The Traveling Neopian: Neolodge Reviews: Stop #2
Hello everyone! It's me, Brent! You may not remember me, especially if you missed Issue #656 of the Neopian Times. Even if you didn't miss it, I'm sure that you have had enough on your plate that you've probably forgotten about me. Pizzaroo nights, Battledome fights, burnt-out lights, exotic sights, a lot of things with -ights suffix. For those of you who don't remember, I'd be more than happy to do a quick recap.
My name is Brent, and I'm a blue Ixi. I got this fantastic new job working for the Neopian Times. I am reviewing Neolodge Hotels. Included with this job is an all-expense paid four week stay at each of the different hotels to ensure that I have the full experience. While this will be wonderful when I get to hotels like Astrovilla, it's not always so much fun when you stay someplace like Cockroach Towers, which is where I just came from. Can I just say unpleasant? Anyway, my review will consist of five specific categories. The first category has been cleverly titled "About the Hotel" and in this section of my review, I am telling you *gasp* about the hotel. This includes information such as where the hotel is located, how much it costs to stay for four weeks with all the extras, what kind of hotel it is, what I have heard about the hotel, that kind of stuff. The second category of my review is titled "First Impressions". In this category, I am going to talk about my first day at the hotel and what my thoughts are about the establishment. My third category "Second Impressions" will detail what I think of the hotel after having stayed there for two weeks. After it has had a chance to grow on me. My fourth category is called "Final Impressions" and that's where I write my final thoughts upon leaving the hotel. My fifth and final category is titled "What to Bring" and in that section, I give you a list of everything that I would recommend bringing with you if you are planning a trip to this hotel. It's easy enough.
About the Hotel:
The Fleapit Motel is a small, two story concrete building over by the Ultimate Bullseye in Meridell. It doesn't look too unpleasant from out here, especially for being a one star economy hotel, the same class as Cockroach Towers, but a bit more pricey. It costs a minimum of ten neopoints per day and a maximum on seventy neopoints per day, depending on the extras. For an all-expense paid stay such as mine, it costs one thousand nine hundred and sixty neopoints, only one hundred and forty neopoints more than it cost for an all-expense paid stay at Cockroach Towers. Not a lot more, but hey, maybe it's worth it. Only time will tell. I haven't heard the best about this place, but after spending four long weeks at Cockroach Towers, it might stand a better chance of a good review with me.
The Fleapit Motel lobby was very simple. The floor was a thick straw mat that had clearly been walked on for months, and the walls were covered with cheap green wallpaper. An unfurnished wooden desk was on the far side of the room, and a simple chair was behind it. There was no other furniture in the lobby. However, there was something completely unforgettable about it; the scent. I've been places that smell like dung and plaid cheese. I've been places that smell like stinky boots and rotten omelettes. But nothing even compared to the scent of the Meridell Rubbish Dump. I was surprised that you could smell it from here, since the Meridell Rubbish Dump was on the farm and the hotel was over by the Ultimate Bullseye. But you could smell it as if you were standing right next to it.
A perky Kacheek with a brilliant head of golden curls was sitting behind the reception desk, and was extremely surprised when I handed her a large sack of neopoints. She handed me the key to my room and pointed me down the hallway, to the right, up the stairs, first room on the left. I grabbed my suitcase and followed her instructions.
I found myself in a tiny room with a straw floor. In one corner was a large straw bed with a straw pillow and a thin white sheet. In the other corner was a modest wooden table with a chair next to it. The chair was hard and wooden, but it had armrests and was draped with a sheet to make it more comfortable. The bathroom was about half the size of the room with a toilet, a sink, and a bathtub. There was a shower head attached to the wall, a luxury that I didn't have last time. Overall, it wasn't the most exciting room that I have ever seen, but it was clean and fairly well kept. In fact, I felt confident enough to head down to the restaurant and grab a bite to eat.
The restaurant was a medium sized room with a large buffet table. Platters of several kinds of food were set on the table. On the other side of the room was another table, on which the burger bar was spread. I wasn't in the mood for a hamburger right now, especially since it looked more like a mystery meat burger, so I started heading through the restaurant buffet. There was a thorough selection of raw potatoes, mouldy potatoes, gruel, stale bread, flat bread, chunky meaty stew, and sludge pie for dessert. I made my selection carefully, choosing a raw potato and a generous helping of stew. Compared to the molten food I had eaten in Moltara, this tasted great.
