and along with some "D'oh!"s.

First we shall start off with a well known 'gross' food. The Duck Neck. You are likely thinking, "Eww, who would wanna eat a duck's NECK?!?" but that is the beauty of it, my dear. While you and your pets grimace at the disgusting neck complete with head staring out into nothingness, you fail to see the rest of the duck. The plump, juicy body, and the veggies it comes with. Simply grab a Sword Of Domar (or other sharp object) and remove the neck, and we have a delicious roast duck. You may wish to recook it to make it crispier. And there we go! Use a little duck sauce or some other sauce and you have a delicious meal for one pet, or possibly more. That was pretty easy, no?

I shall show you yet another 'gross' food that people often overlook. A Fish Cake. As we look at this cake, what makes it so unpleasing? Two green fish protruding from each side. Simply pull the offending trout from their places and you have a fine cake. Take a look at the cake, as the description says 'A large fish cake coated in extra sweet strawberry icing'. This could mean that the cake itself is 'fish' flavored, or simply that two fish are stuck in it. If the cake tastes normal, simply eat around the places where the fish were stuck in. Voila! Another problem very easily solved.

 Carawool. EWW! But wait, what's this?

There are foods made of wool, that pets *do* enjoy. Such as Gnorbu Wool Burgers, Gnorbu Wool Candy Floss, Gnorbu Wool and Jelly Sandwiches, and Gnorbu Wool Noodles. What is the difference? It appears that a simple bun separates 'yum' from 'yuck'. You can sandwich it, put it on a stick, put it in noodles, or smear it with jelly. Then, the difference is almost invisible. You just made a meal out of a gross food. Cool, eh?

Chocolate Sundae with ham. Gobs of chocolate ice cream covered in thin slices of ham. Did you hear that? Covered. Simply pull the nasty ham off and you have a chocolate sundae. The ham is only on the top, nowhere else, so the smart thing to do would be to simply take the ham off. It should not taste any different than a normal sundae.

Buttered Watermelon is our next victim. This should be a no-brainer. Simply wipe the butter off, rinse the melon out, and you should have a normal watermelon slice. It might taste slightly buttery still, if you do not rinse it good enough, but it's better compared to the huge chunk of melted butter on it before. It may be impossible to get the butter out, especially if it is melted, so I suggest eating around it.

There are two ways to make this Tonguewich edible. One clever way would be to remove the tongue from the sandwich. You now have a plain lettuce sandwich. Maybe add some mayo and Danish Bacon to it. You could either put the tongue in a pita wrap or serve it with veggies. You have now made two edible foods from one nasty one.

Next is this ear of corn, in tomato sauce (The URL says "ketchup"). A simple solution would be to wipe the sauce off and rinse the corn out. Now we have some normal corn. *listens for D'ohs*

Here is some Tuna Porridge. This can be a gamble; if the fish has not already ruined the porridge you can quickly remove the tuna fillets and stir the porridge. If it does not taste fishy then you have saved a perfectly good bowl of porridge.

Our last basic recipe involves this Strawberry Artichoke. Pick the Strawberry off, and now you have a Strawberry (Amazing!). Dip it in chocolate and you have a Strochal. The Artichoke you can also eat or throw away.

Well! Those were some pretty easy recipes, right? Now we move on to more challenging bits.

Take these gruesome Toasted Quiggle Legs for example. I do not prefer such a dish, but there is a way to make this seemingly hideous dish still worth getting. You will need a pie crust and some other spices and quality pie ingredients. Place the legs in the pie, and then add the pie ingredients, like you would a Meaty Pot Pie. You need to bake the pie in an oven in a temperature of 335ยบ F for about thirty minutes. When you are done, you will have made a delicious Quiggle Pie. (Maybe not 'delicious', but definitely an improvement.)

Stuffed Frogs are truly a shame. If they were like chicken they would taste awesome. But unfortunately, they do not taste like chicken. At least I don't think so. You can either make the frog into a Quiggle Pie like I mentioned earlier, or take the stuffing out and use it for a turkey or something. Such excellent stuffing ought not go to waste.

This cooking show concludes with my personal favorite: Bacon And Eggs Ice Cream. Before you give me any looks, allow me to explain. Separate the eggs and the bacon and put them on a plate. Place them in a microwave, or an oven, and cook them. You may think that the ice cream is going to melt, but actually... *gets already cooked Bacon And Eggs Ice Cream from a microwave* ...The eggs become nice and scrambled, and the bacon gets nice and crispy. A classic form of bacon and eggs! How amazing is that? The 'ice cream' is really frozen scrambled eggs, and the cone is made of bacon! And now, you have a delicious breakfast from a completely nasty product.

Now, don't you see the things you can do with supposedly gross foods? We made several fine foods from things that most pets would not touch. I hope you enjoyed my cooking show, and be sure to look out for my self-written cookbook coming to a bookstore far, faaar away from near you!

It's called "Cooking With Donnovun, Volume 1". It describes the uses for the so-called 'gross foods' that I have explained here, with recipes so simple that it is amazing no one has thought it up before! It'll be selling for 3,000 NP and will be coming out never soon!

Once again I thank you for joining me in my castle house, and I wish you good luck, and next time you see a gross food, give it a chance, especially if you are on a budget, for who knows, maybe you will come up with something too! Thank you all and goodnight, everybody! This is Count Chef Donnovun here, and this is "Cooking With Donnovun"! See ya next time!

Disclaimer: The book 'Cooking With Donnovun' is not real. But wouldn't it be PWNful if it was! One can only dream. XD ~ Luvas

 
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