Article Spies - Balthazar

          Scene: Roo Island. Eleven o’clock in the evening.

     Our reporter, Christos, is sitting on the sofa in his living room. His Neohome is big and cosy, situated next to the docks of Roo Island. The atmosphere is calm. Incense candles have been lit and the lights are off, as he is admiring the newest addition to his water gallery collection.

     Christos: Ah yes, the elusive Vile Swamp Water is finally mine! *gets the item closer to the candle light to admire it in all its glory*

     Suddenly…

     Birdy: *kicks the door and barges in* CHRISTOS GUESS WHAT!

     Christos: GAH WHERE DID YOU COME FROM AND WHAT DO YOU WANT also where have you been, it’s literally been years.

     Birdy: Jail. *shrugs* The Defenders of Neopia locked me up for “Crimes Against Neopia” or something and I just now finally managed to escape.

     Christos: What? Are you serious??

     Birdy: No, of course not!

     Christos: Then where-

     Birdy: Wait a second, where is Pandy?

     Christos: …Pandy?

     Birdy: Yeah, our Pandaphant. The one we bought while spying on the Fanciful Fauna shopkeeper, remember?

     Christos: Oh yeah, I sold that ages ago. It really helped me fill out my gallery and-

     Birdy: WHAT?!

     Christos: Yeah, for like ten million Neopoints, which reminds me I owe you - let’s see, accounting for inflation on your share of the five million, taking into consideration your neglect - 10,000 Neopoints I believe.

     Birdy: YOU SOLD OUR CHILD?!

     Christos: Of course not! I wouldn’t do that without asking you first, even though you did disappear for years. Anyway, I think it's off in some Grave Danger or Symol Hole. How do you think I acquired this? *shoves Vile Swamp Water in Birdy’s face*

     Birdy: *holds her nose* Oh, that smell is truly vile. Well, as long as Pandy is safe…

     Christos: So, where were-

     Birdy: That’s not important. You will never guess what I found out. I’ve got a lead on Balthazar!

     Christos: *grabs notepad* Are we back?!

     Birdy: We are so back!

     Birdy grabs Christos’s hand and drags him out of the door. Seconds later, they both return back inside. Birdy’s lead is for tomorrow.

          Scene: Haunted Woods. Ten o’clock in the morning.

     Our reporters, reunited after so many years, arrive outside a wooden shack in the outskirts of the Haunted Woods. Birdy’s confidant claimed that this is Balthazar’s lair and that he would be having a very interesting visitor today. Along the way, they had been very careful not to step onto any assumed traps guarding the shack, although they hadn’t noticed any.

     Christos: This should be it, if your sources are accurate. Quick, let’s hide behind this bush.

     Birdy: *ducks down and gets leaves in her hair* It’s eerily quiet around here. The shack looks abandoned, the windows are barred shut and the door is closed. Are you sure your map reading skills are up to standards?

     Christos: You have been searching for my Neohome for the past nine years, I think my skills are fine. And besides, there were so many keep-out warnings along the way. This must be it.

     Birdy: Let’s take a closer look then! We can crawl around the bush towards that fanlight window.

     Christos: And then what-

     Birdy: *already below the window* You lift me up!

     Christos: Are you sure you weren’t really in jail?

     Christos quietly gets up from behind the bush, right below the fanlight and Birdy follows. He then slowly raises her up, just up to the point that she can have a quick peek inside.

     Birdy: OH MY this is definitely the correct location. Look at all the shiny trinkets and bottles and corks and price tags-

     Christos: I, literally, cannot.

     Birdy: -and it’s surprisingly organised, I would have expected him to be so chaotic and wacky, and no vicious scratch marks on the wooden tables or-

     Christos: *abruptly* Is Balthazar in or not?

     Birdy: Oh, no, it’s empty. Look at those flickering lights, it must be the Faeries, and that machine there I wonder what it does and-

     Christos: You know what, I will just bring you back down and we can both enter and see. How about that?

     Christos lowers Birdy back to the ground and she immediately runs to the main entrance, a wooden door. With a great push, the door swings inwards and our two reporters enter, closing the door behind them. In the furthest corner on the left sits a strange machine. Directly in the other corner, there is a wooden table and affixed on the walls are shelves.

     Christos: Why does it smell so damp in here?

     Birdy: Phew, it smells worse than your new gallery item. Look at the poor Faeries, as well. *points at many corked glass bottles which emanate lights of different colours on the shelves* They seem to be knocking on the surrounding glass trying to break it, can you hear that faint sound?

