Anti, Minion, or Neutral?

Yesterday as I was busy scraping sludge out of the garbage chute of Virtupets Orbital 4 these questions struck me. It was as if someone had suddenly disposed of a large heavy piece of metal. As I washed the chute's slimy walls, I reflected on the idea that some people, such as me, are better as minions, whereas others make ideal antis. Therefore there must be a way to determine who would be an excellent Sloth loyalist and who would be better off leading the Resistance.

Since Sloth has been labelled as an evil villain, his minions are usually thought to be the kind of Neopians that wear long black capes and laugh sinisterly. According to many, we minions are extremely mean and evil. Antis on the other hand are often believed to be the sort of people that think opposing the dark side is honourable. (Ridiculous!) They're labelled as the 'good guys'. Neutrals refuse to take sides and stay out of the conflict.

As I scrubbed at a particularly defensive pool of sludge I realized that I am not very evil or mean, and I haven't worn a black cape in months. So why was I a minion? The answer echoed in monotone immediately at the back of my head:

Because Sloth is great.

Of course! I continued scouring the chute. But... wait a minute... if Sloth was so great, then why was I stuck in a damp, dirty garbage chute?

Because, Azellica, you are being punished for crashing a Virtupets Cargo Shuttle into a large quantity of space junk.

Ah, right. ^_^; I glanced down the long tunnel. Where was that voice coming from anyways?

Do not ask questions. Keep working. Serve Sloth.

I gave my head a small shake and, feeling inspired, picked up my mop again. Now, the minions that I know all work at Virtupets with me. We see Sloth as being great because he has brought technology to Neopia to improve our planet. Furthermore, he plans to unite us all under his command; is that really being villainous?

Neopians should be minions if they also see Sloth as a true leader, or if they just want to support evil. Minions are the kind of people that are ready for change in Neopia, and that change just happens to be Doctor Sloth as absolute dictator of us all! If you feel that you can achieve great things as one of Sloth's followers, then minionhood is for you!

Correction: minionhood is for everyone.

Er, right. Thousands of Neopians have made the decision to become a minion of the Doctor in the past. They feel that when Sloth finally does successfully take over our planet, he will make the world a better place for all of us. Besides, he will undoubtedly reward his loyal followers for their assistance.

Not everyone supports the Great Sloth though. There are many that call him nothing more than a villain and these particular Neopians are the anti-Sloths. According to antis, Sloth destroys items, enslaves Neopets, and brainwashes his employe-

Correction: Sloth has not brainwashed you. Repeat: you have not been brainwashed. Repeat: you have not been brainwashed. Repeat: you have not-

I shook my head again. Where was that voice coming from? It seemed to be following my thoughts.

Anyways, antis believe that Sloth is the very definition of evil. They are usually opposed to all of Neopia's villains and fight for freedom, honour, and the greater good of all. (How dull is that?) Antis are the sorts of people that you'd find in the Hall of Heroes though there are exceptions. Not all antis take on a noble and heroic attitude; some are just as evil as minions. The only real difference is that they don't support Sloth.

So should you be an anti? Well, certainly if you're a bit of a do-gooder. Antis follow people like the Space Faerie and do their best to hopelessly oppose the vast and mighty power of Sloth! So, if you feel the need to grab a Virtublaster and fight for your freedom, then go ahead; join the antis!

The voice returned at that point to interrupt my thoughts:

Do not encourage opposition of Doctor Sloth! Serve Sloth. Keep working!

What was I saying?! If you feel the need to be an anti, then for Sloth's sake don't join them! Be a minion instead. And get some professional therapy. There cannot be a reason for choosing antihood as everyone should love Sloth! I glanced down the dark tunnel of the garbage disposal. Funny... that voice seemed to be inside my mind.

I concentrated on the garbage chute once again and raised my mop. There is one other group that many Neopians choose to fall into. This is to be neutral in the minion vs. anti conflict. Neutrals are... well, neutral. They neither support nor oppose Sloth. If the Great Doctor were to suddenly invade the planet with an army of meepits, these Neopians would simply step out of the way and pay no real attention to the matter. So is neutrality for you?

Well, if you really don't care whether Sloth claims world domination, or if you'd just rather not get involved in any future battles over Neopia, then yes, you should become neutral. After all, not everyone wants to fight for or against the glory of Sloth.

So hopefully these thoughts will help you choose the right path regarding Our True Master. May you conquer planets as a minion, defy villains as an anti, or... do nothing as a neutral. And really, whether you decide to be minion, anti, or neutral hardly matters as we all know that Doctor Sloth is going to conquer Neopia anyways in the end.

That is correct. Sloth will rule Neopia. You will serve him. Now please set down your mop and report to level 4-B for another mental re-adaptation session.