Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 175,011,522 Issue: 375 | 16th day of Sleeping, Y11
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Slushie Snag

by theschizophrenicpunk


Thanks to Coarse and Tintilla for letting me use your personalities for my characters!

“We must find the water!”

     Tintilla, Coarse, and Ember walked to the front door of the slushie shop. Ember was talking to Coarse while Tintilla yelled random nonsense.

     “Slobber-slobber, lick-lick!” Tintilla said with a little hop as the three entered the shop with smiles across their faces.

     Tintilla was a Darigan Gelert, and a bit of a freak. Her human owner Coarse had a very similar personality as Tintilla. Ember was just an unlucky human girl who happened to become friends with the duo of deadly denizens, and it was her job to care for them and make sure they didn’t blow up another house.

     The shopkeeper watched with concern as Ember entered with her two friends, holding their hair in her fists so that they couldn’t escape.

     It was late one fine Tuesday afternoon. Ember had decided to take Tintilla and Coarse to get slushies as an early celebration of the Day of Giving, since she knew of her friends’ love of sweets. Luckily for them, the shop was completely empty. Nobody was there but the shopkeeper.

     Ember walked up to the counter and let go of Coarse and Tintilla’s hair.

     “You go find a table,” Ember said to Coarse, pointing to the rows of tables that lay against the back wall.

     Coarse smiled and looked at her nose yelling “M’kay!”

     Coarse then merrily skipped off with Tintilla. Ember watched as the two weaved through the tables chasing after each other.

     “So, what’ll you have?” the shopkeeper asked as he watched Tintilla crash over a chair and land on the floor.

     Ember giggled and looked up at the list of slushies they offered.

     “Um, I’ll take... one of everything!” Ember said at last with a firm nod.

     “Everything? Are you sure?” the shopkeeper asked with a greedy smile.

     Ember nodded.

     “Okay!” the shopkeeper said with a little bow. “That’ll be no less than ninety-five thou—”


     Ember spun around and looked behind her. Tintilla had somehow flown into a table and knocked it over.

     “WE HAVE FOUND THE WATER!” Coarse yelled as she exited the kitchen with a pot on her head.

     “How did she get into the kitchen so fast?” Ember muttered to herself, placing one hundred thousand neopoints onto the counter. “Keep the change,” she told she shopkeeper as she ran towards Tintilla.

     The shopkeeper put the money in the register and walked into the kitchen.

     “You idiot!” Ember yelled to Tintilla.

     Coarse picked up a spoon from off a table and began to hit the pot on her head with it, yelling “Polar food! Polar food!”

     Ember took the pot off Coarse's head, smacked Tintilla across the face with it, then placed it back onto Coarse's head.

     Coarse giggled at the small Gelert’s pain as Tintilla got up, moaning.

     “Fix this table now,” Ember said, jabbing Tintilla in the side with her finger.

     Tintilla got up and did as Ember commanded.


     “Kshhhhh! Copilot to Copilot! Kshhhhh! Come in Copilot. Over”

     Tintilla sat underneath a table while Ember lay stretched across three chairs which she had formed into a bench. Coarse was sitting at the next table over.

     “Kshhhhh This is Copilot speaking. Kshhhhh What is your major malfunction, Copilot? Kshhhhh Over.”

     “Oh, will you guys please shut up? And get back over here, Coarse!” Ember yelled, sitting upright and flailing her arms.

     Coarse looked over the chair she was hiding behind and moaned. She got up and walked back to Ember’s table while Tintilla crawled up from under the chair.

     “And now at last, here is your order, ma’am.”

     Ember looked up. There before her were nearly a hundred different slushies.

     Ember’s eyes widened as she admired all of the icy delicacies that lay before her. There were green ones, blue ones, red ones, multi-colored ones, spotted ones, striped ones, glowing ones, shaking ones, big ones, small ones, and even ones that were indescribable.

     “Wow!” Tintilla said as she licked the tabletop.

     “Uh, I think we’re gonna have leftovers...” Coarse muttered under her breath.


     Coarse eyed her competition with a sneer as she reached for her first slushie.

     Tintilla held a large strawberry slushie between her paws and eyed Coarse with fright.

     Ember watched with disgust as a drop of drool fell from Coarse's mouth and onto the table.

     “Ready?” Ember muttered.

     The other two nodded.

     “Okay then,” Ember said with an evil smile. “Three... two... one...”

     “Just say it already!” Tintilla yelled.


     The three friends began to gulp down the slushies as fast as they could.

     One after another the empty plastic cups hit the ground as slushie after slushie were devoured in this game to see who could go the longest without getting a dreaded brain freeze.

     The table was soon covered with small puddles of slobber and slushie as the three gulped them down, never once ceasing.

     Suddenly, Tintilla and Coarse both grabbed their heads yelling “Ow, ow, OW!”

