Ilere Finds a Baby

     At first she thought it might be a stray Meowclops calling out for company. But Meowclops tended to be noisier in the evening hours.

     And if that wasn’t a Meowclops crying, then…

     Reluctantly, Ilere rose from her kitchen table and opened her front door.

     The door swung outwards a short distance before meeting resistance. The noise paused briefly, and Ilere peeked out.

     It was, unfortunately, a baby.

     The baby, who appeared to be an Elephante, was tucked inside a woven basket and swaddled up tightly in a pastel yellow blanket. Their head was wrapped in a frilly white bonnet, their honey-gold eyes were shimmering with tears, and their lungs were clearly very functional, which they proceeded to demonstrate with a renewed onslaught of wailing.

     Ilere quickly shut the door. The sound of crying was diminished just enough by the closed door to let Ilere gather her thoughts.

     The first of which was Who in their right mind would leave a baby on my doorstep?

     Ilere was known for a number of things. Childcare was not among them.

     She was known to be dangerous; there were tales whispered throughout the Woods of the fools she’d cursed, usually for things like trying to steal a rare herb from her garden, trampling one of her mushroom patches, or knocking on her door to try and sell her an encyclopedia set.

     She was a master of herbs, an expert in the cultivation and use of various fungi, a brewer of potions and poisons, and a wielder of potent earth and darkness spells.

     She was rarely sought out, largely because there was rarely any reason to seek her. She didn’t hire out her services, never sold any of her potions or tea blends (though she’d occasionally barter when she needed something she couldn’t make or obtain otherwise), and was not inclined to take apprentices.

     The closest thing to an apprentice she’d ever had was Sophie, and that was really stretching the definition of the term.

     Oh, there’d been a handful of misguided fools who’d come knocking at her door after hearing about the whole Neovia incident, thinking she’d be inclined to help them solve their petty issues. Those people had the door slammed in their face. The less-foolish ones took the hint and left. Some tried knocking again.

     They never liked what happened next.

     Ilere valued her privacy and her solitude. She very, very, very, very, very rarely welcomed any sort of company.

     Her niece, Illusen, was tolerable from time to time. And her niece’s former companion, Jhudora, could host a decent gala. Ilere did like to attend the Faerie Festival most years; it was a good way to catch up on all the goings-on in the world outside her own little corner of the Haunted Woods, as well as reminding her why she stayed in that corner for the rest of the year.

     People were exhausting.

     And right now there was a very small person raising an intolerable racket in front of her house.

     Ilere sighed, reopened her door, and picked up the basket. The baby’s cries were swallowed by a big, hiccupy sob as the baby looked up at her with big, tearful eyes.

     Ilere placed one finger on the baby’s forehead and murmured a spell. With a pfft of magical energy, the baby’s eyes closed. The soft snoring that followed was far more agreeable than crying.

     Ilere made a quick examination of the basket’s exterior. There were not, alas, any obvious notes or labels.

     There was really only one thing for Ilere to do at this point: get this baby out of her hair as quickly as possible.

     Well, actually there was one more thing to do: find out who had put the baby here in the first place so she could make sure they never dared to do so again.

     Except…

     Now that she thought of it, she had a guess as to who that might be.

     So, sleeping baby in tow, Ilere headed out into the woods towards Sophie the Swamp Witch’s cottage.

     ---

     With a brief glance at the “Sophie’s Swamp: Do Not Enter! Intruders Will be Turned Into Stink Beetles!” sign posted by the path towards Sophie’s swamp, Ilere strode right on in.

     The area looked healthy enough. Lots of greenery, a fine selection of fungi, plenty of good nutrient-rich muck, and an abundance of useful pollinators.

     She swatted at one of said pollinators—a Moquot—when it buzzed too close to her face, then shooed another away from the baby before casting a minor insect-repellent spell on them both. As annoyed as Ilere was by the situation, it was hardly the baby’s fault. Besides, bug bites would just make the baby cry harder when they woke, and it wasn’t as if Ilere could keep putting the baby to sleep indefinitely. She was pretty sure baby Neopets had to eat fairly often and couldn’t feed themselves.

     Hopefully, that wouldn’t be her problem for too much longer.

     Once she reached the door to Sophie’s shack, she rapped it a few times.