After eating, I decided to go have a soak in the Jacuzzi, see how that looked. I was dismayed to find that the water was icy cold. So was the water in the (slightly green) swimming pool. The tennis courts looked safe enough, so I played a few rounds with a Gnorbu who was staying at the hotel. After that, I headed back to my room in hopes of a nice hot bath, but the hotel didn't have any hot water, so I took a very quick cold bath and went to bed.
It was a rough night. I didn't have any problems with my room in the daytime, but at night the petpetpets came out. There were Blechies, Cooties, Fleafs, and worst of all, Itchies. I scratched and scratched all night long, and I was thrilled when the shops finally opened in the morning. First thing on the list? Smug Bug Spray.
At first, I was really excited to be someplace different, but things changed after being there for a while. My straw bed was nice and soft, but after a few days, it was also very smelly. I called a maid, and she calmly told me that the bedding was changed once a week. If I wanted my bed changed more frequently, I would have to pay extra. I gladly handed her the neopoints and she changed the bedding.
The food got old after a while too. While properly prepared Meridellian food is delicious, if you eat too much of it, you aren't always going to be enjoying your meal. They served essentially the same foods for lunch and dinner, and breakfast was simply thick and creamy porridge with a side of fresh berries. On Sundays they offered soft white cheese and hot crossed buns for breakfast with sausage and pea soup for dinner and Meridell pudding for dessert, so I ate dinner at the restaurant then, but I found myself often searching for bargains in the Meridell marketplace and I grew rather fond of fried courgette, a very healthy alternative to potato chips.
I also soon discovered that there wasn't very much to do at the motel. Since it was right next to the Ultimate Bullseye, I could play all the games of that that I wanted, and the motel wasn't too far from Meri Acres Farm, where you can do fun things like count potatoes and guess the weight of a marrow. If you're willing to pay four hundred neopoints, you can pick your own berries and find bits of barbed wire and piles of dung. And if you want to get something for nothing, you can head down the smelly Meridell Rubbish Dump. But if you want to do something really exciting, such as roll cheese down a hill, you have to walk several miles. I know that this sounds like a lot, but after the first three days or so, it gets old. None of these activities take a very long time to do.
Since there was nothing overly interesting around the motel to do, I figured that I'd talk to some of the neighbors. A number of the other guests at the hotel were only staying overnight before heading back home. They were mostly farmers, and they had come to trade goods on Meri Acres Farm. Other guests were there so that they could improve their Ultimate Bullseye skills, and a few very interesting guests were world travelers who were there in order to explore Meridell. But nobody stuck around for long. The Fleapit Motel doesn't really encourage long holidays.
After a complete four week stay at the Fleapit Motel, I am more than ready to move on. While the facilities are nice and clean, and the food is good, it lacks the variety that all hotels and motels need to be interesting. However, it is not the worst place imaginable to spend a short holiday, if you don't mind the scent of the Meridell Rubbish dump, endless games of Ultimate Bullseye, farming stories, and straw. I learned how to play Round Table Poker, thanks to a couple of farmers, and by the end of my stay, I was pretty good. I also picked up some top tips for growing chokato. When I finish my job for the Neopian Times, I could settle down in Meridell and start a chokato farm. In all truth, the Fleapit Motel is not a terrible place to stay... just don't stay too long if it's not your kind of hotel.
What to Bring:
Well, there are certainly a few things that I would recommend bringing to this hotel to improve your stay. Of course, this doesn't include things that you should have brought anyway, such as clothes and a toothbrush. This is a list of additional things that you should bring.
- Smug Bug Spray- To keep those pesky petpetpets at bay.
- Chokato Aroma Beads- These aren't absolutely necessary, but they can help you to cope with the scent of the Smug Bug Spray, and of course, the Meridell Rubbish Dump. I'd also advice bringing in some fresh potpourri as well.
- A large bar of soap- The Hotel only has little one-use soap bars that they restock daily in the rooms. And they aren't really big enough for one use. More like half a use.
- Shampoo and Conditioner- Not provided by the hotel.
- Laundry Soap- Unless you like the cheap soap that the hotel provides. You still have to do your own laundry.
- A Fan- The hotel doesn't have any air conditioning. A must if you are visiting in the summer.
- Something to do- This can be anything from reading material to a board game. Just something to keep you from going insane on slow days.
- Neopoints- This is good for a lot of things, from buying new food when you get tired of what the hotel serves to paying for activities like picking your own berries, this multi-use currency is a must.
Well, that's it really. The hotel has the rest. If you bring these things along, your holiday might not be the worst holiday that you have ever had. It's certainly not the worst I've ever had. I hope that you have been enlightened by this article and will continue to join me in my article adventure as I explore the different Neolodge Hotels. I'll see you all soon! This is Brent, setting down his quill.
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