Dear Roxy: R Before S

In the alphabet, the letter R always will come before S. Roxy shall always come before Sloth. Roxy shall always be first and Sloth shall always be second. Don't you just love the alphabet?

ROXY'S DESK-First of all, Slothy's last article was full of lies. We never went to high school together; I wasn't alive when Sloth went to high school. He went to high school back in the days of the chisel and stone tablet and I am not talking about Tyrannia. In fact, I highly doubt Slothy graduated. I heard he has horrible math skills and failed his Algebra. Hey Slothy, I have a little math problem for you. If R equals an adorable, Striped Shoyru that can offer advice and S equals a badly dressed mastermind who can't offer advice. Which variable has the greater value? Slothy, did you figure it out? I don't have all day…I can't wait three hours for an answer. Well, the answer is R > S. Get it right, Slothy, dear?

Second of all, I don't neomail anyone with bright magenta font. Magenta is so not in this summer, pink is in. Third, I am qualified to give advice more than Sloth is. I have been giving advice all my life, I am certified genius and I graduated top of my class in high school and college. Frankie, why should they listen to you when you can't even solve for X? I always know what X is. Fourth, I wear clothes, dear. Get your facts straight, I don't frolic about naked. I can't say the something about you though; I heard that you were a frequent visitor to those nude beaches.

I am all for an advice war, Slothy. I'm not afraid of you. I've never been the type to fly off when a challenge is thrown my way and I will not flee now. I will face you head on. I just hope you know what you are getting into. You might be able to handle an army of goons all with IQs less than two but I'm not one of your goons. I am one feisty Shoyru filled with fire and spirit. The question is... can you handle this?

Dear Roxy:

I think it is so funny when you rip on Doctor Sloth. Could you do it some more?

-Sloth Hater

Dear Sloth Hater:

How could I ignore the request of a fan? The introduction was for you and for the record, Slothy started it!

-Roxy

Dear Roxy: Lately, my brother has been very mean to me. He never lets me go into his room, say hi to his friends, or go any where with him! He used to let me do all those things, but lately he won't. I don't know what happened! We're not as close as we used to be!

-A Very Hurt Little Lupe

Dear A Very Hurt Little Lupe:

Don't be sad. Its not that your brother is mean, he is just growing up. He just wants to have his own space and time with his friends. He isn't acting this way because he doesn't like you; it is just that your brother wants time for himself. This happens when you grow up and I am sure your brother doesn't mean to be cruel to you. Tell him that you don't like his hurtful actions towards you and that you'd prefer that you could be closer like you used to. You could probably set aside special time once a week where you two can walk in the park or play a sport, some real quality time together. Your brother will still probably tell you to stay out of your room but you need to respect his wishes because that is his room. If you have younger siblings, you will get to the same point your brother is feeling now. It is just all part of growing up, your brother will realize quickly though family is always there. So don't be sad, keep your chin up high. You can't beat time and growing up.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy: I recently got a Random Event; it was from the Grundo Leader. Now, when you hear Grundo Leader, you immediately picture this big strong guy, correct? Well, he's pink. Reason?

-Suzie Who Sells Seashells in the Seashell Shack

Dear Suzie Who Sells Seashells in the Seashell Shack:

I was surprised to hear this, too. Out of the hundred of flunkies Sloth has only one has fashion sense, I guess it's better than zero.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

Why does the Snowager always blast ice at me? He is mean and has bad breath. How do I make him stop?

-A Cold Kougra

Dear A Cold Kougra:

What did you expect from the Snowager? A warm plate of cookies from straight out of the oven as a bonus gift as a reward from trying to steal from him? If you were trying to steal from me, I'd do something far worse than blast you with ice.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

What would you do for an ice cream bar? Besides, coughing up the money to buy one.

-A Fan of Sugary Dairy Treats

Dear A Fan of Sugary Dairy Treats:

I wouldn't do anything. I like ice cream but I am not going to dance around like a moron or should I say Dr. Frank Sloth to get one. Now, if it was Borovan, you might see me do some crazy stuff for some Borovan.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

You have a guest room, right? Well, I was wondering if it is possible for my Neopets to move in with you and your family.

-Renter's Insurance

Dear Renter's Insurance:

The guest bedrooms are constantly in use, they are hardly ever empty. My owner's, Kudio's and my friends from the Neopian Times Offices are always crashing there. Queenie has regular friends from Mystery Island and Battledome challengers that spend the night. We cannot forget the kids that come over for one of my owner's famous parties and end up staying the night. Well, the rooms are always in use so it would be impossible for us to give one to you. Besides, do I even know you?