     After a few moments, the clomp of Sophie’s boots approached, and the door swung open.

     “Whaddaya wa—oh, you,” said Sophie, glaring. Then her eyes dropped to the basket and the baby inside.

     Sophie blinked. Then she blinked again.

     Her expression shifted—surprise, confusion, then stubbornness.

     She looked back up at Ilere.

     “Absolutely not,” said Sophie before slamming the door, leaving Ilere and the baby outside.

     Ilere glanced down at the baby, who still slumbered under the sleep spell’s influence.

     Given Sophie’s reaction, it seemed like the Ixi hadn’t been the one to leave her the baby, after all.

     Ilere waited.

     A minute or so later, the door opened again.

     “Where did you get that baby?” Sophie demanded.

     “I found this basket on my doorstep this morning,” said Ilere. “I wondered if you’d been the one to leave it there.”

     “Why would I do a stupid thing like that?” Sophie asked. “I of all people know you’d be a terrible babysitter.”

     “Some sort of revenge, I assumed,” said Ilere. “Though it didn’t seem your usual style. I had no other leads, and in any case, I thought you’d be better-equipped to deal with this than I am.”

     She set the basket down at Sophie’s feet. “I’ve put a spell on the child to make them sleep for now. I expect they’ll need to eat soon after they wake.”

     “Excuse me?” said Sophie. “Oh no, absolutely not! You do not get to abandon another child at this shack.”

     “This is a Neopet child,” said Ilere. “You’re a Neopet. You’d know more about how to take care of them than I would.”

     “Oh, sure, I’m just overflowing with maternal instincts over here,” said Sophie. “I’m a swamp witch! That’s not a profession that provides childcare experience! I wasn’t even old enough to babysit when Reggie took me out of Neovia and you left me in this swamp. You probably know as much about babies as I do.”

     “I know some things about faerie larvae, though I’ve never cared for one myself,” said Ilere. “But Neopets are different. I don’t believe Neopet infants can eat magic.”

     Sophie stared at Ilere for a few moments before saying “Yeah, Neopets eat actual food. Okay, I’ll give you this—you’re not the right person to care for this baby. But neither am I.”

     “Then you can find whoever is,” said Ilere. “I wish you the best of luck.”

     She turned to leave, but Sophie grabbed her arm.

     “Oh, no you don’t,” said Sophie. “You may have roped me into this, but you do not get to drop a baby on me and run. If I’m stuck with this baby, so are you.”

     Ilere turned back slowly, eyes narrowed, meeting Sophie’s gaze once more. “I know you to be a powerful witch,” said Ilere. “And I respect that power. But you cannot compel me to do anything I don’t wish to do. I advise you not to try.”

     Sophie glared back. “Sure. Maybe I can’t force you to help babysit. But I know where you live, Ilere. And I can think of some interesting things a powerful swamp witch might do to someone who really ticked me off.”

     Ilere paused.

     She was quite certain she could take Sophie on head-to-head, if things came to that, but… they were on Sophie’s home turf right now, and Sophie could be troublesome, if she chose.

     And Ilere was disinclined to take any truly severe measures with Sophie. Having a swamp witch around was good for the local ecosystem, after all, and Sophie had filled that niche admirably.

     Perhaps it was best to take the path of least resistance. It wasn’t as if Ilere had any more pressing plans for the day.

     “Perhaps we can make a deal,” said Ilere. “I’ll accompany you until the baby is in the care of someone more suitable, and you can help me track down the empty-headed fool who left a baby at my doorstep.”

     “Deal,” said Sophie. “But only if I get to zap them first.”

     “The baby was on my doorstep, Sophie,” Ilere replied. “You can zap them second.”

     “Fine, fine,” said Sophie. “In any case, I think I know where we can find a babysitter.”

     ---

     Ilere followed Sophie through the Haunted Woods towards a destination Sophie hadn’t deigned to share, though Ilere could venture a guess. The two of them—three, counting the baby—traveled in silence; the baby was still sleeping, though the tiny Elephante seemed to be stirring just a bit.

     Ilere could always muster up another sleep spell, if it came to that, but she wasn’t sure whether too many sleep spells in a row might be bad for the baby.

     One more spell would be fine, probably.

     After some time, they arrived at a little cottage.

