Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown

          Yes, we’re talking about Queen Fyora, Supreme Ruler of Faerieland, Keeper of the Hidden Tower, Protector of Peace, and – by her own admission – “basically the only one who knows how to refill the paper in the royal copier.”

          We caught up with Fyora in her castle’s solarium, where the light is soft, the lavender cushions are plush, and the Queen herself looks like she’s about five minutes away from yelling into a pillow. She begins by telling your intrepid reporters, “You know, in many ways, I don’t even run a kingdom. I run a daycare with wings!”

          After greeting us with a gracious nod and a cup of Fyora Day Fizz – so on brand! – and a plate of Strawberry Cloud Cookies, Fyora gets straight to the point of why she asked us here today. It seemed like she had quite a bit she wanted to get off her lavender bedecked chest.

          “People think being Queen is just about silly things like lounging on clouds and blessing Neopets with sparkles. I WISH it was that easy! I’ve got Earth Faeries arguing about the appropriate mushroom zoning laws, Light Faeries demanding more ‘natural lighting’ for their tower – they practically live inside the sun already, for Fyora’s sake! – and every week, a new proposal for something ridiculous like a Cloudtop Petpet Theme Park ends up on my desk. One of those proposals had rollercoasters made of living Meepits. That doesn’t even make any logistical or ethical sense!”

          The beleaguered queen sighed heavily and rubbed her temples, saying, “No one tells you that the real Faerie Queen job is 70% paperwork, 20% diplomacy, and 10% trying not to throttle Jhudora when she’s acting out AGAIN.”

          When your industrious reporters asked if she delegates any of her duties, Fyora gave us a look so sharp it could slice through a Snowager’s hoard.

          “Oh yes,” she says dryly. “I tried once. Left Baelia in charge for a weekend while I went to the Altador Cup. Came back to find Faerieland halfway sunken again, Jhudora tried to form a new Ministry of Darkness without my approval – what even would that be, she’s the only dark faerie allowed in here anyway, and someone had filled the Healing Springs with bubble tea. And did you ever hear about the time someone suggested hiring castle interns? The last one tried to organize a Faerie Queen meet-and-greet on Mystery Island, like I’m an influencer or something! I had to explain that I can’t just ‘pop over’ for a Coconut Cocktail and a selfie, Karen. It feels like my tiara is basically just duct-taped on at this point.”

          As the face of Faerieland, Fyora is expected to exude grace, glamour, and a deep understanding of Neopian politics. She’s also expected to never age, never complain, and definitely never trip over her own gown in front of King Altador. “I once hiccuped during a speech,” she tells us. “And the next day, there was a headline that read ‘IS QUEEN FYORA CURSED?’ in bright pink letters. “No, silly, I just had a fizzy Festive Faerie Fizz before the ceremony. Calm down, it’s not that serious!” Adjusting her tiara, we catch Fyora muttering under her breath, “I haven’t had a single day off since Y3.”

          Naturally, the conversation takes a shift to everyone’s favourite purple problem child: Jhudora. “Don’t even say her name too loudly or she’ll materialise in a puff of grape-scented smoke,” Fyora sighs. “She keeps sending me enchanted letters that scream when I open them. I had to start wearing noise-cancelling earmuffs just to check my mail.” And about those infamous “Jhudora Day Pranks” that are so popular? Fyora tells us that “she once replaced all the portraits of me in the castle with pictures of herself in my outfit. Which, by the way, she looked absolutely awful in. Lavender is not her colour – clashed with her skin a bit and made it look sallow. And no, I’m not just saying that because lavender is my thing!”

          We asked the gracious Faerie Queen if she has ever retaliated? She sniffs, “Oh please. Do I look like I have time for petty faerie feuds?” She pauses. “Now, that being said, I may have enchanted her bluff to smell faintly of Illusen’s shampoo. She hasn’t figured it out yet, but she’s been in a bit of a mood ever since. I don’t know if she’ll ever solve that one, much less that it was me!” A smile as wicked as Jhudora briefly flashes across Fyora’s face.

          As she scrolls through her enchanted message crystal (like a judgmental version of a magical smartphone), Fyora starts to rattle off the incidents she’s handled in the last 24 hours: “A rogue Air Faerie caused a tornado at the Poogle Races. Again.. Oh, and an attempt to automate one of the Faerie City shopkeepers with a robot Grundo went incredibly poorly. I don’t even know where they think of these things!... And someone tried to summon a second Snowager for ‘storage purposes’… TO STORE WHAT?? It’s nearly impossible to get anything away from that snake as-is!”

          Sighing heavily, she tells us, “Who knew being royalty meant 3 hours of sleep and 14 magical crises a day?” Dabbing her eyes with a lavender tissue, Fyora says, “I haven’t slept properly since the Faeries’ Ruin. Every time I close my eyes, I hear Kaia muttering something cryptic and my inbox dinging.”

          At this point, we had to ask the clearly burdened Faerie Queen the obvious question: Why keep doing it? Why not retire?

          Fyora’s answer is immediate. “You know, I’ve asked myself that. More than once. But then I remember the little things, like the joy on a Neopet’s face when they visit the Rainbow Fountain. The Healing Springs Faerie doing her little sparkle hands when she cures a Pet. Even the thrill of catching Jhudora hiding behind a shrub with a smoke bomb cannon.”

          A warm, genuine smile spreads across her face, for the first time all interview. It's truly a sight to behold. “Faerieland really is magical. Not because of me specifically, but because of what we’ve all made together. Yes, it’s chaotic. Yes, I’ve stress-eaten more Vanilla Faellie Cakes than I care to admit. But if being Faerie Queen means keeping this world spinning, then I’ll keep duct-taping my tiara on and getting it done, even it’s a truly unimaginable amount of paperwork and nonsense every day.”

          As we’re escorted out of the castle by a hovering Kougra guard in polished pink armour, we can’t help but admire the glittering pink and purple kingdom we just left behind.

          So next time you're visiting Faerieland without a care in the world, maybe send a little appreciation the Queen’s way. Or at least stop asking her why Naia hasn’t given you a Fountain Faerie Quest recently every five minutes! Fyora has a lot on her plate!

     The End.