Dungeons and Dimwits

     Kalilu’s copperbone staff glistened with light magic, which glinted on the silver tips of Kayixu’s clawed gauntlets. Leala scanned the darkness with her goggles for any sign of danger. Reena drew her sword, Niri let out an admirable attempt at a growl, and Mio very bravely hid behind the others with Thimble.

     Now, it was time to finish this game.

     They all stepped inside, vanishing as one, into an impenetrable veil of shadows. The doors behind them started to close. They creaked and groaned slowly on their weathered hinges, as though giving them a chance to turn tail. No way were they backing down now.

     These bumbling dunderheads had spent the past seven days living in a Neopia too foreign to feel at home in. They’d adventured from one place to the next, getting stronger and faster and… let’s be honest, not at all smarter. But still. It was fun at first, but they were sick of it. They were ready to vanquish this final quest so that the dice would finally set them free, send them home.

     But something had been gnawing away at Kay’s lack of brain cells. She was no expert on Dungeons and Draiks. She’d never played before at all. But weren’t games like this supposed to be chock-full of lore and story beats? Sure, there were sprinklings of it, but this world felt strangely hollow. Even the revolution Mio had wrought didn’t seem entirely tangible. These games were to be immersive, and while dropping them into a different world certainly should have been, it just wasn’t.

     There was no blood in this world. No bones. So much shadow, but no substance. Nothing here was real, even in an imaginary sense. And now, here they were. Set to climb the big, bad final dungeon of the game. The one that all the “people” here had warned them about. The one that everybody was so terrified of throughout their travels.

     It was awake now. Or maybe, whatever was at the top of it was. Maybe these dice weren’t meant to be a game of DnD at all. Just maybe, they were meant to be a different kind of dungeon. And maybe whatever they found at this dungeon’s end would be the very thing those ancient Neopians were trying to keep away forever.

     Or maybe not. It could just be that the real monster was the nonsense they found along the way.

     Some twists and turns later, they entered a chamber with a hefty pile of neopoints in the corner. Torches rippling with scarlet flames littered the walls. In the middle of the room was a still circle of crystal-clear water. Across from them was a door that would lead them to the next area.

     When the door slammed and locked behind them, they had a creeping, dreadful certainty of what was about to come. A pile of gold and a door that locked them in? Yeah, there was about to be a boss fight.

     Something shifted beneath the shining coins. Something growled deep and low. Everyone readied themselves for what was to come, whatever it may be.

     Reena drew her sword with a satisfying shing! noise. Leala scrolled through her inventory with practiced skill and summoned something like a robot to fight for her. Kalilu’s staff hummed with the prelude of an attack spell. Dark threads drifted up from Mio’s mane, and Kay just sort of stood there with her gauntlets ready to scratch stuff.

     The ‘points exploded outward, and a Black Talpidat emerged with a roar. Unlike the ones they knew, this petpet was a hulking monster. It towered over them, fangs dripping, eyes glowing with a fog that knew nothing but violence.

     “Cat friend!” said Kay happily, walking up to a wild animal to pet it, which is something that simply should not be done.

     The die popped out of its pouch and let Reena toss it to the floor. It rolled and clattered until it plopped into the circle of water and caused it to ripple. A golden number four slithered up into view.

     Now, four is a pretty great roll. When you’re using a six-sided die. Kay had just used a “D20” remember, and therefore got thrown into the pool face-first.

     “I roll to have my Artifice use Arching Flames,” said Leala, referring to her fantasy robot creature.

     A ten.

     Her creature charged forward, fire magic swirling around it. It gestured. A stream of orange fire shot out from its hand, arched high enough to graze the ceiling, and cascaded over the Talpidat. A flood of heat surged across the floor, her creature’s attack flowing like water.

     “Quickly! I roll to shield us from the overflow!”

     Kalilu rolled a fifteen. Light and dark magic blinded them all in a flash. When it was over, the remnants of the fire were rolling harmlessly against their rippling wall.

     The Talpidat leaped across the room. It bounded behind their defenses and unleashed a damaging roar. Its golden eyes gleamed, shadows dripping from its pelt. Its muzzle swayed from side to side as it decided who to target. Its gaze landed on Mio, and it swiped at her with claws black as ink.

     And just for a moment, when the poor bunny looked at it, she saw something else.

     “Get BACK!”

     And she rolled an eighteen. Automatically, allowing the ancient magic to guide her moves, Mio turned her tail to it and stomped her hind legs as hard as she could. A shock wave rang out through the whole dungeon. Dust spilled from between the bricks. The flames on the torches flickered out. The last thing they saw before darkness fell was the animal flying backwards.

     There was a loud thud. Then there was a pained groan. Then, the room was quiet.

     * * *

     Several levels up in the tower. They were heading down a long and dark hallway. Little by little, and unnoticed by the party of adventurers, was the fact that the others’ footsteps had gone quiet.

     Each member of the team stepped out onto their separate ledge. They were narrow, without any guardrails, and ended suddenly. Any careless move could send them falling, falling… into the crimson pool below. The pool radiated no heat. If anything, it seemed cold. They had no idea what would happen if they touched what it was made of, and they didn’t want to find out.

     A prismatic sphere was levitating in the very center of the chamber, indicating this as a riddle challenge.

     “What has a golden head and tail, but no body?”

     “Ah, that would be a gold coin,” said Kalilu, pleased to enjoy an intellectual challenge without the threat of the pyramid die.

     “Towns without houses and woods without trees. Mountains but no boulders and waterless seas.”

     Her striped Tyrannian tail swished contentedly. “You are describing a map, dear sir.”

     “What is it you can still keep after giving it to another?”

     “Your word,” she answered after a pause.

     Everyone else was happy to rest a bit while Kalilu answered the riddles. Reena yawned, contemplating a nap. Mio and Thimble hummed quietly to each other. Kay sat on the edge of her catwalk, dangling her legs over the certain doom below. Leala took this time to craft some potions.

     The last question was: “Wearing a leather coat to keep its skins in working order, it escorts you to another world with nary a portal.”

     Kalilu blinked. She mulled over the riddle for a long moment, Blook by her side with encouraging whispers. A growl rumbled deep in her throat. She raked her claws along the stone of her perch, scouring her mind for the solution.

     She drew in a breath to speak-

     “A book!” yelled Kay, her voice echoing.

     And the way forward was revealed.

     * * *

     They were almost to the top. Our dimwits were looking worse for wear, but they were still kicking. Their spirits were alight with timid relief. Soon, this mess would be over and done with, and they could all go out for burritos.

     Well, Kay could. Secretly. Not the ‘pets, as this definitely counted as a paranormal incident.

     They were accosted by a gang of skeletons. Reena rolled a sixteen and took out several at once. Leala rolled a thirteen, and her throwing stars knocked down a few more. Mio rolled a two when she tried to cheer them on and wound up making everyone present question their life choices. Including the skeletons.

     Another round of puzzle perception challenges. Kay stepped up to take whatever horrible fate the dice may cast upon her. When the four-sided piece landed on four and gave her intelligence like none of them had ever seen before, Kalilu became so enraged that her eye twitched for the next ten minutes.

     Three. Nine. The ever-dreaded one. Again and again, they rolled. Again and again, the dice decided their fates. At long last, they found the final room. The top of the tower. The end of the road! It was finally time to finish their quest. It was finally time to beat this game and set Neopia right!

     To be continued…