     The cottage was entirely too cute and cozy-looking for Ilere’s tastes, but she supposed she didn’t have to live in it. Or even spend much time in it, hopefully.

     “Let me do the talking,” said Sophie as they approached the door.

     Ilere, who was no great fan of chatter, gave a slight nod.

     Sophie rapped on the door a few times with her knuckles, then settled back on her heels to wait for a response.

     After a few moments, the door opened to reveal a tan-furred Usul who was more-or-less as cute as the cottage. The Usul looked vaguely familiar to Ilere, but she couldn’t quite place her.

     “Oh!” said the Usul. “Sophie! I wasn’t expecting you this early—though you’re always welcome, of course! And… um…”

     The Usul looked up at Ilere, then at the basket Ilere was holding, then back to Sophie.

     “Um,” the Usul said again, and Ilere finally recalled where she’d seen the Usul before—in her very own courtyard, brought there by Sophie during her quest to save Neovia. The Usul’s name was… Milly? Lily? No—Gilly.

     “So,” said Sophie, “we have a bit of a situation.”

     “I see,” said Gilly. “I… think you’d all better come inside.”

     Shortly thereafter, the three of them were seated at the kitchen table, with the baby basket on the table between them.

     “Where did the baby come from?” Gilly asked.

     “Some Barbat-brained idiot apparently left a baby at Ilere’s front door,” said Sophie. “Of all the places to leave a child, that has to be… okay, it’s kind of in the middle, given some of the others who live in the Haunted Woods. But there are a lot of better places.”

     “I quite agree,” said Ilere.

     “Did whoever-it-was leave a note?” Gilly asked.

     “None that I saw,” said Ilere.

     “Well…” said Gilly, standing up. “Say, is this a boy or girl?”

     Sophie and Ilere looked at each other.

     “It’s a baby,” said Ilere.

     Sophie just shrugged.

     The baby whimpered softly.

     “I think the baby’s waking up,” said Gilly. “Maybe they’ll settle back down if I rock them a bit...”

     Carefully, Gilly extracted the baby from the basket, cradling them in her arms, their head against her shoulder… revealing the folded paper pinned to the back of the baby’s onesie.

     “Well, there we go,” said Sophie, carefully removing the pin and taking the paper.. “A note.” She glanced at Ilere, and added “You really should have looked the baby over better before bothering me.”

     “I thought whoever left the basket at my doorstep would pick a more obvious spot to leave a note,” Ilere replied. “And you didn’t think to check, either.”

     “Because I figured you would’ve done it already!” said Sophie. “Anyways, let’s see…”

     She unfolded the paper and started to read. “‘Dear Lady Ilere of the Woods…’”

     Sophie’s brow wrinkled. “I don’t think you qualify as a ‘lady,’ but whatever.”

     “I don’t,” Ilere agreed. “I’m not of noble blood, and no royalty have granted me a title. Not that I’d want one. Keep reading.”

     “I was getting to it!” said Sophie, before turning back to the note. “‘Dear (not actually a) Lady Ilere of the Woods, we leave you with our most precious treasure in the hopes that you can provide her with a better future than we ever could.’”

     Sophie looked back at Ilere. “Well, that’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.”

     “It certainly shows poor judgement,” Ilere concurred.

     “At least we know the baby’s a girl, now,” said Gilly, gently rocking the baby, who was starting to shift in her sleep.

     “Not sure how that helps us at all, but yeah, guess so,” said Sophie. “Back to business… ‘We are but humble citizens of a small village, yet it seems this child of ours is destined for far greater things. Even from such a young age, our dear daughter has shown great magical potential.’ Wait, what?”

     Sophie and Ilere both looked at the baby.

     “Did the baby do anything… magical before you came to me?” Sophie asked.

     “No,” said Ilere. “I’d have mentioned it.”

     “Sure, sure,” said Sophie.

     “She seems like a normal baby to me,” said Gilly.

     The baby burbled softly, but settled back down after a moment.

     “Moving on…” said Sophie, “‘We fear that our daughter’s growing powers are too much for us to handle, but we know that you’ve been responsible for the upbringing of at least one successful witch’—now that’s a massive load of Kau dung!” said Sophie. “You left me in a shack with a bunch of books and magic supplies! That’s not an upbringing!”

