| Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... |
Circulation: 193,626,794 |
Issue: 703 | 16th day of Collecting, Y17 |
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New Series
 | And Then There Was Silence: Part One"Though he couldn't turn from the light, the loss of his love broke him. His heart grew cold and he learned the arts of death. When he was encountered again, he had changed from a warm person into a ruthless assassin." -Unknown author, The Nameless Assassin, text found in the Rathbone Family Crypts, circa Y7
by theschizophrenicpunk |
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Headlines
"You Had One Job" by quanticdreams
Jhudora? Jhudora, I am here. I am speaking directly into your left ear, and you do not notice. I should tell you these things in a perceivable form, but I imagine you would be very upset to find I have been living in your house. I remain in the shadows. That’s the name the flesh have given me. The Shadow Usul, they whisper. They are wrong, but I do not object. But this isn’t about me. This is about you.
Listen, Jhudora, do you really want to live your life like this? Stumbling through a hazy stupor and over hoards and hoards of useless junk? Sometimes, as I lurk in the back of your closet, your tacky, fake fingernails almost brush my fur as you reach for one of those identical gowns on your way to return to a dead-end life.
Do you know how many bugs live in your house, Jhudora? I do. I gave every one a name, and I tell them where to lay their eggs. So do not get on my bad side, because my fury is vast and dark and expressed in a smashed dresser in your pile of junk in the woods! You’ll never find it, though. You never go back there, not all the way.
I can’t find a pattern to anything in that stupid pile. Overturned smoothies, moth-eaten plushies. It’s a mess back here. Some places I can’t even go in because of the stench. I don’t even have a nose. How did you do that? You had one job! You somehow managed to screw it up!
Other Stories
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 700 Weewoos
"Maybe letting out 700 Weewoos wasn't such a good idea." I said, trying to make it sound like it was no big deal.
by sparkleeze |
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 You Had One Job
But what’s with the herbs? You literally eat out every night; the most I’ve seen you cook is toast, and it’s never even very good toast, and yet now you’re buying exotic herbs and- are you chopping those herbs, Jhudora? You have multiple greasy Shenkuuvian takeout boxes from that place with the peeling pink paint and yet here you are cooking. That doesn’t seem like you, Jhudora.
by quanticdreams |
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 The New Restocking System Explained
Shops used to keep the same old junk in stock forever, taking up the four rows so nothing good could restock. Therefore, people would spend their hard-earned Neopoints on garbage to deliberately make space so good items could stock. This was deemed a problem, and the auto-clear system was born.
by _brainchild_ |
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 The Greatest Game Ever Played (Probably)
I feel like I owe you all something a bit personal, deeper—some sort of reflection on myself as your fellow Neopian, y'know?
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Month of Hiding, Day 24, Y15, 9:20 AM. If I was ever awake this early, it was because I'd already been up all night and I still wasn't ready to surrender to my brain's aggressive melatonin assault.
by 4zure |
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