 99 Ways to Tell if You're a Sloth Minion
by darci44
--------
SPACE STATION - This is my second Neopian Times submission. Thanks everyone who
helped me finish this one, and thanks for all the encouraging letters from my
fans from my previous article. And yes, I am a Sloth minion. The people who helped
me do this were (not real usernames but nicknames) Francis, Eyeshah, Nafees, tabby,
wolfie, cobra, hat, and doctor. Sorry if I didn’t mention you. I just forgot,
or didn’t want to mention you. MUAHAHAHA!!!! SLOTH ROCKS! *goes into dark corner
and creates plan for ruling Neopia*
1. You’re a reg on the Virtupets Chat.
2. You taped a picture of the Space Faerie on a punching bag.
3. You found the recipe for transmogrification potions.
4. You use those potions to turn your pets into mutants.
5. You send pictures of your mutant pets to Neopets thousands of times until
they put it in the Art Gallery.
6. You have sent thousands of hate mail to TNT about canceling the Sloth plot.
7. You skipped school for a week and said you were mourning when the TNT cancelled
the Sloth plot.
8. You put a picture of Hannah on the other side of your punching bag because
she stole Sloth’s plot.
9. You teach your mutant dog to rip apart all pictures of the space faerie.
10. You have sent all Neopians who don’t have their Neomail blocked a petition
to bring back the Sloth plot.
11. Your username is something like SLTH_LUVR_241.
12. You have printed out images of mutox syrup and ate them in a desperate
attempt to become mutant.
13. You have brainwashed your friend to love Sloth.
14. Your username is darci44.
15. You have invented obedience medallions that work.
16. You used the obedience medallions on your friends.
17. You don’t have any friends because Sloth is your only friend.
18. You cry when someone tells you that Sloth is a pile of pixels.
19. You invented a Sloth robot and posted a picture on it on your userlookup
to prove people wrong when they say he’s pixels.
20. You are too lazy to build a robot, so you tell people that Sloth is the
mightiest of all pixels.
21. You stole Snarkie’s Halloween costume.
22. You throw a party whenever Sloth takes over the news.
23. You realize that Sloth is a great leader because he makes the news extra
long.
24. You dyed your hair green and made 3 long spikes.
25. You go to school with that hairdo.
26. You don’t go to school because you are worried that Sloth will start a
plot when you’re not there.
27. You have watched the Brucey B plot at least one thousand times.
28. You have been nicknamed Slothy’s helper.
29. You enjoy that nickname.
30. You earned the nickname.
31. You have Sloth footsy pajamas.
32. You refuse to be Neofriends to anyone without a mutant pet.
33. Your friend sells you a black cape for 300 dollars.
34. You have a collection of plastic ring of Sloths.
35. You steal all Sloth Piñatas and hide them in your Neohome where they can
never get hurt.
36. You obliterate anyone in the Battledome if they break a Piñata.
37. You obliterate anyone for doing anything against Sloth.
38. You found a way to gain war points for the Brucey B war after it was finished.
39. You sewed an I love Sloth T-shirt.
40. You wore that shirt every day.
41. You painted your body green.
42. You force your friends to address Sloth as “The Ruler”
43. Sloth has Neomailed you to say thanks for being a good minion.
44. You are happier with your items after they are zapped to sludge.
45. You have both Sloth avatars.
46. You made an army of Meepits.
47. You know that #46 has nothing top do with Sloth.
48. You stand up and say “I APPLY TO THAT!” whenever you read each number.
49. You don’t find these funny because they represent your life.
50. You asked your friends where to buy a life.
51. You are serious when you do #50.
52. You have hacked into the Neopets system and brought back the Sloth plot.
53. You have an incredible urge to enslave the Grundos.
54. When you laugh it sounds like ‘MUAHAHAHA!!!!!’
55. You refuse to eat anything green.
56. You are included in the next Sloth plot.
57. You carry a ray gun to school.
58. You have taken over an acre or more in land in the name of Sloth.
59. You talk about the Neopets wars during history class.
60. You spend one million Neopoints on a so called ‘super plastic ring of Sloth’
61. You spend hours of advert attack so that you can support sloth.
62. You say a quote from Sloth in every other sentence that you speak.
63. You have made a sculpture of Sloth out of putty and chewed gum.
64. Your room has sloth pictures painted on it.
65. You chat with Neopets V.2.
66. You find it fun chatting with that little green pixely thing.
67. SLOTH ROCKS!!!
68. You made a rule that whenever someone says “Sloth” you go onto Neopets,
no matter where you are.
69. Your relatives know who sloth is, and they don’t go on Neopets.
70. You take over Earth in a desperate attempt to be a better minion.
71. You have defeated all anti-Sloths in the Battledome.
72. You know what an anti is.
73. You buy a green painted computer off of your friends for $100,000 because
they told you it was sloth’s computer.
74. You can write this article in 1 minute.
75. You draw Sloth’s face on your school with spray paint.
76. You don’t find any of these funny, because you have experienced all of
them.
77. You replace the statue in the center of your town with a statue of Sloth.
78. Sloth is on your Neofriends list.
79. You have a Halloween Moehog.
80. You have every Virtupets stamp.
81. You have forced everybody in your town to take the day off, because you
made that day “Sloth Day”.
82. You use the Sloth smiley on the chat boards whether you’re happy, sad,
angry, surprised etc.
83. You refuse to sleep on Sloth day because you think sloth will come in a
space ship led by Grundos giving out presents to all sloth minions.
84. MEEP!
85. Sorry, I needed to get #84 out. I love that word. Meep. Meep. Meep.
86. Your tree house is a hi-tech base for enslaving Grundos.
87. Your parents give you a Sloth plushie instead of a quarter when you lose
a tooth.
88. You throw out all of your Neopets trading cards except for Sloth-related
cards.
89. You keep the wrappers of any Neopets merchandise that has to do with Sloth.
90. You made a website that is all about Sloth.
91. You write these down as suggestions for you to do in the future.
92. Your userlookup shield has Sloth on it.
93. You have proof that the Happiness Faerie is not Sloth.
94. You captured the Space Faerie in a jar.
95. You torture the Space Faerie by feeding her bread crumbs.
96. You have converted over 100 antis to minions.
97. You can list 100 more ways without thinking.
98. You don’t think because you are mind-controlled by Sloth.
99. You have done everything on this list.
| 
