The Gallery of Oddballs

So we’ve all heard of the Gallery of Evil. It contains villains such as the Shadow Usul, Balthazar, and the infamous Dr. Sloth. And most of us have seen the Gallery of Heroes: there, we honor all those who fight to protect Neopia, go about righting wrongs, and look really good waving weapons. And those who are neither heroes nor villains are your everyday normal Neopian, right?

Wrong! There are some Neopians who should never be called normal. But right now, they’re all crowded in the same category as everyone else. For these unique individuals I have invented, The Gallery of Oddballs. Some are well known, and some don’t even have names, but all are undeniably, well, odd.

Cheeserollers Inventor- It’s cheese. You eat it. It’s yummy. It’s food. You don’t play with it. You don’t throw it down a hill--at least not while your mother is watching. You definitely don’t wait to eat it until after it’s rolled down a grassy, muddy, probably-covered-with-disgusting-things hill. Or at least don’t chew with your mouth open when you do eat it.

The Haiku Generator Kougra- No one can really tell what’s wrong with this pet, but something must be, because this Kougra never makes sense. She does always speak in lines of 5-7-5, though, so perhaps this is part of what’s wrong with her. Maybe if we all talked in haikus, she would make more sense. Next time you go say something in haiku, like this:

I don’t understand

What you are talking about.

Please won’t you explain?

If she tried to live in mainstream Neopia, she would be in trouble. However, she is content to stay on Mystery Island and entertain the tourists. Many people come every day to find out the crazy things that she will say next, so at least she will always have a job.

Hungry Skeith’s Buzz- Skeiths are famous for eating anything. The name of the game is Hungry Skeith. Yet despite this and in defiance of all good sense, you come within inches of the Skeith’s huge mouth. You either have nerves of steel, or you’re crazy. And personally my bet’s on the second of the two. I mean, Skeiths are famous for pigging out, and you are right at mouth level and close to mouth sized. Did you ever wonder why Jelly Factory went to the graveyard? Now we know...

The Island Mystic- He could be called an oddball for his looks alone, but not only does he have a terrible fashion sense he also has another problem. This deluded Kyrii truly believes that he can tell the future. But sadly, in my experience, he has never once been right. *shakes fist* Where are the riches you promised me, you fraud?!

The Kiss-a-Mortog Grundo- First off, he’s a Grundo--with warts--in Meridell. He hangs around all day watching people kiss Mortogs and get covered in slime. There is something very wrong with this. And he wears a crown with a smiley. Why? Does he think that he is a Mortog prince? I am very concerned.

The Monster of Old Maraqua- It can obviously talk, because it says to go away. So why does it stay haunting Old Maraqua? Is it some poor creature abandoned there after Maraqua was destroyed? Is it hiding from a terrible past? Is it protecting something? Is it a New Maraquan that didn’t fit in and ran away? It must have some kind of problem, or else why is it yelling? Then again, maybe it has fallen prey to one of the rampant disorders around Neopia, and left on the caps lock?

The Rubbish Dump Kacheek- This Kacheek bravely goes where no other dares. Sorting through piles of rubbish and dung cleaning up after his fellow neopians. Due to the smell, however, he has become something of a social outcast. Only when they want to throw something away, or retrieve some treasure that another Neopian foolishly didn’t recognize, do Neopians visit him. Do an act of kindness and stop by. Just be sure to plug your nose. And walk on the other side of the street when you come back, if you don’t mind.

Sabre-X- This once illustrious member of the Tyrannian council of elders seems to have lost it after the war. He now goes around making sure that everyone is rationed only one piece of omelette, despite the fact that the war ended long ago. And he often waits for eggs to fall from the sky. Somehow this does not inspire confidence in the Tyrannian government. At least he can speak standard Neopian--possibly this makes him an oddball in Tyrannia...

Splat-a-Sloth Grundos- It’s a sock. I would like to point out that, well, it’s a sock. I know you hate Dr. Sloth and want to show your malice, but it’s a sock. It’s not some voodoo doll, it’s a sock. It will not damage Dr. Sloth’s plans in any way, shape, or form. It’s just a sock. At least in Whack-a-Kass it looks like Kass. You, however, are beating up a defenseless sock.

Turdle Racing Bettors- For goodness sake, they’re so slow! Are you actually going to watch them all that time? I certainly hope not. If you didn’t belong in the Gallery of Oddballs before you placed your bet, you certainly will afterward. People have been known to leave in comas, screaming, terrified at even the mention of a Turdle, or still slowly yelling and sometimes never finish yelling, “G-G-G-G-g-g-g-g-o-o-o-o-o!!” So take my advice and don’t risk it. After all, there are so many other fun and exciting things in Meridell to do. Like... I don’t know, Cheeserolling.

The Wheel of Monotony Quiggle- This poor guy may once have been normal, but long ago he began spinning the Wheel of Monotony for Neopians. Hours on end he watches that wheel, and as soon as it stops, some other person comes along to subject him to it all over again. He never had a chance to sleep, and he could never go anywhere. Since then he has become perpetually bored and lethargic, and who can blame him? Maybe there’s a bright side and at least he finally has the avatar...then again, I doubt he ever has a chance to visit the Neoboards...

The Zurroball Grundo- Your sports equipment includes an eyeball... and snot. Is that even possible? Talk about an odd ball!