Programming

     Sat hunched over atop a large cardboard box of unsold Plushie Jetpacks, his feet not quite reaching the floor, Topsi's pastel pink eyes were instead being entertained by the twiddling of his thumbs. A frown stubbornly etched on the Pink Cybunny's face. The Inventor sighed softly. Before choosing to take a reassuringly upbeat tone. "I don't know what to tell you, my boy," he enthused as sympathetically as he could, "but all of your test results have come back well within the normal range!" His patient flashed him an irked look. "Okay, yes, normal is relative and it's not like I have a baseline for what you were like before the... incident... or even for folks of your... composition... but I assure you you're right as rain!"

     His eyes sank lower, focusing now on his toes.

     "Water got me into this mess," he whispered, almost grumpily.

     The Yellow Blumaroo winced at his own... unfortunate turn of phrase before scratching his head through his wild white barnet. It was true though. Well... the water quip but also that as far as Doctor Neggistential could tell, Topsi was fine. He was no Neopet Doctor. No, he had a double pHD in Negg Technology. But that meant he was an expert with machines. And with the Pink Cybunny actually being a robot (secretly designed by Dr Sloth no less), he knew what he was talking about. Topsi was 100%, without a shadow of a doubt, completely restored back to his normal self. Except that he wasn't. Not really. But mechanically, he was. "What you need, son," the Inventor finally replied, "is to be out in the fresh air! In the greenery!!" His patient looked up. "You've been cooped up in this Lab with me for far too long."

     His frown deepened. "Gee, Doc," he sighed, crossing his arms atop his rainbow striped shirt and turquoise dungarees, "I don't know..."

     Straightening out his patched white laboratory coat, Doctor Neggistential did know. "Getting back out there will do you the Neopia of good," he smiled kindly, before laughing, "if I was stuck inside all the time with me I'd be feeling out of sorts too!" Topsi almost smiled. "Anyway, isn't it that time of year again?"

     The half-smile faded. The Festival of Neggs. It had been a year since he'd ruined the previous iteration by turning into a Mira-hunting mechanical monstrosity. He hadn't told the Inventor... but he remembered most of it. They weren't memories the Pink Cybunny chose to access. His eyes fell back to his toes. He'd overheard the Doc talking over his communicator that this year's event was - somewhat randomly - taking place in the grounds of the old Asylum in Neovia. Not, uh, his first choice of location but his days of hosting these events were probably over. For better or worse. The frown returned. "I suppose..."

     Now it was the Yellow Blumaroo's turn to frown, having been sure Negg-themed news might just be the thing to cheer up his patient. Apparently not. "Well, you don't have to jump into anything Negg-related if you don't feel up to it," he reassured his counterpart warmly, causing both of their frowns to fade, "but I do still think you should go outside." It was at this point that Erick woke up from its midafternoon nap. Stretching out before jumping up from its circuit-board patterned petpet bed, the White Doglefox headed over to its owner. Dragging a purple leash alongside. "Excellent idea Erick!" Doctor Neggistential cheered, "you can take this little scamp out for a walk!"

     Topsi wasn't so sure.

     "But be warned," he laughed as his petpet jumped up and into his arms, "they can be a little boisterous!"

     Now Topsi definitely wasn't sure.

     -----

     The laughter of children filled the warm Spring air of the perfectly maintained parkland that stretched beyond the Neopian Plaza in the east of Neopia Central and towards the homes of many of its residents. Organised by the local Park Warden and funded by an... enthusiastic benefactor, an afternoon-long Negg Hunt was well under way. Youngsters from all around scrambled up pink and white blossoming trees, through the flowering grasses and along the cobbled paths with little wicker baskets in paw to find the miniature chocolate Neggs that often were hidden in plain sight. As cheers rang out with every discovery made, even younger pets busied themselves feeding the local Mallards in the ornamental lake alongside their parents. A waterway Topsi couldn't help but stare at.

     His reflection caught his eye. Though as it danced on the rippling surface, undulating back and forth thanks to Erick's persistent prodding of the water's edge, he wasn't sure that he recognised it anymore. The Pink Cybunny sighed softly, his processor too caught up in his own thoughts to notice the group of elated youngsters running past him with their newly found treasures. He had been this way for some time. And not because he had been stuck in Doctor Neggistential's Laboratory for too long. He just... wasn't happy. His Dad had been happy. His Dad was always happy. He had been a professional clown. He lived for putting a smile on other pets' faces. Growing up, that's what Topsi wanted to do. To be just like his father - except instead of making pets happy with silly jokes... it was with Neggs.

     But.

     That was a lie.

     It was ALL a lie.

