Top Ten Silliest Marshmallow Items of Neopia

10. Fiery Marshmallow Hat

I'm told this hat isn't really on fire, but I can't for the life of me imagine how it would work. I must confess that I was disappointed when I discovered that the hat wasn't legitimately on fire. Can't you just imagine a Fire Kacheek wandering about Neopia with a flaming marshmallow on her head? In a pinch, she could simply reach up and pull off a bit of marshmallow to chew on. It might be less than hygienic, but who really cares?

9. Angry Marshmallows

You have to wonder what these marshmallows are angry at. Could it be the fact that I have eaten so many of their friends? Might it be that they've had to resort to a sort of marshmallow cannibalism, due to the fact that their teeth are soft and puffy? Is it possible that they are simply misunderstood marshmallows, with no way to communicate their feelings to others? Regardless, I highly doubt they would be able to cause much damage, especially when faced with my voracious appetite and sharp teeth.

8. Meepit Juice Break Marshmallow

Mwahahaha revenge for the existence of the infamous Meepit Juice Break game! And avatar. I rather enjoy going over to the game, standing in front of the thirsty Meepits, and menacingly munching on these marshmallows. Because how else will they know who's boss? Short of eating actual Meepits (that's disgusting; don't do that. Seriously), this is the best way to retaliate when you feel that you've suffered at the hands of the Meepit Juice Break game. The fear in the little petpets' eyes makes the marshmallows all the more delectable.

7. Olive Marshmallow Taco

Let me preface this by saying that I love marshmallows (in case you haven't noticed). I also love olives. And come to think of it, tacos aren't bad either. With that being said, the idea of all those ingredients together is incomprehensible! Doesn't that sound kind of repulsive? How could you ruin three perfectly delicious foods by combining them like that? I challenge anyone to devour this dish and enjoy it. But I guess it is categorized as a gross food for a reason.

6. Marshmallow Biscuit Wig

Although this wig is rather cute in theory, in execution, it can only fail. After all, how could anyone have a s'more atop one's head and resist eating it? If you put that wig on my head, the s'more would be gone in an instant! I am sorry; I honestly do not believe that anyone could have that much self-control. You'd have to be allergic to marshmallows. Or chocolate. Or biscuits. And what a travesty that would be.

5. Reject Marshmallow Grundo

Someone must have been slacking off in the marshmallow factory when this marshmallow was created! I'm not sure to explain their lack of puffiness otherwise, unless... it is possible that somehow, someone found a way to shrink down Mallow Grundos into tiny bite-sized portions. And simultaneously remove all sentience. As farfetched as it seems, that would actually explain the look of dejection on each little reject mallow's face.

But nah, that's just a silly conspiracy theory. Right? *tries not to dwell*

4. Zombie Marshmallows

Awww, the one on the right just looks so concerned and delicious! Just look at it! I have to wonder what it's thinking, and if it would be so terrible if they "turned" the remaining of the marshmallow population. These little puffs of deliciousness seem so harmless; I almost wouldn't mind if they ran rampant and attacked their fellows. That is, unless the zombie virus negatively affected their taste, of course.

3. Marshmallow Invasion

"A terrifying story of Marshmallows that came to life and tried to take—" Wait, what? Backtrack a bit? I'm sorry; I must have misheard. Did you say that this was a story about marshmallows coming to life? That is so incredibly ludicrous, but at least this is a brilliant new way to justify my obsession with eating these squishy little things! The next time somebody judges my love for marshmallows, I'll retort that I've selflessly pledged my life to the prevention of marshmallow world domination.

2. Marshmallow-launching Oboe

Now, in what world would an oboist possibly need to launch marshmallows from his/her instrument? Picture this. You have purchased tickets to see the Neopian Philharmonic at the Tyrannian Concert Hall. You have dressed up for what promises to be a wonderfully classy performance. The conductor strikes up the orchestra and you begin to hear the dulcet tones of the harp, followed by the mellifluous sound of the flute. But suddenly, out of nowhere, the oboist starts to shoot fluffy little marshmallows at his fellow musicians. For such small, soft objects, these marshmallows pack quite a punch. Thoroughly surprised, the flautist falls on his behind, dropping his flute with an abrupt clang. The trumpeter follows, knocking over the harp, which results in a magnificent domino effect. Only the oboist is left standing, as you stare dumbfounded at the stage. Then, in the blink of an eye, a marshmallow is launched directly at your face.

Now, I don't believe there actually is an oboist in the Neopian Philharmonic, but this could happen. Additionally, I don't play the oboe, so I'm not an expert, but I suspect that inserting marshmallows into one's instrument is not exactly conventional. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

1. Marshmallow Shooter

If you're concerned about ruining your oboe, yet still wish to launch marshmallows at unsuspecting passerby, you should consider the wonderful Marshmallow Shooter! Unlike the Marshmallow-launching Oboe, I am quite a fan of this item. One of my favorite pastimes is sitting on the windowsill in my Neohome and launching perfectly toasted marshmallows at pedestrians. It may seem silly and immature... and that's because it is! It's a great way to bond with your Neopets and simultaneously alienate your neighbors—at least the ones who can't take a joke. Not to mention the fact that you can snack on your ammunition whenever the mood strikes you.

I hope you enjoyed my guide to Neopia's silliest marshmallows! And marshmallow-related items. Please let me know if you've attained a greater appreciation for marshmallows, or alternatively, if my rambling about marshmallows has ruined them for you forever. Or if you think I've said marshmallow so many times in last paragraph that it no longer sounds like a word. Marshmallow.