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How to Hide Your Incredible Love for Sloth.

by aspirina


Followers of Sloth always get a bad rap. From shaming in popular culture, to a constant shunning on the boards, life is not always easy if you *heart* sloth. Because of this, some followers of our glorious leader want to hide their love while in public. It’s not easy, by any means; the love Sloth followers have for their leader is without bounds. But, as a follower of Sloth, you are not alone. Here are a few tips on how to make your love for Sloth a little less obvious, and avoid the pains of a public shaming!

First, you’re going to have to get rid of that unsightly avatar. “Sloth!” is the pinnacle of the avatar collection for many followers. If you’re like me, you still remember the day that Sloth smiled kindly upon you and, with a sly smile, place in your possession a unique Sloth avatar, deeming you worthy to use his most awesome of images while speaking on the neoboards. Likewise, procuring the beautiful “I *heart* Sloth” avatar may have been the highlight of your January. Answering questions about your favorite evil mastermind on his day of honor sounds like a wonderful time. Despite the aesthetic beauty of both avatars, they can be perceived very negatively on the Neoboards. People will look to your avatars as an admission of possible guilt, as a physical manifestation of some evil you must hold in your heart. They must not know the real Sloth. They just don’t understand the incredible intelligence and skill it takes for someone to be able to lead an army of Grundos to (almost) world domination! Despite their absolute wrongness, many followers of Sloth still yearn for public acceptance. The first way to gain this much-needed affirmation from our peers is to get rid of the avatars of Sloth-- at least for now.

Second, you’re going to have to knock off the talks of world domination. Sloth’s plans are brilliant. Rife with the intellect of a genius, every plan of domination coming out of Sloth Enterprises is an incredible one worthy of praise from any loyal helper of Sloth. Thus, it’s only natural to want to share your own plans of world domination with fellow followers all over Neopia, in the hopes that word will come to Sloth that you deserve a spot in leadership closer to him. However, many of the plans of world domination coming from those not gifted with the intellect of Sloth are… not of the highest quality. Let’s face it-- not every Neopian has the capacity for world domination which Sloth has been gifted with . As such, many of the ideas of world takeovers presented by his followers don’t match up to his own. But in addition, the real danger that talks of hostile-takeovers of Neopia presents is that it consistently freaks out the average Neopian. Picture this: you’re a normal, non Sloth-loving citizen of Neopia. While going out for groceries, you turn a corner to see two people with Sloth t-shirts on hunched over, whispering something about “crushing the status quo of Neopia”. Scary, right? So, be it on the boards or in the middle of Neopia City, we Sloth followers must stop discussing world domination in an active effort to preserve our public image.

Next, you need to cool down on the Sloth themed, well, everything! The Sloth community is one of the most fanatic in all of Neopia, second perhaps only to the crazy Altador Cup crew! Because of this, it’s not hard to understand why followers may go all-out when it comes to signatures, fonts, userlookups, shops, and galleries. In fact, many accounts even name themselves after the great creator and his misdeeds! While a healthy love for Grundos is unavoidable (I mean, just look at their cute little ears!), a fully Sloth-themed Userlookup may be going a bit overboard. You have to remember that for most Neopians, the image of Sloth is one of evil and is very scary! When going to your userlookup to offer on your paintbrush lot on the Trading Post, most Neopians would be flabbergasted to see an image of the evil ruler plastered across the page. The same goes for your gallery, shop, and neosignature. Seeing this image can immediately make other users scared for their safety-- Sloth has quite the reputation. We Sloth-lovers must always be ready to cool down on our open love for Sloth when personalizing our Neo-accounts in order to bolster the way our friends and acquaintances see us.

In addition, you ought to consider shopping somewhere other than the Virtupets Space Station occasionally. The Virtupets Space Station is an incredible place to be. They sell weapons, Armor, food, petpets, and you can even adopt a Grundo! Additionally, the space station was the last stop of Sloth when he tried to take over in Y2. Much of Sloth’s following resides in the space station, casually waiting until the day they are called back into action for a fight against the oppressive Neopets regime. So believe me, I understand the desire to spend ample amounts of time in this Sloth Supercenter!However, your friends notice that you only ever seem to shop at the Virtupets Station, and they are starting to get worried. For the uninitiated, the Virtupets Space Station is a new and scary place. It is miles above the surface of Neopia, harbors strange food and weapons, and was the starting location of an ACTUAL NEOPETS DOMINATION PLAN. When friends and strangers alike see that you and your pets eat exclusively Grundo foods, fight with only Space Weaponry’s products, and come back with a new adopted grudo every shopping trip, they start to get a little creeped out. In order to successfully hide some of your love for Sloth and his misdeeds, try shopping somewhere else. I heard Kreludor is nice this time of year…

In order for Sloth’s plans for Neopian domination to be successful, he must have an army of well-respected Neopians ready to do his bidding. If every Sloth follower was easily identifiable, how would Sloth be able to initiate surprise coup on the leadership of Neopia? For Sloth followers who crave acceptance, the benefits to keeping a low profile are two-fold. We can better serve Sloth if we aren’t outed as supporters so easily, and it will be less difficult to make friends! In order to keep a lower profile in public, Sloth followers should hide their love on the Neoboards, be careful with their public discussion of world domination, and remember to never go overboard on the Userlookup and galleries!

But then, no follower can contain their love for the glorious Sloth for long...

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