Random Event Faerie: Fact or Fiction?

I had just deposited ten thousand neopoints in the bank. As soon as I left, the Tax Beast demanded I turn over ten percent of my neopoints. It was all so neat, so arranged. Too close for comfort. How did I know it was truly random?

This was a time I find myself speculating about those so-called “random events”. Who thought them up? Why do they exist? And how come I can’t get a paintbrush? After doing research (reading some guy's post on the neoboards), I have come to a controversial and ground breaking conclusion: There is a Random Event Faerie!

No! Really! It makes sense! We have a Snow Faerie, a Negg Faerie, and quest faeries! Why can’t we have a Random Event Faerie? Sure, TNT says it’s just random. But they’re the people who promised us Neoschools! But I’ve decided to prove the Random Event Faerie exists! It can’t be that hard.

Lots of random events have faeries in them. Faerie quest, snow faerie, Illusen, Jhudora, etc, etc. It seems to me the Random Event Faerie is favoring her faerie sisters (or cousins, or mothers, or great aunts). I decided the best place to dig up some (cloud) dirt was in Faerieland. Besides, I’d already played Turmac Roll three times. What more was there to do?

Faerieland was easy to find. You just look for the big, floating, white clouds. If you go to the place with the floating BLACK clouds, you will spend the rest of your life playing Cellblock, only you won’t win ANYTHING! That happened to me once. Thankfully, Master Vex passed out and I snagged his keys.

Me and Astpyr decided to go ask Queen Fyora for help with this question. It took a while to find the Hidden Tower. Who knew it was invisible? We ended up literally bumping into it, much to the enjoyment of nearby pedestrians. Our interview went something like this.

Qazx301: Please, please, please can I have that?

Queen Fyora: Do you have any money?

Qazx301: No.

Queen Fyora: Then no!

Qazx301: Is there a Random Event Faerie?

Queen Fyora: Nope.

Qazx301: If there was one, what would her name be?

Queen Fyora: There isn’t one!

Qazx301: So you do agree she exists!

Queen Fyora: *throws Astpyr and me out of Hidden Tower*

Now, at times like that, you’re glad those clouds are so bouncy.

Something has happened!

A ghost steals 88 neopoints off you and puts them on the Money Tree!

“Ha ha, Random Event Faerie!” I laughed while lying there on my back. “Very funny! HA HA HA.” A passing owner grabbed her Mutant Skeith and ran away. They fell through the clouds. Astpyr probably scared them with her sharp claws.

Seeing as Astpyr’s hit points were low, I decided to go and ask the water faerie. She’s a nice faerie, giving out free stuff instead of throwing you out of towers, right? Wrong. When I asked her about the Random Event Faerie, after standing in line forever, she screamed, “Not another conspiracy theorist! AHHHH!” and threw me off her CLOUD! Who knew?

Thankfully, we landed on another cloud. Unthankfully, it was Jhudora’s cloud. How did I know? The big sign that says “You are on Jhudora’s cloud. Have a nice day!”. There weren’t many other clues, seeing as the cloud was filled with happy music and prancing Angelpi. Astpyr and I searched for Jhudora, and found her trapped in a ring of dancing meepits.

She frowned, vaporizing a meepit with one overlong, purple, fingernail, when I asked if I could interview her. I took it as a yes.

Qazx301: What happened to your cloud? It looks like a happy bomb struck here!

Jhudora: Just another random event. No quests today.

That was good news. I’m an Illusen fan. No sense in telling her. I didn’t was to end up like that meepit!

Qazx301: Is there a Random Event Faerie?

Jhudora: WHAT! That’s the... actually, there is !(snickers) She’s rooming with me! I’ll just go in and tell her you want to talk to her! I might take a while. She’s really shy, so you might have to wait for hours! But don’t worry, I’ll bring her around.

Qazx301: Sure! Thanks!

Jhudora: Sucker!

Qazx301:What’s that you said?

Jhudora: Nothing, nothing. Just a small sneeze. I’m afraid it’s D’achoo season. Stay out here!

She got up and walked quickly into the ominous purple hut behind her. Needless to say, I forgot what she told me and followed her. Astpyr remained sitting outside. Scaredy Aisha! As I ducked under a mantle of poison green clouds, I saw a faerie (who looked just like Jhudora) heading out the back door. That must be the Random Event Faerie, I decided.

Qazx301: Hey! Stop! Are you the Random Event Faerie?

Random Event Faerie: What? Oh, yes I’m the Random Event Faerie! (high pitched giggle) What do you want?

Qazx301: Can I interview you? Pleasepleaseplease!!

Random Event Faerie: Sure! Why not? (evil grin)

Qazx301: Thank you very, very very-

Random Event Faerie: GET ON WITH IT!!!

Qazx301: Sorry. Okay, first question. What’s it like being the Random Event Faerie?

Random Event Faerie: Just great! I love my job! Giving out events is fun! It makes me sooo happy! :)

Qazx301: Wow! That’s really happy! Next question: How do you decide who to give events to?

Random Event Faerie: I give the really great ones to Jhudora questers! They get all the paint brushes and neggs. Illusen questers get the shadow usul and ghosts. Gooo Jhudora!

Qazx301: Wait a second. You’re hiding something.

Random Event Faerie: No! What would make you say something like that?

Qazx301: You look just like Jhudora, you’re acting nice and peppy - TOO nice and peppy. It could only mean one thing!

Random Event Faerie: It took you THIS long to guess?

Qazx301: You’re Jhudora’s good twin!

Random Event Faerie: Wait - WHAT! I’m not good!

Qazx301: That’s just denial. Your parents always liked Jhudora best , because you were the good twin! You decided to give out evil events to prove yourself, but your good heart prevailed, and you gave out good events. Oh! What a tragic story! *hugs Random Event Faerie* It’s okay, just let it all out!

Random Event Faerie: That’s it.

Something has happened!

Jhudora throws you off her cloud. You fall screaming thousands of feet till you hit the ocean. Lucky for you, your pet pulls you to shore. Unluckily, she has really sharp claws. It takes you weeks to heal.

Now that I think about it, that one might not have been so random after all.