A Manual to Beaching…and Beaching…and Beaching!
by blubblub317
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BEACH - Summer is unfortunately is whizzing by for us Neopians, and the blazing
sun continues to release its radiating heat upon the world of Neopia. During this
time, many Neopians nestle themselves into their homes, attempting to cool off
of their boiling bodies. But unfortunately, countless of them only accomplish
the feat of drowning themselves in their own sweat. Luckily, there's a wonderful
way to for you to cool off and have fun at the same time! It's called: "Going
to the beach". Come on, repeat after me: "Going to the beach". [smiles stupidly]
Or, you can call it the way I like to call it: "Going Beaching"! It's a smart
and efficient way for you and your family to hang out, relax, have fun, and stay
cool! But if you're not too educated (or just plain stupid) on how to plan your
exciting trip to the beach, why not read my guide for some great tips on what
to bring, what locations will suit you the best, and much, much more! So what
are we waiting for? Oh yeah, we're waiting for that guy who needed to go to the
bathroom…[waits]
Blubbeh: Dum de dum dum…
Guy: Back!
Blubbeh: Great! Now, what are we wa-
Guy: Wait, I need to go get my Meepit!
Blubbeh: …this is a cruel joke, right?...
Blubbeh's Supper-Doopy Useless Not-So ineffective Checklist
Swimming Suit: The first thing that you NEED to bring to the beach
is obviously a swimming suit! No one wants to be swimming around in the…[cringes]
nude? YOU DO?! Oh, get out of here, you sick little fella'! Only the
normal people can stay! [everyone suddenly leaves]…Fine, the maniacs can stay.
Fashion Tip 101: Make sure you wear a swim suit that has 'I'm an idiotic idiot!'
imprinted all over it! Trust me, you'll look sooooo cool!
Towel: Unless you're planning on lying in the sand like a zombie of
some sort [nudges the lazy people], you might want to bring a thick and snug
towel so that you can dry yourself when you're drenched in that icky-tasting
water. Oh, and just to fill up some space, I'll add this piece of junk (it's
what I promised you): you can also wrap your pets in your towels like a taco
so that they won't whine and complain! Mmmm, tacos…
Another Useless Fashion Tip 101: Before heading off to the beach, dunk your
towel(s) in an enormous bucket of DUNG! It'll feel so good against your skin
when you'll use it to dry off. Heh, you really don't even need to use it to
dry off now! You can simply eat the dung!
Sand Shovel and Bucket: Clearly, you're going to need one of these
babies to go play in the old and harmfully deadly sand (don't ask)! I see unique
talents hidden in you, so I bet that you could make a beautiful and grand sand
castle that would win all of the…sand castle competitions! Okay, I'm lying.
I bet your sand castle would look worse then a plain, old pile of rancid dung!
MWUHAHAHAHA!
Yet Another Stupid Fashion Tip 101: Orange polka-dots. That's all I'm going
to say.
Parasol: I'm sure that you don't want to be burned up to the point
where you look like a pickle…or tomato. Whatever, so of course, bringing a parasol
is a must-must-must-must-must-must! Make sure that you get one that's very wide
so that it covers up your entire face and body. I bet you don't want people
to see that horrifying figure--I mean have a scorching sunburn on your body!
Finding That Horrendous Beach of Your Dreams!
So, we're done with the checklist, and I bet you've packed up everything that
you need to have during your beaching experience! No?! [grumbles] Fine, just
keep reading….
Mystery Island: Anyone can plainly say that Mystery Island is home
to the most exotic and beautiful beach that you can find. Its water is just
the right temperature, and perfect-sized waves flow across it. But don't mind
the freakishly insane screams that come from the jungle. You're just imaging
things, like the rest of the population of Mystery Island.
Kiko Lake: What?! You don't even know what Kiko Lake is? Okay, I'll
admit it, it's really unknown. Make that really, really unknown!
But the lake is really a splendid one for it's extremely peaceful (you might
even be the only one there) and it's quite cool. Who knows? You might even meet
some new and interesting creatures…
Maraqua: …or the Ruins Of Maraqua for all you party-poopers out there!
Okay, so maybe it's not the nicest water-place-thingymajib out there,
but it is…unique…and has shards of glass that can pierce your feet.
Okay, let's just move along. This place is freaking me out…
Neopia Central: WHEE! The Rainbow Pool is so much fun! Not only do
you get to cool off, but you get to be painted numerous colors and be escorted
away by mean, ugly Grarrls!
…now that I think about it, that doesn't sound too fun…
Terror Mountain: Yeah, yeah, yadee-yeah, I know, I know, there isn't
exactly a beach in Terror Mountain! But with my wits, charm, and undeniable
rugged good looks, there'll be one in no time! Simply add an axe to your checklist
and head off to Terror Mountain. When you get there, smash all the ice open
and start beaching!
Oh, and don't be surprised if you're charged for destroying a world by the
Defenders of Neopia and the worst photos of yourself are in the Neopian Times
the next day…
The Haunted Woods: What? I've always thought of the Brain Tree as a
beach…
Virtupets Space Station: Perhaps one of the most interesting beaches
out there, the Virtupets Space Station is home to the ultimate invisible beach
(MWUHAHAHA, I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW)! There's absolutely no gravity, so you'll
be floating in space within the stars!
Fine, fine, I was lying, there is no beach! But if you didn't realize that
two seconds after I started this useless paragraph, then I'd have to say that
you're quite unintelligent. [smiles innocently]
Krawk Island: Arr matey, this island be the place wur the bestest water
is! 'Tis crystal-clear, and the sun is always blistering with heat! Wait, that's
exactly what we don't want….
Anyway, 'tis still very fun, arr!
Okay, I'm really lame with that stupid pirate accent. Overall, Krawk Island
has a pretty spiffy beach, but always be on the lookout for those human-eating
Pawkeets…
Seriously, I'm not kidding, watch out for fanatical creatures…
Beaching: Mission Accomplished
Alas, our little excursion has finally come to a dramatic end =begins weeping
hysterically=. I hope you've all had a wild blast during this trip (NOT), and
that your knowledge on the fabulous activity of beaching has now been fueled
up (NOT)! Yet again, this has been another fun and informative article from
the one and only Blubbeh.
….NOT!
A/N: Whee! I really hope you all enjoy reading this useless piece of junk and
that you hated reading it as much as I hated writing it (just kidding). Any Neomail
is very, very, very, very…
=5 years pass=
…very, very, very appreciated. BYE-BYE! :D
