King Skarl’s Big Adventure

     King Skarl slouched on his throne, staring moodily at the Yellow Lupe who stood hopefully before him. The Lupe shuffled his feet and smiled nervously. Hesitantly, he spoke.

     "What do you call a pack of Halloween Acko wanting to dress up like the Chomby and the Fungus Balls? A hidden by a big book of double-printed Candy Vampire Meepit berries." The Lupe finished his joke with a weak smile and a "ta-da" flourish.

     The King continued to stare at him. After sitting in silence for a minute, he finally replied.

     "Worst. Joke. Ever. I give it 212 out of 1000. Leave my kingdom now!"

     The Lupe blanched in fear. Bowing frantically, he backed hurriedly out of the throne room and scampered away. King Skarl paid no attention to the Lupe's hasty exit. The Royal Page Merlin Patterfoot, however, did. As he watched the door slam behind the latest failed jester, he said carefully and tactfully,

     "Your Majesty, you have found the last fifteen jokes told to you -in a row - to be 'the worst joke ever.' Has the quality of humorous material in Meridell truly degraded to such an extent?"

     The King shrugged his shoulders and tapped the tip of his sceptre on his crown. "Yes.. no.. I mean, I don't know. I find myself thinking lately, "Is this all there is?" I sit in my throne room all day, every day except for the times I am eating or sleeping. I am supremely bored." He sighed dramatically, and his Page nodded in sympathy.

     "I have an idea," the Blue Cybunny said cautiously. "Would you consider going on an excursion outside of the castle?"

     The King frowned. "That wouldn't be any fun,' he replied. "My subjects spend all their time bowing and fawning over me; I can't do anything without tripping over supplicants every time I take a step." Patterfoot nodded in understanding, then continued.

     "If you went out in your Royal vestments, of course. But what if you were to wear a disguise?"

     The King's ears perked up, and he sat up straight on the throne. Eagerly, he replied,

     "What a capital idea! I could dress up as a monk, in a brown robe with a cowl to cover my face, and a staff to walk with. You would come with me, of course. A disguise to keep myself hidden - what a grand scheme, Patterfoot, I'm so glad I thought of it!"

     Patterfoot smiled. "A grand scheme indeed, your Majesty, you are as clever as always. I will gather up suitable garments forthwith."

     Within the hour, King Skarl and Patterfoot were dressed in their agreed-upon costumes. The King was disguised as an Abbot who had "taken a vow of silence"; his speaking voice was so distinctive he was afraid his subjects would see through the ruse immediately if he opened his mouth. Patterfoot was dressed as an acolyte in training. He didn't mind the scratchy brown robe or rope belt, but the tonsure cap he was forced to wear was rather embarrassing. His ears were tied down and hidden in the back of his robe.

     "I look like a Cybunny Negg in a dress," he thought. The King, however, was delighted.

     "Let the adventure begin!" he cried.

     As the two stepped out under the castle drawbridge, the first thing the King's eyes lit upon was the Ultimate Bullseye grounds to their left. He tugged on Patterfoot's sleeve and pointed eagerly to the archery area. Patterfoot nodded and led the King toward the game. When they reach the Turtum in charge, Patterfoot said,

     "I am Merlin the Acolyte. My Master would like very much to play a game of your Bullseye."

     The Turtum smiled broadly, and handed Patterfoot - or rather, 'Merlin' - a bow and a quiver of arrows. "Take your best shot, gents! Hit the board and win a neopoint prize!"

     He stepped back and watched as 'Merlin' handed the bow to the King. Skarl loaded up an arrow, faced the target and fired confidently. The arrow flew straight - straight over the target, landing in the field behind. The King was not bothered by the errant flight, however. He loaded up his second arrow, and this one was right. Right of the target, that is. It was stuck in a nearby tree. Patterfoot watched as the King went through the entire quiver; arrows flew over, under, left and right of the target in a wild spray. Miraculously, the very last arrow hit its intended mark. The Turtum cried out, "Well done! Five points - that gets you a five neopoint prize!" Skarl held out his hand, and the Turtum dropped a five np coin into it. As they walked away, Patterfoot was afraid the King was disappointed in his performance; but once they were out of earshot of the Turtum, the King whispered gleefully to his companion, "Did you see that, Patterfoot?! I was AMAZING! That was SO much fun - what shall we do next?"

     Patterfoot glanced at the pocketwatch he had tucked in his robe. "It's almost time for the Turdle races, your Majes..err, Master. Would you like to go place a wager on the next race?"

     The King didn't speak, but the hood of his robe indicated he was nodding a vigorous "yes." They approached the betting window, and 'Merlin' turned toward 'the Abbott.' "Which Turdle would you like, Master?" A single finger appeared. 'Merlin' turned back to the betting window. He took the five Neopoints won from Ultimate Bullseye out of his money purse and pushed it under the grate. "Five Neopoints on Turdle one, please," he said. A slip with "Stinky" printed on it was pushed back to him. He and the King moved to the railing of the circular Turdle enclosure, and they watched as the race began. The King remained silent, but he jumped up and down in excitement as the five Turdles moved away from the centre of the pen. At first, it seemed as though Turdle number three was winning, but he suddenly stopped and sat down in the grass just yards from the finish. The other milled aimlessly about until one decided to head for the fence. It was number one! As Stinky hit the finish line, the King clapped his hands happily. Patterfoot took his slip to the betting window, and the clerk slid his winnings to him. "You win twenty Neopoints - congratulations." Patterfoot placed the coins into his money purse and returned to King Skarl.

     "You won twenty Neopoints, Master," he said with a smile. The King squealed in delight and rubbed his hands together gleefully. Patterfoot took his watch from his pocket and glanced at the time.

     "It's getting late, Master," he said respectfully." We are expected back at the..monastery.. shortly." The "Abbott" sighed wistfully, then waved his hands in a "Go" gesture. Patterfoot took the lead, guiding the King back to the drawbridge of the castle. As they entered, the guard on duty moved to block their way; the King removed his cowl, and the guard immediately snapped to attention, moving aside to let them pass. After the drawbridge was closed behind them, the King let forth a howl that startled Patterfoot so badly he leapt a foot into the air. His trepidation disappeared the moment the King spoke.

     "What a wonderful way to spend an afternoon!" Skarl had disappeared behind a screen to change out of his Abbot's robe. He reemerged in his Kingly garments, crown on his head and sceptre in hand. "Give me my winnings, Patterfoot." Patterfoot removed the twenty Neopints from his money purse and placed them on the King's outstretched hand. The King closed his fist lightly around the coins and shook gently; hearing the clink of the money caused him to break out in the biggest smile Merlin had seen from him in a long, long time. King Skarl had thousands of Neopoints in his counting house, Merlin mused, but these twenty were a source of more pleasure for the King than all the others put together.

     *****

     "What can you do if you're a flock of Pirate Blumaroo for a knack from Bloaty Belly? Sporting the tin of starry Branston Quadrapus pasties!"

     King Skarl laughed uproariously, tears squirting from his eyes.

     "That was a really great joke! I give it an 895 out of 1000. You must take this gift from me."

     Patterfoot passed a Royal Cheese Bread to the Green Quiggle, who had asked the joke. The Quiggle received the gift with effusive thanks and bowed his way out of the throne room.

     "The last 22 jokes have had you in hysterics, your Majesty. I'm glad to see you're feeling better."

     King Skarl smiled, absent-mindedly jingling the twenty Neopoints he held in his hand.

     "I guess the quality of humour in Meridell has vastly improved."

     The End.