A Sloth Fan's Cake Reviews

     I know right! Me! Would you believe it if I were to tell you that I have been rewarded for my journalism already? How many issues has it been so far? I personally have lost count. Anyway, do you remember a couple of editions ago when my focus of this now esteemed publication was the inspiring and beyond description Sloth Day Burgers? Well, it turns out that word got around amongst the Shopkeepers of Neopia Central - all of them - and The Bread Maker aka The Blue Bakery Kacheek (who is currently Grey but the least said about that the better, it’s not the focus right now and I need to focus!) got in touch with lil’ ‘ol me.

     Here’s the story so far. Yesterday morning, I was fetching the post from the doormat for Mum and there was a letter addressed to yours truly, SlothFan127. It was an invitation to the Bakery to taste test and write up an article about the range of Sloth Cakes that they have in their inventory. And you know me: Sloth - tick - I’m down for anything (and I mean anything) Sloth themed. Then cake - also tick! Sign me up immediately. Then hold me back. Then let me actually go because this is an opportunity designed for me. Also I’m a hungry fellow.

     Furthermore, I’m not the sort of author to turn down an opportunity for stellar journalism like this either, and as for it being my first sponsored content, I jumped at the chance. Free food - and Sloth-themed food at that! - how fast can I be there and how long will it last?! So, to prepare myself I donned my favourite I Love Sloth T-shirt, plucked my notebook and pen from my desk, threw them into my satchel and set off to the Bazaar. Do you, dear readers, want to know how excited I was for this? I even considered skipping breakfast!

     Before I left I also grabbed my Gargaroxs Lunchbox and stowed it in the basket on my bike. You see, I’m a forward-thinking individual and I imagined that there might be more food than I could sensibly eat in one sitting; I’m prepared for leftovers. Cycling from home to the Bazaar went in a blur and soon I was clambering off my bike and resting it up against the outer wall of the Bakery.

     I pushed open the door, heard the gentle tinkle of the bell, and breathed in the welcoming aroma of bread, pastry and icing sugar. I could get used to this. Behind the counter was our host for the day, who welcomed me in and gestured at his display.

     Laid out on a side table, just for me, were a veritable rainbow of domed cakes. They were labelled thus: Cheesy Sloth Cake, Grape Sloth Cake, Orange Sloth Cake and Radioactive Sloth Cake. Each of them was adorned with a tiny, but accurate, Sloth statuette, holding a quite perfect red flag with an S insignia. Exquisite!

     Thusly, as you have come to expect from me, I shall use my journalistic integrity and a dash of appropriate Sloth-Appreciation and recount to you in glorious detail the delicious experience that was to follow.

     I swiftly noticed that at the table bearing the cakes there was also a chair, a plate accompanied by a rather fancy looking set of silver cutlery, an unwieldy looking knife (presumably for generating a slice of cake rather than me just digging right into them) and a welcoming Jug of Fresh Phearade.

     Let me assure you that my mouth was watering in anticipation. I placed my satchel under the table, took my seat - almost but not entirely forgetting that I was somewhat on display here at the side of the Bakery as other Neopians milled in and out haggling for their daily sustenance - and poured myself a drink.

     Before sampling, I took it upon myself to inspect every element of these cakes as I truly wanted to savour this opportunity. So, I took the first miniature Sloth from the cake nearest me to give a much closer once-over. This mini model was either made from glorious plastic or extremely well sculpted dried out and solid icing - that would, I imagine (because I did not try), crack your teeth. Hardness of the material aside, the actual design of the miniature Doctor Sloth was something to behold. You see, they have captured his worthy essence, his pallid green complexion, his swarthy demeanour, his billowing cape and his not-quite-hair in a manner that goes beyond what you might expect on a cake topper. I feel like perhaps the designer of this piece might be a Kreludonian. I took a napkin, wiped off the purple icing from the statuette’s feet and slipped it into my pocket.

     The label accompanying this cake read Grape - a good start I surmised and took the knife to cut a chunk to try. Slipping through the bright purple cratered icing with ease, I was able to serve myself my first slice of Sloth Cake. Looking at the uneven crater-like appearance of the cake’s surface, one might mistake it for Kreludor’s actual surface…

     Inside the dome of icing, which was a firm outer sculpted layer, was a thin layer of butter icing. Beneath that a dome of supporting cake which sat upon a huge, thick creamy layer. The lower half of the cake was a jam-filled sponge. The jam layer I noticed was purple, not quite as bright as the outer icing but enough to signal to me that this might be the location and inspiration for the grape part of the cake’s name. This did make me wonder about the future cakes and at that point I noted down in my book: Orange = Marmalade? Cheese = Cream Cheese? Radioactive = ??

     I would have to wait and see, though, as first I needed to taste-test the one I had plated up for myself already. Using the fork provided, because let’s not kid ourselves, there was no time like the present to be fancy. I cut down through the very point of the slice of cake, making sure to get a bit of each layer.

     The verdict? You’ve been patient enough, dear readers. It was, downright and downleft, a great cake. Bang on-the-Neopoints. I would eat this cake for pudding after tea any day. The thing is, I knew that I could have eaten so much more of this slice, this cake in fact. But the others were also sitting there waiting for me. Not one to be cautious, I decided to take a slice into each of the other three remaining cakes and load them onto my plate.

     Visually similar, it was just the colours that differed at first glance. But then I noticed the texture of the ‘jam’ section in the Cheesy Sloth Cake; rather than the soft cream cheese filling that I had anticipated, there was a solid block of (what was revealed to my tasting) Cheese Jelly. By jelly I mean the wobbly dessert kind, not the one equivalent to jam that is used for toast. Peculiar to say the least. And not one to ever really say the least, I shall go on. You see, it thematically made sense for the cake, it looked the part and smelled the part - but it wasn’t to my own preference and therefore I would rate it the lowest of the set. I was right about the Orange one, sporting marmalade in the middle; there was also an orange essence to the sponge cake within that one too.

     Finally was the much anticipated Radioactive Sloth Cake… one that, when the crowds in the Bakery were at their lowest, you could hear humming and feel heat radiating out from. You see, I said they were visually similar, but the other senses were attacked by this cake. I wasn’t sure about the safety of my personage if I sampled this one. But then what sort of Newsletter writer do you take me for? A coward? To carry out due diligence, I did take a bite. The flavour was some kind of mix between a gone-off lime and the feeling of waking up near the end of a long car journey. Beware of traps that may lie within said cake.

     It was as if the Bakery Kacheek had noticed the unusual effects of this final cake on my bearing and at this point he swooped in, to check on me and ask me a fairly astute set of questions. I assured him that I would be giving him a fair and detailed write-up in my Newsletter (that which you are reading, of course) and that I had thoroughly enjoyed my experience that day.

     So there you have it, dear readers - my first ever sponsored content! What did you think? Was it all you could ask for and more? Would you, in fact, read many more of these reviews? Should I seek out other Sponsorship opportunities to share with you? Do you feel I was unbiased and honest? Do you feel that my overwhelming admiration for Doctor Sloth might have clouded my judgement!?

     Well, you can let me know, you know - fanmail is welcomed in any format!

     I might catch you soon, fellow Sloth Fans, or I might not. We'll see.

     This has been, once again, SlothFan127. Signing off.