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99 Ways to Avoid Cleaning Up After Your Petpet

by lflm


Are you tired of cleaning up after your Petpet? Well here are some ways to avoid it:

1. Tell the Neopets Team that your Gelert ate it.

2. Tell your friends that the Pant Devil stole it!

3. Tell everybody that Vira cast an evil spell on it and it turned into a mirror.

4. It got zapped away to Jelly Wo-…oh wait, that place doesn’t exist! :P *wink wink* *nudge nudge*

5. Buy a bunch of plushies. In time, they will soak up all of the…erm…stuff…

6. Classic: Ignore it.

7. Get used to it! *sniff* *makes gross face* This may not work when it comes to Snorkles. Hehe.

8. Befriend Dr. Sloth and have him turn everything into a Pile of Sludge.

Warning: You could lose your prized Faerie Paint Brush if he goes crazy.

9. Tell queen Fyora that it’s an evil Slorg, and have her zap it away!

10. Tell your pet that it’s chocolate. You may have a vomit situation on your hands later, but then you can just tell your pet that it’s pudding!

11. Aahhh…I got nothin’.

12. Cast an evil spell on it so it becomes your mutant sidekick in EVIL!!!!

13. Have the Darkness Faerie cast an evil spell on it and have it become part of her army in EVILLLL!!!!!

14. Move to another Neohome.

15. Eat it.

16. Invent something to zap it to Earth! Then tell your Earth pet to eat it!

17. Buy some air fresheners and cover everything in plastic wrap.

18. Convince people it’s a novelty Dung Faerie!

19. Play really loud and annoying music until your Petpets leave the house and go in the yard.

20. Tell somebody that if they clean it up, they’ll get 500,000 Neopoints, then run away!

21. Plead ‘Insanity’ after being arrested for Neopet Cruelty.

22. Feed your pet a bunch of coffee. Signed – Seasearch

23. Sell them. You may miss ‘em, but you won’t miss their messes!

24. Tell your friends that every time you approach it, it growls at you.

25. Give it a mutant injection so that it actually does growl at you!

26. Make your pets into Grundo slaves and make them keep the house immaculate! MUAHAHAHAAA! Master Sloth will be pleased to hear about this…

27. What do you mean? Evil Spirits are guarding mine!

P.S. Really.


29. It’s against my beliefs as a citizen of Neopia!

30. I wouldn’t think of “cleaning up” anything natural! *does peace sign* Flower Power!

31. Tell the Tooth Faerie that it was a pet’s tooth, but the pet liked candy and Neocola a little too much…

32. Pour sterilizer on it.

33. Have Illusen bless it, so that Jhudora can’t attack you. (Or Vise Versa)

34. Learn to be comfortable with a clothespin on your nose.

35. Move to your friend’s house.

36. Invite a bunch of people to a “Cleaning Party” at your house.

37. Put it on your “To Do” list, then “never get around to it”.

38. Hire a maid. It might get a little expensive after awhile, though.

39. Move the sofa and some chairs over it, and buy some rugs to put over the dung when you run out of furniture.

40. Use Invisible Spray Paint. It exists! Donna and Adam just won’t admit it!

41. Drink more coffee. The buzz will make you so hyper that you’ll forget about it!

42. Lead your friend around the house blindfolded. Then, have him/her step on it. He/She will clean it off their feet, thereby leaving the spot somewhat cleaned.

43. Hire some kid to do it for a “rare” Packet of Gravel!

44. Pack them all into one big pile and call it “Crude Dung End Table”.

45. Sell them by calling them “Magical Dung”.

46. Have Medusa stare at it and turn it to stone.

47. Slobber on it so that you can call it a “Deformed Slorg”.

48. Buy your pet more coffee! Love- Seasearch

49. Call the police and say that it’s a villain in disguise.

50. Sell it as a figurine. “All one of a kind!”

51. Put it in a frying pan along with a couple of eggs. Viola! The first ever Dung Omelette!

52. Put it in a pretty bag and call it a gift.

53. Jab a dozen or so toothpicks in it and call it art.

54. Glue it to a magnet and stick it on your refrigerator.

55. Paint it gold and yell, “Eureka!”

56. Mix it with toe jam and put it in a jar. Then add it to your collection of the grossest things in Neopia.

57. Throw sawdust over it and say that one of your pets vomited.

58. Spray it with perfume and call it soap.

59. Put a wig on it and name it something along the lines of ‘Yvonna’.

60. Spray paint it the color of your floor.

61. Dye it purple and call it a petpet.

62. Sell it as a moisturizing face mask.

63. Light it on fire and have dungfire in the living room!

64. Paint with it. (Paint brush and other accessories not included.)

65. Put it in a cup and say it’s a gourmet Ice Blended Coffee. Love, - Seasearch

66. Teach it chess.

67. Okay, maybe you shouldn’t attempt to teach it chess, but do something with it!

68. Why would I avoid cleaning it up? My house is already sparkling clean! *boos from the crowd*

69. Wrap cellophane around it and say it’s candy.

70. Tell a Grarrl to eat it. They’ll eat anything!

71. Dry it in the sun and make your first lawn gnome!

72. Dry it and paint it grey. Then put it on your cobblestone wall.

73. Teach it how to do the can-can. Show business, baby!

74. Send it to Santa Clause as a Thank You for all of your presents.

75. Nobody said it couldn’t be mistletoe! *smooch*

76. Give it to someone at work/school that won’t get off our back about things. (Unless it’s your boss/teacher)

77. Throw it on houses on Halloween night, and then run home and say you didn’t do it.

78. Give it out as candy on Halloween…this may not work without the proper wrapping and sprinkles.

79. Kick it.

80. Uuumm…move out of a new Neohome whenever your petpet lays dung?

81. I’m running out of ideas here.

82. Somebody help.

83. Stuff with NeoCrunch until it won’t take any more. Let dry. Crumble into bowl. Tell pet it is new Choco-NeoCrunch.

84. Will stop talking like in cookbook now.

85. That’s better.

86. I’m bored now.

87. Can I take a nap?

88. *Director’s Voice* Of course not! You’re a rambling writer of a pointless article! How could we do anything without you??

89. HOLY ASPARAGUS!!! IT’S ADAM AND DONNA!!! *runs away*

90. HAHAHAAA!!! YOU FELL FOR MY TRICK!!! *Donna and Adam walk in*

91. *gasp*

92. *hyperventilate*

93. Can I have an autograph? *holds out pen and paper* *faints*

94. No, but seriously, will we ever get to meet in real life?

95. ‘Cause I want to.

96. Please?

97. Or at least be able to print out a picture of your autograph?

98. Oh, right, back to the subject.

99. Well, this is the last one anyway, so *Clown voice* see ya next time, kiiidsss!!!

Lot’s-o-help from wolfstarhowl :)

Author’s Note: Yes, wolfstarhowl did help a LOT with these excuses. Hehe. It’s 6:30 AM here. I got up at 4:00 this morning because I was thirsty. Then I couldn’t get back to sleep. Thus: the end of my article. I hope you enjoyed this article! Please Neomail me if you have any questions or comments! Thank you! :)

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