     Ember thrust her hands into the air. “I am da supreme winna!” she yelled with a smile, licking the last drops of her slushie off her lips.

     “No, Gnemma! That’s not fair! You don’t get brain freezes!” Coarse moaned.

     “Exactly, and that’s why I am da supreme winna,” Ember said with a snort, picking up another slushie to drink.

     The door to the kitchen opened as the shopkeeper exited, fiddling with the store keys.

     “I’m going out for lunch,” the shopkeeper said as he walked towards the door.

     “Coarse likes bananas!” Coarse yelled, her right eye twitching.

     The shopkeeper paused and looked at Ember.

     “I can trust you three to watch the store while I’m gone, right?” he asked Ember with concern.

     “Hi!” Tintilla yelled.

     “Oh, totally. I’ll make sure they don’t get into any trouble,” Ember said, pointing to Coarse, who was now licking her knee.

     “Eww! My knee tastes bad!” Coarse yelled with disgust.

     Ember cringed. “I’ll take good care of them and the store.” She said this with assurance.

     The shopkeeper shrugged and left with a sigh.


     Tintilla screamed. “I see neopox on your head!” she yelled, pointing to Coarse.

     Coarse yelled and leapt out of her seat. She then began to run around the store madly, soon followed by Tintilla.

     “Oh great Fyora...” Ember muttered. “The sugar is taking its effect.”

     “We have found the water!” Coarse yelled as she ran into the kitchen.

     “No! Coarse! Get out of there!” Ember yelled, standing up.

     Tintilla screamed and chased after Coarse.

     Ember slapped her forehead and tried to think of what to do. I think it’ll be fine if we just leave. Nothing will happen to the shop, she thought.


     “I SEE SPOTS!”

     Ember looked towards the kitchen, hoping the two hadn’t caused any great trouble.

     “Let’s go!” Ember yelled.


     “I SAID LET’S GO!” Ember repeated.

     “Die burn!” Coarse yelled as she and Tintilla exited the kitchen; Coarse had another pot on her head.

     Ember giggled. “C’mon,” she said as she pulled the handle to the door.


     Nothing happened.

     “Oh great Fyora,” Ember cursed and pulled at the door handle again.


     Nothing happened.

     “What the?!”

     Cuh-click! Cuh-click, cuh-click!

     Ember repeatedly pulled at the handle, but the door wouldn’t open.

     “Coarse likes bananas?” Coarse muttered.

     “Oh no! This can’t be happening!” Ember yelled as she pulled at the door handle vigorously.

     Tintilla bolted back into the kitchen.

     “AH! WE’RE LOCKED IN!” Ember yelled.

     “Cooooooooaaaaaarrrrrssssse!” Coarse yelled from behind Ember.

     Ember looked at Coarse with her ‘why-me?’ look on her face. “I’m locked in with Coarse and Tintilla...” she muttered.

     Coarse licked her lips. “Poof!” she said with a smile as she bolted after Tintilla into the kitchen.


      Ember cautiously walked into the kitchen, dreading what destruction might lay within.

     Nothing seemed amiss.

     Ember knew Tintilla and Coarse had gone into this room, but where did they go?

     Suddenly, Ember heard a sound from behind her.

     “Kshhhhh! Copilot to Copilot, kshhhhh! Target-enemy is in sight! Kshhhhh! Over!”

     Ember gasped. “Oh, you better not pounce on me, dude!” she yelled while turning around, only to find Tintilla hiding behind a box.

     “Ah! Kshhhhh! Copilot! Kshhhhh! I’ve been spotted!”

     Ember screamed as a battle cry came from behind her.

     She spun around quickly. Coarse was behind her, standing on the counter with a bowl on her head and holding a wooden spoon.

     Ember rolled her eyes.

     Coarse screamed and leapt off the table, aiming to hit Ember.

     Ember took a small step to her right and dodged Coarse's attack. Coarse unfortunately ended up careening into Tintilla and the empty box she was hiding behind.

     “You guys need to come out of here,” Ember said with a smile that was hard to define.

     Coarse stood up and hit her head with the spoon. She didn’t know the bowl wasn’t there anymore.

     “Coarse will go,” Coarse said, rubbing her now throbbing head.

     “You, too, Tintilla,” Ember said.

     Tintilla stood up, holding something in her mouth. She spat it out and looked at the small object.

     “What’s this?” Tintilla said, cocking an eyebrow.

     Ember stared at the small object, then screamed.

     “Oh great Fyora! Is that a bomb?!”

     Tintilla smiled and pushed a red button on the outside of the shining black object. The numbers 10:00 appeared on the outside of its shell and slowly began to count down and beep; 9:59, 9:58, 9:57...

     “No! Tintilla! Gimme that!” Ember yelled, thrusting herself at the small Gelert.

     Tintilla placed the small bomb back into her mouth and flew into the air, just barely avoiding Ember.

     “We have found the water!” Coarse yelled while chasing Tintilla out of the kitchen.