     Christos: That is very unfortunate, but we cannot interfere. Everything needs to stay as is, Balthazar can’t find out that we’ve been here.

     Birdy: *moves closer to the table* Hang in there little friends!

     Christos: What is that, spread on the table?

     Birdy: Looks like a purple goo or slime or paste or- *dips a finger in*

     Christos: BIRDY!

     Birdy: I’m getting a cold, wet sensation from it. Wait, a tingling sensation has started rising from my fingertip up. *quickly removes finger and shakes hand*

     Christos: I wonder what the use is. The workshop seems to be organised in such a way to streamline the Faerie bottling. Assuming that he picks up an empty bottle from the stack there *points away*, he then comes to this desk where he presumably makes the Faerie smaller in size, then moves over there *points further away* to pick up a cork from that box and close the bottle, correct?

     Birdy: *mentally tracks the path suggested by Christos* It is very possible. But what does this slime actually do and what is the use of that machine?

     Christos: I don’t– Oh no! Quickly let’s hide, I think I hear voices outside!

     Christos and Birdy quickly duck and hide behind a pair of wooden crates. Inside the crates, many vials of the purple goo they saw spread on the table are safely guarded. As our reporters continue to silently ponder its use, the door to the shack opens and in walks Balthazar, who appears to either be talking to himself, or someone else they can’t see yet…

     Balthazar: …which, of course, is completely natural, and aside from the shrinking, the only side effect is a mild tingling sensation.

     Christos: *whispering* Is he talking about the goo?

     Birdy: *suddenly worried* …Does my finger look smaller or is it just me? *holds finger up for Christos to inspect*

     Christos: *swats Birdy’s hand away* Shh! Someone else is talking!

     Mysterious Voice: Interesting. So this… “Goo” you’ve made… It shrinks us, yes, but exactly how does that work?

     Christos: *frowns and whispers* That voice… it can’t be…

     Birdy: *gasps* Aethia!?

     The reporters look at each other, eyes wide. What on Neopia could the Battle Faerie be doing consorting with the likes of an infamous faerie-catcher? With bated breath, they lean forward, eager to learn more…

     Balthazar: I’m sure you remember at your Festival the other year, when your precious Illusen was so ill from all the Pollution, yes? Well, this “Goo” as you call it, could be said to be like the pollution - it interferes with the natural magic resistance that all you faeries have, which in turn makes it far easier to use it to shrink you and put you in bottles.

     Aethia: Fascinating… and clever! It must have taken you quite some time to perfect this.

     Balthazar: *proudly, yet dismissively* Oh, not really…

     Birdy: *whispering angrily* How could she find that fascinating? That’s her sisters he’s talking about imprisoning! She’s supposed to defend them! How could she betray them like this? Fyora especially, while all this Void stuff is going on!

     Christos: Let’s not jump to conclusions just yet…

     Birdy: *tries not to shout* Listen to how she is talking about helping him capture her own sisters, this is unbelievable!

     Christos makes a sushing motion at Birdy, trying to keep her from revealing their location and getting them caught. Besides, Aethia is still talking, and Birdy’s furious whispering is distracting them from getting the full scoop!

     Aethia: …a grand arsenal of weapons, spears and nets at your disposal. I remember during our communication that this great mind of yours has come up with a plan for mass production?

     Balthazar: *blushes and points at the machine in the corner* You are too kind, but indeed I’ve spent months perfecting this marvelous piece of engineering. I wanted to move away from manual labour to increase efficiency and productivity, as well as minimise errors.

     Balthazar starts walking towards the machine. The leftmost part of the machine consists of a long, thick tube. Next to it, another, slanted tube is connected to a vat underneath. Right besides them, there are claws and, right above them, a long hose runs from the vat and connects to some sprinklers. A long conveyor belt then runs to the end of the machine, which has another long, thin tube. At the end, the belt curves at an angle downwards and leads to…nothing.

     Balthazar: *points at the far left tube* Before beginning the Bottling - or the Money Maker as I like to call it - we feed the empty glass bottles in this tube, like so. *picks up a bottle and feeds it through the tube*

     Aethia: Fascinating! Tell me more.

     Balthazar: Next, we check the vat to ensure that there is a sufficient amount of the precious goo. In case of a need to refill, we rotate this valve *points at a metallic valve on the side* which opens this slanted tube, from where we can pour in my purple prized creation.

     Aethia: Such a brilliant mind!