     All of his memories, all of his sense of self, everything. Programmed by Dr Sloth or one of his many minions into giving him some saccharine backstory that hid his true purpose - to hunt down and destroy the Space Faerie. Pretty much the exact opposite of making pets happy. He was struggling to reconcile it all. He wasn't sure he would ever be able to. He just... wasn't sure of anything anymore. Another sigh escaped him. Despite requesting Doctor Neggistential to run yet another round of tests, he knew deep down in his CPU that that was the real reason why he just wasn't physically feeling quite right. But he was too scared to mention any of this to the Yellow Blumaroo. Just in case he had a more... practical solution to his woes.

     Erick growled at an approaching Mallard. Only for the frightened petpet to wail... like a Wocky? Whatever the sound, it was enough to scare the White Doglefox. Bolting down the cobbled path dragging the bewildered Pink Cybunny along for the journey, Topsi tried to pull on its purple leash to no avail. Catching an enticing scent on the air, the petpet suddenly banked right towards the mostly empty picnic area before diving head first into an oversized Neggy Custard Pie. Landing in a pile on the pink plaid picnic blanket below, its Petpetsitter woozily sat up before spotting the mess that was being made. "Oh no!" he whelped, trying and failing to pull his charge from the pastry tin as chunks of crust flew by in every direction, "I-I'm so sorry!! I-"

     "Wait, aren't you..." the pie's owner piped up, "...Topsi?"

     The Pink Cybunny froze.

     "THE Topsi?" she gasped.

     "Yeah..." he winced, slowly looking upwards to the source of the voice.

     Sat on the opposite end of the picnic blanket, seemingly completely unfazed by the mess the White Doglefox had made of her dessert, was a Green Grarrl rocking the most fantastically colour coordinated outfit he had seen in some time. A pale pink and cream sundress complete with a deep pink bow complimented a similarly hued sunhat adorned with what appeared to be... White Cybunny ears? It wasn't that accessory though that Topsi found the most surprising. No, that would be her friendly smile. "...Y-You're not running away?" he almost whispered, surprised by her reaction. One of the reasons he had been so reluctant to leave Doctor Neggistential's Laboratory was his fear that the Neopian public might not be particularly forgiving of his katana-wielding antics.

     "Of course not, silly!" she giggled, clapping her white gloved hands together.

     He furrowed his brow. "But... you know who I am?"

     "Ooo, yes," the picnicker enthused, her smile refusing to fade, "I read all about you in Negg Collectors Monthly!" It was the Green Grarrl's favourite publication - a fanzine published by Zaira herself covering the latest trends in Negg Collecting, detailing famous Neopian Negg Collectors and more. (She had even featured on the cover herself in times gone by.) A million questions flooded her mind all at once. She couldn't believe her luck that the Pink Cybunny was in her presence! Which caused her to gasp again. "Where are my manners?" she laughed again, this time though with a hint of embarrassment, "Do you want a cup of tea?" Her query caught her new guest slightly by surprise. "It's Pink Negg flavoured!"

     "Um, yes?" he stumbled, second-guessing whether he could drink liquids being a robot and all. As he watched his host pour out a serving from her flask into a pair of pink porcelain tea cups, Topsi realised that he was overthinking it. He'd spent his entire creation drinking mostly tea. He'd be fine. Probably. "Thank you," he responded as he was handed his drink and a saucer before taking an admittedly tentative sip. And raising both of his eyebrows. "Oh, wow," he mumbled, taking another, "it's really nice."

     "It's my own special blend," grinned the Green Grarrl, "I'm glad you like it!" Taking a soothing sip herself, she couldn't help but cast her deep pink eyes over all of the excited youngsters still running amok amongst the bluebells. And their exhausted parents trying to keep an eye on them. "I don't think I've seen you in the Park before," she noted, gently placing her cup back onto the saucer in her opposite white gloved hand, "have you come to join in the celebrations?" It was her favourite time of the year. The warm weather. The blooming flowers. The ripening Neggs. The picnicker often found herself travelling to every park and public garden from Neopia Central to Altador and back just to enjoy the season. And host Negg Hunts for any Warden that was interested.

     The Pink Cybunny placed his own cup and saucer down onto the picnic blanket. "No... I..." he trailed off melancholically, catching his host off guard, before sighing, "I came to clear my head."

     "Do you mind," she asked, concerned, "if I ask what of?"

     A wry half-smile appeared on Topsi's face as his pastel pink eyes fell on Erick, who having finished off the entirety of the Neggy Custard Pie was on the verge of falling asleep. The White Doglefox yawned one last time before curling up into a ball amongst the pastry crumbs. "It's fine," he replied softly, "I mean... if you've heard of me then you're bound to know that..." He formed a fist before knocking on the side of his head, causing a dull metallic sound to ring out from beneath his fake pink fur. "...I'm not exactly what I appear to be."