     Ember screamed and ran after the two of them.


     7:59, 7:58, 7:57...

     Ember slowly walked into the room where she knew Coarse and Tintilla had entered.

     Clenching a mop in her hands, Ember listened as carefully as she could for the sound of the beeping bomb.

     “Kshhhhh! Copilot! Kshhhhh! Enemy ship entering battlegrounds; over!”

     Ember screamed and smacked the source of the sound with the mop.

     Tintilla came tumbling out of the cupboard which she hid in, along with the bomb she was now clenching with her tail.

     Ember screamed again and repeatedly hit the Gelert with the mop, trying to knock the bomb out of her grasp.

     Tintilla squealed and bit the mop in two with a smile.

     Ember lunged herself at the small Gelert, but to no avail. Tintilla flew out of the room, still holding the bomb.

     Ember moaned and threw the broken mop after Tintilla as a voice sounded from behind her.

     “Error! Error! Kshhhhh! Copilot! Kshhhhh! I’m going down! Kshhhhh!” Coarse yelled as she leapt out from behind Ember and ran after Tintilla.


     4:26, 4:25, 4:24...

     “Dude. Tintilla. This isn’t funny. Come out!” Ember yelled as she searched the shop for any sign of Coarse, Tintilla, or the bomb.

     Ember ran down the long line of tables. “What kind of psycho keeps a bomb in his store anyway?” she mused.

     Then, a ray of hope.

     Beep... beep... beep...

     The sound echoed in Ember’s ears.

     Beep... beep... beep...

     It was coming from behind what looked like a closet door.

     Ember smiled evilly and tiptoed her way to the door.

     “Agh! You stupid! Get your tail out of my face!” came a voice from behind the door.

     Beep... beep... beep...

     Ember thrust the closet door open. Immediately Coarse fell out and landed on the ground in a heap. Tintilla however, flew out with ease, still holding the bomb.

     “Agh! No, Tintilla, get back here!” Ember yelled chasing the Darigan Gelert out into the main room.

     “Eew! Bananas are gross!” Coarse yelled as she lay on the ground.


     1:49, 1:48, 1:47...

     “TINTILLA, YOU STUPID MORON!” Ember yelled into the room as she entered, hoping it wasn’t too late.

     Ember snorted and stood perfectly still, hoping that by being quiet, she would be able to hear the beeping.


     Beep... beep... beep...

     Ember was relieved. The sound was coming from behind the counter.

     Ember looked behind the counter quickly and caught a glimpse of Tintilla’s long black tail hanging out of an open box.

     As quietly as she could, Ember walked over to where the sound was coming from. Tintilla was inside, reading the sticker on the interior of the box.

     “Maaaadeeee iiiiin All-taaaaah-doooooor...”

     “A-ha!” Ember yelled as she grabbed Tintilla. The tiny Gelert just squealed.

     “Where’s the bomb?!” Ember yelled angrily.

     Tintilla looked into the box.

     Beep... beep... beep...

     Ember gasped and grabbed the small black object.

     “Coarse is an ARTIST!” came a voice from the counter.

     Coarse stood on the countertop with a pot on her head and a wooden spoon in her hand.

     Ember looked at the time on the bomb: 10, 9, 8...

     Ember screamed and leaped up at Coarse. The two fell to the ground screaming.

     Ember pulled the pot off of Coarse's head and threw it at the window. All the little pieces came raining down to the ground and shattered.

     Ember screamed and threw the bomb out the window, sending it flying to the ground outside.

     3, 2, 1...

     Ember braced herself and waited for the explosion.



     And the outside world erupted into anarchy.

     Ember looked around the room. People from outside screamed, but amazingly, the slushie shop was unscathed.

     “Coarse likes bananas!” Coarse yelled as she hit herself in the head with the spoon again.

     Ember looked out the window with concern. Luckily, there were no other shops or houses near enough to be harmed by the seemingly small explosion

     “Kshhhhh! Copilot! Kshhhhh! Mission accomplished, over. Kshhhhh!” Coarse yelled as she grabbed the pot out of Ember’s hands, placed it back onto her head and began to hit her head with the spoon again.


     “Wow! Did you hear that explosion not too long ago?”

     “Loo!” Tintilla yelled as she stared at the door to the shop.

     The shopkeeper entered with a smile across his face.

     “Hi!” Tintilla said with a smile.

     “Oh, Ember! Thank you for watching the store while I was out,” the shopkeeper said, shaking Ember’s hand with gratitude.

     Coarse stood up and tried to lick her nose.

     “I see that you managed to not cause any trouble whatsoever,” the shopkeeper said while looking at Coarse. “But um... what happened to my mop? And... the window?”

     Ember stared at Coarse and sighed. “Oh, if only you knew,” she muttered.

     Coarse eyed the shopkeeper as if he might taste good. “I like bananas!” she yelled with a smile.

The End

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