     Balthazar: Lastly, we check the end of the line *moves towards the end*. Through this tiny tube we feed the corks which seal the valuable bottles, better known as-

     Aethia: The Money Makers, of course.

     Balthazar: That’s the spirit. Whoever claimed that a Faerie and a Faerie Hunter couldn’t find common ground had probably never negotiated with the right Faerie! The Bottling commences when a Faerie is placed between those claws. She is then shrunk - after a tingling sensation of course - by sprinkling her with goo from above. A bottle then waits on the conveyor belt, where the teeny-tiny smelly Faerie is placed inside, transported by the claws. Once inside, the belt carries the bottle to the end of the belt where it is sealed and deposited in a box *points to the ground where an imaginary box would be placed*.

     Aethia: Excellent explanation and an ingenious design. This streamlined technology will surely yield us great profits. I had a look at your projected return on investment and - given the current war and the amount of Neopians training - they look quite promising.

     Balthazar: *suspiciously sniffs the air with confidence* Could I offer a real demonstration with a certain Battle Faerie?

     Aethia: *sharply* That won’t be necessary. My time, neopoints, weapons and effort need to support a working prototype so do not get ahead of yourself and make sure it works. We have a deadline to reach.

     Balthazar: Bold and valiant, as expected. You can’t blame a Bounty Hunter for trying though. At least we will soon become rich.

     Birdy is struggling to move and intervene, while Christos is holding her back and covering her mouth. She moves her shoulders left and right, clearly agitated at this great betrayal of the Faeries until - with a sudden twist - she breaks free of Christos’s grasp and stands up, huffing.

     Birdy: SHAME ON YOU!

     Aethia: Wha-

     Birdy: Betraying your sisters and the whole of Faeriehood for some easy money? *shouts towards the Faerie* How could you!

     Christos: *gets up shyly and speaks in low voice* …she’s got a point…

     Balthazar: What is happening? Is this a set up?

     Aethia: I- I don’t know who these people are!

     Balthazar: I knew I shouldn’t have trusted a Faerie. You are all the same, no different than those Dark Faeries I met years ago, who made me who I am today!

     Balthazar runs towards the exit but, just before exiting, he presses a big, red button, activating the security measures of the shack and the surrounding area. He then lets out a howl and starts running into the night, through the safe pass he has walked so many times.

     Aethia: Why couldn’t you stay quiet?! *angrily scolds Birdy* You just had to listen, not intervene and bring all this to light.

     Christos: What is that now?

     Birdy: EXCUSE ME?

     Aethia: *sighs in exasperation* Who did you think was your anonymous source? Was the letter sealed with a wax seal of two crossed swords - that just so happened to mysteriously appear in your pocket after you completed one of my quests at the Festival - not enough?

     Birdy: That could mean anything! Lots of faeries have swords!

     Christos: Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s mainly just her… (Maybe Illusen…)

     Aethia: Now months of planning is for naught. Because you just couldn’t keep quiet!

     The Battle Faerie is understandably angry, and takes a threatening step towards the reporters. They begin to back away, Birdy more swiftly. Which is likely why, oblivious to what is behind her, she backs straight into the claws of Balthazar’s machine…

     Birdy: *struggling* Hey! Let go!

     Christos: Birdy! *hurries to stop the machine*

     Aethia: Uh-oh…

     Alas, despite Christos’s best efforts to stop the machine, it is too late - the process has begun, and it appears for all his brilliance, Balthazar did not include an “off” switch; once the machine has started, one can only wait until it is done. And so Christos and Aethia can only watch helplessly as Birdy is doused in the Goo, shrunk, and stuffed into a bottle.

     Christos: *picks up the now-filled bottle* Well, this isn’t good…

     Birdy: *yelling and knocking on the glass, although no one can really hear her*

     Aethia: *sighs* I’m sorry about your friend; I didn’t mean for that to happen. If you’ll come with me back to Faerieland, I think we can find a way to return her to normal.

     Christos: Thank-you. Birdy, isn’t that nice of her?

     Birdy: *still sulking, sitting cross-legged, arms crossed as well*

     Aethia: *mutters under her breath* (If nothing else, we can shoot the bottle with a slingshot and hope for the best…)

     Christos: *not quite hearing* What was that?

     Aethia: Oh, nothing…

     And so our fearless reporter follows Aethia out of the Shack and past all the traps, beginning the journey to Faerieland where (hopefully) the faeries will be able to return Birdy to her usual chaos-causing self. What awaits our reporters after that? We’ll just have to wait and PUZZLE it out…