     An understanding smile replaced the Green Grarrl's momentary look of concern. Oh, was that all? She had read all about his mechanical rampage in Zaira's fanzine. Admittedly, she found some of the purported photographs that accompanied the articles to be a bit... unbelievable but she trusted the Faerie's journalistic integrity so they must've been real. Either way, the Pink Cybunny was looking much weller and that was the main thing. The fact that he was actually a robot didn't really bother her. Neopia was full of Robot Neopets. Topsi being one too wasn't that out there. Certainly no more so than a Grarrl that liked to tear up the dance floor at a moment's notice. "Are any of us though?" she attempted to reassure him, "No-pet is ever quite what meets the eye."

     He frowned, eyes shifting to his unfinished Cup of Pink Negg Tea. "Pretty sure no other pet was built in a Lab specifically to hunt down and destroy the Space Faerie though."

     It was his host's turn to frown, however slightly. "Is that what's bothering you?" she pried as carefully as she could, "That you could've hurt Mira?"

     Topsi silently shook his head. From what Doctor Neggistential had told him, the likelihood of him actually managing to hurt the Space Faerie was pretty remote. She was arguably the most powerful Faerie in the galaxy after all. As far as the Yellow Blumaroo could tell, this particular scheme from the not-so-good Dr was more of a flight of fancy (inspired by his favourite video game) that could work than anything particularly well thought out. (Much to Mira's apparent amusement.) "I just..." With the Pink Cybunny being the one left to pick up the pieces. "...don't know who I am, anymore." He sighed. "Everything I thought I knew... about myself... about everything... was just a bunch of ones and zeroes programmed by Dr Sloth... or even just a minion of his!" Vocal software faltering. "I mean... do I even like Neggs?" He flung out his arms. "Or do I just like Neggs because Dr Sloth told me to?!"

     As Erick stirred in its sleep, the Pink Cybunny put his hand over his mouth. "Sorry," he apologised for shouting, a sympathetic smile still filling the Green Grarrl's face. Instead of feeling better for getting everything off of his processor, he felt much worse. "I-I've made enough of a mess of your afternoon," he mumbled, gently picking up the White Doglefox without waking the petpet from its slumber, "I'll get out of your scales." Before slowly standing up. "Have a great rest of your d-"

     "No, stay!" insisted the picnicker, inadvertently mimicking an Ukali.

     Much to her guest's surprise. Carefully returning his snoozing charge to its pile of crumbs before sitting back down on the pink plaid picnic blanket, Topsi watched as his host's expression quickly reverted back to its naturally happy state. With his RAM only mostly intact, he was unable to name the date that he last made somepet happy. He did know that it felt almost a lifetime ago, however.

     "Look..." the Green Grarrl spoke softly, putting her own Cup of Pink Negg Tea and its saucer down onto the fabric below, "...I'm not a robot. I wasn't made in a Lab or anything like that. I'm afraid I'm just a fabulously plain ole Green Grarrl." She giggled. "But... I love Neggs, just like you." The Pink Cybunny listened intently. "I love Neggs because they make me happy." She smiled. "And because I can make other pets happy with them." Her words were interrupted by the latest outbreak of cheering from the miniature treasure hunters lurking in the long grass. Causing her to grin. "I don't remember when I fell in love with them though, I just always have. Maybe I'm just programmed that way too." Grin fading, she ended, "All I can ask is... do they make you happy?"

     Topsi crossed his arms. And thought. Deeply.

     "...Yeah," he responded, after a few moments, "I... I guess they do."

     She picked her drink back up. "At the end of the day, isn't that the only thing that really matters?"

     The light in the Pink Cybunny's pastel pink eyes returned. She wasn't... wrong. He had been down the metaphorical Symol Hole more than once. Whether - since he was a robot - any of his emotions were real. And if they weren't, did they matter? Did ANYTHING matter? It hadn't been a pleasant place to be. But... they were real to him. He felt happy. And it felt good. He wanted to be happy. And Neggs made him happy. Who cared if it was Sloth's fault or not? (And if it was, it was probably the only happiness he had ever spread!) For the first time in a long time, Topsi smiled. A proper smile. "Thanks," he responded before a wave of embarrassment flooded over him, "...uh??" He definitely felt that.

     "Rosie," the Green Grarrl laughed, "my name is Rosie."

     "Rosie!" he cheered, grabbing his drink.

     The duo happily clinked their Cups of Pink Negg Tea together as the Negg Hunt continued.

      The End.