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

Really, I'm a big fan of yours and was wondering about your most recent article. What made Troxy into taking over the world? Like, what did the Frank person do?

-Gurgles With Yurbles

Dear Gurgles With Yurbles:

I am not really sure what happened to Troxy. She has always had a major attitude and was feisty. I don't think this Frank person really did much besides encourage her. This Frank seems more incompetent than Dr. Frank Sloth, so, really I doubt we have anything to worry about. They might have plans for world domination but chances of the plans actually working are very slim to none.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

I really want to get rid this certain blue Shoyru. Could you tell me the best way to do this?

-Frank

Dear Frank:

Oh, Slothy, how nice of you to write me. I am sorry but your clever little alias gave you away. For a genius, I figured you'd come up with something better than using your first name. It is so sweet that you'd come to me for advice but I must warn you that you can't get rid of a Shoyru, ever, especially a Striped one, I mean a Blue one.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

My friend is on a trip and I can't stop thinking about her! How do I get her out of my head?

-Can't Forget

Dear Can't Forget:

It is all right for you to miss your friend and what you're feeling is perfectly normal. If you want to get your mind off your friend, keep yourself occupied. You should go play outside or a sport, work on a new project, if you're busy than your mind is too busy to think about your friend. Don't worry, they will be home soon and I bet they are thinking of you, too.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

My Neohome is really, really messy. It's terrible! What should I do?

-Miss Livesinamess

Dear Miss Livesinamess:

Uh, how about you clean it?

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

Where did your owner buy the paintbrush to paint you?

-I Want To Paint My Cute Aisha

Dear I Want To Paint My Cute Aisha:

My owner won it as a random prize from The Storytelling Contest.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

Would you rather be stuck on a desert island with Sloth or a horde of rabid Meepits?

-The Meepit Queen

Dear The Meepit Queen:

None of the above, thank you! I'd want to be stuck on a desert island with a boat, a cute bathing suit, some sun tan lotion and an endless supply of tropical drinks.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

I noticed there are no other advice columns. Would you mind if I was an advice columnist?

-Anna Advice

Dear Anna Advice:

There is another inferior advice column run by Dr. Frank Sloth on the innocent plushieowner's account. There are already two advice columns for The Neopian Times and Slothy, the Editor Snowflake and I feel that two is plenty. Sorry! If giving advice is what you want to do, there are other places you can do it. You can help others on chat boards, guilds or through Neomail.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

I need help with my shop. It seems no matter what I put in it, no one will buy anything! I've tried magic items to foods and nothing works.

-Princess Needs Help

Dear Princess Needs Help:

First of all, you need to make sure your prices are reasonable. Do your research on the Shop Wizard and make sure your prices are low, not outrageously low because you still need to make a profit. You can't have too high either because people aren't going to buy an apple from you for 500 NP when they can get one from one of your competitors for 300 NP. Second of all, advertisement! Post ads for your shop on the appropriate boards, don't over post your shop ad because people will not visit want a spammer. If you follow those two steps your shop till should be filled in no time.

-Roxy

Dear Roxy:

I'm a male Lupe and I have a girly Angelpuss as a petpet. I am afraid that other pets will tease me. I love my Angelpuss and don't want to exchange her for something else. Please help.

-A Worried Lupe

Dear A Worried Lupe:

Excuse me but when did Angelpi become girly? Have you ever met Troxy? She is nothing close to girly. My crazy Angelpuss is bent on world domination and there is nothing girly about that. If the other kids tease you, just ignore them because they have no idea what they are talking or Troxy can pay them a visit. I may not like my petpet at times but Troxy does know how to teach some bullies a lesson.

-Roxy

Remember readers: R is always before S, wear sun block, Slothy is a bad dresser, Roxy is number one and Angelpi are not girly. Thank you and always come to the honest Shoyru for advice rather than the liar, Slothy.

To submit your question/problem to be answered by Roxy, simply send a Neomail to roxycaligirl101. All messages must be appropriate with proper spelling and grammar. Please put the subject as "Dear Roxy." Inappropriate, tasteless, and repeated messages will be deleted, so please don't waste your and my time. Please don't send problems that have already been solved by Roxy. Due to an overwhelming amount of messages, Roxy cannot answer all the messages. All messages are subjected to editing and can be published. So don't submit something if you don't want to see it in the Neopian Times.