| A Yurble stole my cinnamon roll! |
Circulation: 198,346,305 |
Issue: 1063 | 14th day of Hiding, Y28 |
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 An Usukicon Essential
by precious_katuch14
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Underrated, perhaps even underutilised,
See here, a grooming item that'll help you
Evade embarrassment and humiliation.
Usukicon is here, everyone's favourite event!
Stock up on your favourite Usukis and playsets,
Undertake to catch the latest releases, but
Kindly remember to freshen up with an
Immensely important item you'll need!
Crowds of sweat and heat mount their assault,
Oh, not even Usukicon Y12 Hand Sanitizer is
Not enough to keep the germs and smell away!
Yes, put on your Usukicon attendee badge,
Every Usuki accessory you can find,
And before you put on your Usuki shirt -
Recall this important item, your best friend!
Take it when someone offers it, and use it,
Wear it with pride; we all use it too!
Everyone will appreciate and be thankful,
Let you pass by without wrinkling noses,
Vehement waving of hands, or cries of,
"Ew, what is that stench?"
Politely we implore you, this is important!
Ensure that you'll make new friends instead of
Repulsing everyone who gets close to you.
Shield yourself from perspiration, your most
Odious, inconvenient, disgusting enemy!
Now it's just sweat, but it becomes worse
As you weave and stride through the aisles,
Leaving a lingering smell behind!
Don't delay! Put your hands in the air!
Even Usukicon veterans know this trick!
On it goes liberally, to protect you from
Developing an all too noticeable aroma!
Offensive you will not be, with this item!
Respect your fellow con goers, do as we say,
And don't worry, you can pick and choose from
Numerous fragrances and scents, like Chokato!
Try it, you'll thank us, and yourself!
The item is still a mystery to you?
Obviously you haven't paid any attention.
Do take note of the first things you read,
And say them slowly, all of them - what?
You think this is just a paid advertisement?
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