Battle Opponents: Why All the Rage?

It wasn't the realization that I would have to spend the next hour or so trying to find the Cave Chia and making rude comments about his mother until he agreed to face me. It was the long list of opponents I had, and the nagging question... “Why would they want to fight me?”

Well, that and “When on earth did I get Grarrg as a challenger?”

Armed with little more than insatiable curiosity, a trusty Dark Faerie pen and Zaqa, my Draik, for company, I wandered into Neopia with a mission in mind. Find the Battledome Opponents. And find out how THEY feel about fighting. If the Fountain Faerie should happen to stumble into my path on this journey, so be it.

Despite Zaqa's continual complaints about the dank light of the Haunted Woods being bad for her complexion, we tiptoed through the paths, and there, sought audience with Edna herself. After careful explanation, she heaved a sigh and leaned against the door frame as I questioned her.

Anjie: “Why would you want to fight pets in the Battledome?”

Edna: “Don't you think I might like to leave this tower once in a while? Don't I deserve a life beyond people demanding Snorkle Snouts in return for one neopoint items? Besides. Do any of the potion names I dish out sound less than sinister to you? It might occur to you, my dear, that I fight in the Battledome, simply because I'm not Neopia's most wholesome character.”

Anjie: “Then, I understand your somewhat dubious nature might be satisfied when you beat a Neopet. But what about the lucky few who conquer you?”

She, at this, gave a rather wicked smirk and pointed to the shelves behind her. One glance at potions labeled such things as “Charm of Chia Melting” was enough to make Zaqa and I scurry out as quickly as possible!

Our next venture took us to a deserted part of Neopia Central, where, with a flicker of ebony, the Shadow Usul graced us with her presence.

Anjie: "So sorry to trouble you, but I was wondering why you fight Neopets?"

Shadow Usul: "Fight them? I'm just doing a job. Trying to increase my credibility. All these Neopians talk on and on about the villains of our world, but do I get a frequent mention? Of course not. It's Sloth this, and Sloth that, and Sloth gets his very own day on the calendar!"

Anjie: "I'm sorry. Are you trying to tell me you fight so you can be better than Dr. Sloth?"

Shadow Usul: "Better? I'm better right now! And the sooner you little Neopians work that out, the better this world will be!"

The interview didn't end there, to be honest. She did spend the next half an hour ranting at me about how sinister she was compared to what I believe she called "Sloth's bumbling attempts at wickedness." Needless to say, Zaqa and I murmured something about having left Gruel Cake in the oven and scuttled off. We did, however, seem to be missing one notepad and a pen. I wonder why?

We then located the infamous Meuka terrorizing a small, pink Usul in the Battledome. We watched for some time as the poor pet, now dripping in a green substance I didn't even want to contemplate the origins of, swayed and ducked, bravely aiming a sparkshooter at her opponent. Needless to say, the battle was over rather fast, so Zaqa and I approached the massive, dripping, Meerca-like creature.

Anjie: “Sorry to disturb you, your snottiness, but I had a question.”

Meuka: “RAWGHHH.”

Anjie: “Yes. Quite. I was wondering what makes you battle neopets?”

Meuka: “Battle them? How would you like it if every little illness in Neopia was blamed on you. All day long, Neopians complaining about pets sniffling and blaming me. I don't choose to battle. I'm a victim!”

Anjie: “But didn't you make them ill in the first place?”

Meuka: “See? More accusations.”

We figured this was the best reply we were going to get out of a massive ball of mucus, so with Zaqa looking rather nervous and clutching her umbrella tightly, we made our retreat and headed in the direction of Mystery Island, seeking out Ryshu the Nimmo in the hope of a Battledome challenger who might not leave us running for our lives.

We found the battle master himself meditating on a small rock atop a hill in Mystery Island. We waited patiently while he murmured strange incantations to himself, and then, at what seemed like a good moment, asked softly...

Anjie: “Oh, wise Master. Tell us why it is you seek the violence of the Battledome?”

Ryshu: “Contemplate the Mountain.”

Anjie: “Well, that's one reason, sure. But what makes you want to battle random neopets?”

Ryshu: “How can river flow, if not aided by the rocks?”

Anjie: “I don't get it.”

Ryshu: “I needed a hobby, okay? Day after day, training neopets who want to be level five thousand, all so they can be the best. It needs to be understood that I'm the master for a reason. I need to keep training. Stay in shape. Protect my reputation.”

Although this was the most reasonable reply yet, the visit turned out to be most pointless, as I'm still trying to figure out what about mountains I should be contemplating. Luckily, the next Battledome opponent wasn't far away at all.

Just around the corner we found the coconut scented Mystery Island Tiki Tack Tombola stand, and Tiki Tack Man himself, busily polishing his spare mask. After I turned down three bottles of sand and his generous offer of a brand new box of trifle mix, (mainly because of the look of distaste upon Zaqa's face) we managed to fit in a bit of a chat.

Anjie: “Is it that you might be tired of ungrateful Neopians hurling bottles of sand at you?”

Tiki Tack Man: “No. It was more a case of Neopian stereotyping. I didn't want to be just about the Tombola anymore. There's more to me than that. Labels, that's the problem. I needed to let Neopia know there's more to Tiki Tack Man than doling out codestones. There's a bad side. A side you should fear.”

Anjie: “So fear. That's the reason for the shirt, too?”

Needless to say, we had to make hasty exit number three here. I did try for a couple more interviews, but the Chia Clown proved to be an elusive subject and merely held up a paw to my camera and giggled “No comment” in a rather disturbing manner. Count Von Roo also eluded me, though since our brief encounter with him, I've noticed Zaqa studying the necks of my other pets in a most worrying fashion.

So in conclusion, dear Neopians.. Next time you and your pet enter the Battledome and plan to singe some serious bad guy with your grand lightning beam.. Pause for a second and contemplate, “Why are we fighting?”

And then? Take them down!