Stand behind yer sheriff Circulation: 186,904,174 Issue: 325 | 11th day of Sleeping, Y10
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The Trickster


by taz_brandy

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I was a trickster growing up. Yup. You might think a cute little Xweetok like me would've been a sweet little boy. Nah, that’s no fun. I’d loosen the legs on tables so they’d collapse, I’d set a tack in the teacher’s chair, I used the classic whoopie cushion a lot.

      Yeah, but I’m a much better trickster now; I have lots more NP so I can buy better stuff. But it was making the NP I was best at.

      Every morning, I’d walk my spotted Xweetok self to the Ice Scratch Card Kiosk. With my head held high, I bought a card.

      Now, I remember that card. It was a Faerie’s Fortune. That was the card that I won the Jack Pot with. Of course, I cheated.

      I guess we’re pretty good friends now so, I’ll tell ya how I did it.

      So when I got the card, I took with me to a dimly lit corner of the ice caves, and scratched off of three spaces. A JP, a snowball, and another JP.

      I smiled and put my plan into action. First of all, I scratched off one more space, the last Jack Pot! Then, I took out some gray paint out of my dingy red coat (I found it in a trash bin!) and painted over the snowball. I then took the card to that Kiosk Wocky, and she gasps.

      “OMG! A WINNER!” she gasps and stuff, then presses this big red button in the back of the hut.

      A big balloon that hovered over my head ripped open, and millions of neopoints fell upon me. That was the least fun part of the occasion,’cause solid metal coins fallin’ on ya does not feel good.

      I did this trick for a long time; I never made myself get the jack pot except, uh, about once or twice a season. I mean, I don’t want anyone getting too suspicious. Now, I didn’t think I’d get in much trouble for gettin’ caught. I thought the punishment would be a fine, and some community service at the Kiosk.

      I was wrong.

      The day I messed up big time was a beautiful sunny day in the Ice Caves. That day I decided to win ten thousand neopoints. After doing what I usually do, I brought up the card to the hut, as soon as I handed the Wocky the card, she came out with a bag of cash. And as she was about to hand it to me, she dropped the card in the snow. She bent down and picked it up.

      She stared at the card. She stared at it for a really long time. She handed me the card back, frowning. I looked down at the card, and to my misfortune, the paint had come off one of my painted spaces.

      I looked up at her. She wasn’t there anymore. Instead, she was inside the hut on a wocky-talkie.

      “Excuse me, is this the police?” she asked, “Uh-huh, yes, faker, ten thousand.”

      I didn’t run away. I’ve seen those cop shows; I knew that if you run, you get in a bunch more trouble than when you started out with.

     * * *

      So, here I am, in a cell. Alone. I felt like one of the bad guys in Trouble At the National Neopian. I still have no idea how to play that game.

      I sat there in the cell sad for many hours, days, and nights.

      Man, if I stay here any longer, I’m gonna go as batty as Barallus, I thought to my self.

      “Wait,” I said out loud. “I know how to get out of here!” Acting like that crazy Korbat was exactly what I needed to do to get out of this tiny dark hole-like space.

      Eventually, one of the guards came by to check on the prisoners. The moment he came to my cell, I jumped on the cell bars and yelled, “SPONSOR GAMES!” The guard stared at me and started to walk on, but I wasn’t gonna let him. “TUNAAAA! TUNA SALAD!” I yelled, “DRINK ACHYFII! IT’S YUMMY!!!!” and a bunch of other dumb exclamations.

     * * *

      I woke up in the hospital wing. Turns out I fell from the cell bars and hit my head, at least I was out of that closet criminals call home. I was in the part where there were a bunch of insane people. My act must’ve been pretty good. I lay back in the hospital bed and thought to myself, How am I supposed to get out of here?

      THE WINDOW! I shouted in my head. Wait... I can’t fly!

      “Oh, Fyora,” I whispered. “How do I get out of this mess?” Then all of a sudden, a bright light shone and everything turned bright. Then everything was dark.

     * * *

      I woke up and looked up. There was a glowing sign floating in the blue-ish sky. It read: You Have Been Summoned To Faerieland By Fyora!

      Wow, how convenient can you get? I stood up and brushed myself off.

      I looked around and smiled. Faerieland was so pretty; I’ve always wanted to go there, but never got the chance. Sighing, I walked around the soft cloud ground through the city and past a giant Neovision that was playing the news on it.

      Carietta Coenid the Pink Acara was the reporter on the Neovision.

      “Today’s top story is about escaped prisoner Cal Xweeton, a spotted Xweetok wearing a red coat. He escaped from the hospital wing of the Neopia Central Jail two hours ago. He is insane; if you see him, call the police.”

      Everyone who was near the Neovision looked at me and ran away. Oh no. I quickly took off the coat and ran until I saw a sign that said: Cheap Convenient Costumes! I walked inside the store as fast as possible and bought an Edna hat and a lone black cloak. As I walked down the street people still ran away, but they thought I was Edna.

      Eventually, I made it to Fyora’s Castle. The large Faerie Grarrl guard looked at me, then he pointed his sword at me too.

      I disguised my voice to sound like Edna and said, “I’ve come to see Fyora.”

      The guard frowned and said, “You no pass!” he said in a Tyrannian accent, “Fyora no like Edna.”

      I quickly thought of a new idea! “Look!” I said, pointing to my left, “That guy's giving out paintbrushes!”

      The guard turned around and ran, “LYK OMG1!one!! PBS!!!eleven!111"

      I walked inside the castle, “N00b,” I said to myself. Then, as I walked inside the palace, I saw FYORA! I quickly walked up to her and asked, “Why did you summon me here?”

      “I thought the punishment was too harsh. At least until I found out this wasn’t the first time you cheated at Scratch Cards. Be gone,” she said to me. I wasn’t happy with that answer.

      “Please?” I asked.

      “No.” So I bowed to her, I hugged her, I kissed her shoes, but she still said, “No.” So I had to go to drastic measures! I poked her. I poked her again, and again. Then I started calling her “Bob.” So when I was poking her and calling her Bob, it sounded something like this: “Bob, um Bob. Excuse me, Bob. Bob? BOB! Bob!”

      Eventually she said, “FINE! There is a red Aisha morphing potion on my desk. Drink it! You are now to be called Calvin and if you ever poke me again I’ll turn you into a squeezy tombola guy! OKAY?!?”

      “Okay,” I said quietly.

      So I drank the potion and turned into a red Aisha and never cheated or did any tricks ever again. Well... Most of the time...

The End

 
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