Ten Things You Should NEVER Say In Neopia

Okay, perhaps I’m being a wee bit dramatic here. But we've all been there before, right? Said something and then thought "Oh no, I really shouldn't have said that..." I bring you today a list of the Top 10 foolish, reckless, and downright crazy statements that you DON'T want to utter in Neopia. Feel free to take notes as needed; just don’t ask your questions too loudly!

10. It'll only be in my inventory a minute... what could go wrong?

Right... what could go wrong? After all, it's not like the Pant Devil and the Pink Grundo Leader lurk in the shadows, just waiting for Neopians to mention something along these lines so they can dart out and run off with your Royal Paint Brush, cackling merrily all the way to Neovia (Rumor has it that they have a secret base of operations there. Whoops! Wasn't supposed to mention that. Umm... I guess that's statement 9.5 you're not supposed to say: NEVER give away the secret headquarters location! Anyhow, moving on...). Why, I think Sloth himself has programmed a voice recognition code into his Sludge Zap-o-matic 3000! It constantly scans Neopia, and whenever it hears "just in my inventory for a moment..." it strikes! BOOM! That lovely morphing potion has been transformed into a wonderful pile of sludge. Congratulations - that's why we NEVER say something this foolish in Neopia!

9. Can you show me the way to Jelly World?

Oh dear, not you too? You really think that place exists? Why, you obviously haven't been paying attention. The News and the Editorial try their best to dispel that silly rumor about a land made completely out of jelly, but a few people just don’t seem to get it. Some actually claim to have visited the place! Can you believe that? Personally, I think they've just spent too much time outdoors in the Lost Desert. Wander in the sun for too long, eat a few rotten Puntec Fruits, and pretty soon some deluded Neopian claims a world of jelly exists! What will they come up with next, giant Petpetpets roving on an undiscovered island? Right… moving on!

8. That Fountain Faerie wants something that costs 20,000 NP! I'm rejecting that quest!

STOP!!! *runs around, waving hands in the air* Oh, right... just an example. *deep breaths* Whew, imagine if that had been real! The horrors! Surely you know about the Fountain Faerie, right? That puzzled look on your face can't mean... does it? *sighs* The Fountain Faerie is ONLY the best faerie in Neopia! *cowers as Fyora appears* Errr, I meant... the SECOND best faerie in Neopia, as no one outshines Fyora! *watches Fyora disappear* Whew, again! Anyway... the Fountain Faerie will paint your Neopet nearly any color you wish if you find the item she asks for. Her visits are extremely rare and highly prized by Neopians everywhere. Which would you rather do: spend 20,000 NP for the item she wants, or several million Neopoints for that Pirate Paint Brush? *nods* I thought so!

7. Coltzan gave me this "Kings Lens" thing, but I'm sure it's not worth much. I'll just donate it.

Right… now class, repeat after me: "I will never... donate ANYTHING... without first checking... the price on the Shop Wizard." That JubJub isn't just standing there to look cute, remember. His job is to give you the prices of items. All it takes is a minute (perhaps two if you type the item in wrong) and he will scour Neopia from Shenkuu to the Space Station to find you a list of prices. You never know what might turn out to be valuable. Granted, those rotten shoes from Underwater Fishing may not be worth much... but that Kings Lens you were going to hand over to the Money Tree retails for a hefty 60 million! Oh dear... looks like someone's fainted again. Better swing by the Neopian Hospital before we continue our journey.

6. Usukicon? Ehh, sounds boring...

*watches the hordes of Usuki fans pouring forth with Attack Forks* Oh dear, now you've done it! Don't you know that Usukis are utterly adorable? *squishes a Ladybird Usuki* And how well made they are? *examines the Shiver Me Timbers Usuki* Why, that tiny eyepatch was expertly designed just to fit his itty bitty head. And such soft fur! Anyhow, back to the basics: Usukicon is our annual celebration of all things Usuki, and not to be missed! Learn to develop an appreciation for Usukis and Usuki-related items… or those Attack Forks may get a bit too close for comfort! Are we clear? *huggles the Usukis protectively* Oh, good! In that case... onward!

5. I just stocked up on pencils and pens! My pets are ready for Neoschool!

My goodness, you are behind the times! Haven’t you been paying attention? If you have your Poogle and Yurble sitting outside with their pencil cases and notebooks, waiting for the Neobus, then they might have a rather long wait. Neoschool hasn’t opened yet! New school items are steadily released into Neopia, but the school itself isn’t quite ready. Hmm, what’s that? Oh, WHY, you ask? Well, that’s simple! It’s because… errr, well, you see… what I mean is… oh drat, out of time! On to number 4!

4. I don't have time to read the News/Editorial. How important could it be, really?

Fine, if you want to be hopelessly behind the times, out of touch with Neopian events, removed from the very fabric of our society, and totally dependent on others to fill you in on happenings… be my guest! Just don’t come whining to me when you miss the start of the next plot. Oh, I see THAT caught your attention. See, this is precisely why staying up to date with the News and Editorial is so vital. Skip reading the News for a week and you could miss all kinds of important facts, events, and announcements. Those who don’t read the Editorial are frequently behind on clarified rules and decisions, which can lead to problems. If you hadn’t read the Editorial to find out that Neopet trading was legal, for example, and thus spent a day or two reporting people for trying to trade Neopets, you could end up with several warnings yourself… or worse! Besides that, it can just make you look silly. You wouldn’t want to be telling your Neofriend how you never knew Snowickles could be painted Christmas and that this MUST be a newly-released color, only to have your Neofriend tell you that color had been available since December of Year 7, would you?

3. What's Yooyuball?

*sighs* Please go re-read number 4… then go read the News…

Now then, are we ready? Oh good! Well, I’m afraid that, if you are asking this question, then you are also probably a bit too late to sign up with a team for the Altador Cup. See, this is why we read the news! If you had been paying attention, you would have seen several notes about the start of the third annual Altador Cup. It features Darigan Citadel, the defending champions, struggling to hold their title. Krawk Island and Roo Island, battling bravely to overthrow the Citadel. Plucky little Shenkuu, behind early but trying valiantly to regain lost ground. Then there’s poor Faerieland, struggling to gain a single win. Cup fever has gripped Neopia… and yet here you sit, completely oblivious! Just try to follow the matches from here on, alright? Or at least stay out of sight when Roo Island takes on the Citadel again!

2. Oh, what a cute little Meepit!

Wait, I wouldn’t do that if I were you! Don’t hold out your hand… DON’T PET THE MEEPIT! *winces* Well, you’re lucky you only lost one finger! Meepits don’t like to be thought of as “cute” or “cuddly,” or anything along those lines. Also… shhh, come over here! *looks around nervously* See, Meepits are actually cunning, evil creatures plotting the domination of Neopia. They pretend to be sweet and innocent, but behind that little pink exterior lurks a calculating foe just waiting for a chance to strike. Slowly but surely they are spreading throughout Neopia, coordinating their movements so that when they do act… Neopia will be totally within their grip. And they’re always watching… always…

1. Dr. Sloth? I'm not afraid of him!

*watches the Sludge Zap-o-matic 3000 do its work*

Well, I guess that explains that. Never take Sloth’s name in vain, or challenge his complete and utter domination in any way. Or, at the very least, make sure you’ve got a large pack of Meepits on your side if you do.

This concludes our list of the top ten things you should never say in Neopia. Saying some of these things could get you laughed at, or thought dreadfully out of touch. Others could cause some light rioting in the streets or result in the loss of a very expensive item. A very few could even result in some dreadful harm coming to you or your Neopets. Be careful what you say, for you never know who could be watching…

Meep!