     “It worked, didn’t it?” said Ilere. “This one doesn’t seem old enough to care of herself, though.”

     “Neither was I!” said Sophie. “I was eight years old!”

     “You seemed fairly self-sufficient,” said Ilere. “You took to magic quickly, and you kept yourself fed.”

     “I cried myself to sleep for days after you abandoned me!” Sophie exclaimed.

     As if to punctuate the point, the baby whimpered again, squirming a little in Gilly’s arms.

     “The baby’s definitely starting to wake up,” said Gilly. “I don’t have any baby supplies here... I wasn’t exactly expecting one to show up.”

     “Let me finish reading this, then we can figure out what to do next,” said Sophie. “Anyways… ‘We know that you’ve been (not at all) responsible for the upbringing of at least one successful (no thanks to you) witch, and we trust that our dear child will be in the best of hands. With deep regards and endless gratitude—two sorrowful parents. P.S. Don’t let her sneeze on you.’ What?”

     “Ah-buh-buh-buhhh,” said the baby. “Uh… uhhh…”

     “Maybe you should put her down,” said Sophie.

     “Ah…ahhh-choo!” the baby sneezed, right onto Gilly..

     “Ugh!” said Gilly, flinching. “I hope she’s not si...”

     Suddenly, all of Gilly’s fur stood on end.

     “Oh, I… I don’t feel so…” Gilly started to say, faintly, swaying on her feet.

     Sophie had just enough time to grab the baby before Gilly was enveloped in a cloud of sickly green smoke.

     When the smoke cleared, there was a Mortog standing where Gilly had just been.

     Mortog-Gilly ribbited unhappily, and Sophie quickly redeposited the baby in the basket before taking a long step backwards, presumably out of sneezing range.

     Predictably, the baby started to wail again.

     “Oh, dungheaps!” said Sophie, above the baby’s cries. “What are we supposed to do now?”

     Quickly, Ilere recast the sleep spell before stepping back again. After a moment’s thought, she grabbed a blanket hanging on the back of Gilly’s sofa and laid it over the top of the basket, which might at least do something to block any future sneezes. Failing that, the darkness might keep the baby asleep a bit longer. It worked for Crokabeks, anyways.

     Gilly ribbited again, shifting back and forth on her new webbed feet.

     “If we’re lucky,” said Ilere, looking down at the newly-transformed Mortog, “the transfiguration will wear off on its own.”

     “I’m not feeling lucky just now,” said Sophie.

     “Neither am I,” said Ilere.

     Gilly ribbited again. With her forelimbs, she mimed holding something cylindrical up to her face.

     “...I think she’s saying we’re going to have to feed the baby at some point,” said Sophie.

     “Ah,” said Ilere. “Very well. You can go find something to feed the baby, and I’ll work on brewing up a cure for Gilly.” Which was, Ilere thought, quite a magnanimous offer; it wasn’t as if Gilly’s current state were Ilere’s doing.

     “No!” said Sophie. “You are not leaving me alone with this baby.”

     “You won’t be alone,” Ilere pointed out. “Gilly’s still here, albeit in a different form. There’s no real reason for us to stay together. We’ll get more done if we work separately.”

     “Then you can take the baby, and I can work on a cure,” said Sophie, arms crossed.

     “No,” said Ilere. “That wouldn’t work as well.”

     “Then we can all stick together a little longer,” said Sophie. “Neovia’s not far from here. We can go there for supplies—maybe Bruno’d be willing to babysit. And Mortogsit.”

     Gilly gave an irritated croak. Sophie looked down at her.

     “Maybe you don’t need a sitter, exactly,” said Sophie, “but there are enough things in these woods that eat Petpets that I’d rather not leave you on your own.”

     Gilly ribbited sadly, and Sophie knelt down to pick her up.

     “We’ll stick together for now,” said Sophie, firmly, as she got back to her feet. “All four of us. We’ll go to Neovia, get some supplies—formula and diapers for the baby, plus some dried Clawmatoe and preserved ectoplasm for potions, since I’m running a bit low and we may need to do a few trial runs. Got it?”

     “I’d rather not,” said Ilere.

     “And I’d rather not have been abandoned in a run-down shack when I was a child, but we can’t always get what we want,” said Sophie. “Grab the baby. Let’s go.”

     To be continued…