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The Sacred Art of Food Fighting


by jesse12_3

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NEOSCHOOL CAFETERIA - It’s a game you can’t play in gym class. Nor is there any leagues what so ever. No, you can not start a pick-up game in the park ether. In fact, this game is so special that there is only one place where you can play it. In your Neoschool cafeteria! I am of course, talking about the sacred art of FOOD FIGHTING!

This is nothing more fun then starting a food fight right in the middle of lunch, especially on chilli day. BUT, do you know how to create a perfect food fight?

YOUR TEAM

It’s good to have a team of people who are going to start the food fight. You are of course one of them. Now you should pick at least three friends to help you. But, DO NOT pick any of these pets below to help;

1. Fashion obsessed pets who care more about their clothes then grades, fun, other people, etc. They are a big no-no!

2. Hannah: See number one on this list.

3. Jeran: He’ll think it’s a war and will probably cause serious injuries that will send people the hospital.

4. King Hagan: Food fights are one hundred percent non-educational! Education is the most important thing in Brightvale.

5. Sloth: WELL, DUH!

6. King Skarl: He will eat all your ammo!

7. If your fight involves asparagus, Adam.

Good, now that you have your team, you need to find the best ammo.

THE FOOD

Find anything gooey, slimy, sticky, wet, etc. The most time spent during your fight will be flinging gooey, slimy, sticky, wet, etc. food at others. Here’s a list of some items that are A MUST for your fight;

GOOEY, SLIMY, STICKY, WET FOODS

1. Mashed potatoes: This work great for flinging! A mashed potato in your hair isn’t pleasant.

2. Pudding: Preferably chocolate. This is a great fight starter.

3. Salsa: Nothing stains clothes better then salsa!

4. Chilli: It’s gooey; it stains, and can be mixed with other foods to make them look gross. What more could you want?

5. Nacho cheese: See number three on this list.

6. Rice: Drives everyone with long hair nuts!

7. Stew: Gross people out when they get hit with it! Nobody ever knows what’s in the cafeteria version of this.

8. Ice cream: Get hit with it, and it will give you a real brain freeze!

9. Melted butter: Can be flung alone, or with mashed potatoes or vegetables!

10. Soy sauce: Dyes everything you hit with it brown! Ketchup and mustard are good, too.

HARD FOODS

You don’t need to fling these, you just throw them!

1. Apples: Ow!

2. Peeled oranges: It burns your eyes! Not to mention every other cut that you have!

3. Pies: Cherry stains the most. THESE ARE A MUST HAVE!

4. Chicken nuggets: The ones at my school bounce. These are fun the throw, even if the effects aren’t that great.

5. Any other hard fruits.

6. CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESE

7. CI-I333333ZE!

8. See numbers six and seven.

And remember, these are just suggestions. It is always fun to try new things and mix different stuff! Also, make sure your lunch isn’t suspicious! Only take a maximum of five items, at least two of those should be gooey.

YOUR BASE

Every army needs a fort, right? Or in this case a table. Find a spot where you have a good view of everyone. DO NOT let yourself be blind sighted to any corner! Being blind sighted could cost you!

THE FIGHT

Now that you have everything you need, sit down at your table and take out ether a spork or spoon, whatever your Neopian cafeteria has. From now on your spork/spoon will be called The Flinging Device of Doom. Ready one of your gooey, slimy, sticky, wet, etc. foods onto your Flinging Device of Doom.

Now pick out a target. You do not want to fling anything at the extremely huge, muscular, football playing Grarrl table! That would be stupid, considering those guys’s fist size. Don’t fling anything at the very vain, prissy, Miss Neopia Uni table ether. More then likely, they won’t return fire, and you will not create a food fight. They will run, scream, “OMG! I LIK GOT, LIK FOOD STUFFS, LIK IN MY HAIR!!!1111ONEONE

HEEEEEELP MEEEEE!”, hit things, and will probably cause some serious damage to both students and school property. Pick out an average normal Neopet who is surrounded by a few friends, but not a giant crowd.

Scoop up a spoonful of food. Hold the handle with your left hand/paw/flipper/talon and pull back on the tip of the Flinging Device of Doom. Take aim on your target. Aim for the head or face, the target will notice it faster. Release and SPLAT! It hits, or if it doesn’t, the pet will at least have noticed a giant gob of mashed potatoes or whatever fly past him. Reload your Flinging Device of Doom, but don’t fire. Keep it in the view of the pet you just hit. He will look around for the attacker. He will see you and retaliate. Duck whatever he throws at you and scream, “FOOD FIGHT!”

The rest of the cafeteria will fling into action, firing processed food stuffs at everybody. You may get lucky and somebody’s stray glob of pudding will hit that annoying cafeteria monitor who gave you detention for stabbing your tray with a spork countless times. And if somebody in the room happens to have asparagus, we just may see Adam barge through the door and charge towards it. Or, if somebody has cheese, I may just charge through that door as well, with a bunch of Meepits behind me.

AVOIDING THE DETENTION/SUSPENSION/EXPULSION THAT YOU MAY RECEIVE FOR STARTING A FOOD FIGHT

10. Run!

9. Blame it on your friend! (Shame on you!)

8. Blame it on Adam.

7. Or another Neopets staff member. (They can’t yell at the people who created them!)

6. Throw cheese at them. Everybody likes cheese!

5. Blame it on the Weewoos!

4. What’s a food fight?

3. What’s food?

2. BLAME IT ON THE MEEPITS!

1. I should have put this at the beginning of this article. Oh well…

Well, that’s how you create the perfect food fight! *Dodges potatoes* Good luck!

 
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