A History of Neopia's Sporting Tradition by the Techo Fanatic

     For Yooyuball superfans like myself, the excruciatingly long offseason begins, where we anxiously await until next year’s edition of Neopia’s premier sporting event. However, this year, the wait for our favourite teams to return to the pitch will be even more excruciating as this year's Cup has been cancelled due to the dreaded "Grey Curse" sweeping Neopia. *shudders*

     Instead of twiddling your thumbs, the eleven-month wait until next year’s Altador Cup presents an opportunity to channel your enthusiasm for competition into one of Neopia’s many other sporting traditions. The lands in Neopia are incredibly unique, and, as a result, the sporting experiences that they offer spectators are incredibly distinct.

     Luckily for you, over the years, I have curated a list of some of the best sporting events in Neopia year-round. Hopefully these can help hold you over until next year’s Yooyuball Showdown begins!

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     Poogle Races

     Did you know that the sport of Poogle Racing is older than New Faerieland itself? Yes, before Neopia’s ‘City in the Clouds’ fell from the sky, Poogle Racing events were held on a racetrack situated atop the lavender clouds of Old Faerieland. Nowadays, Poogle Races are held in the grassy meadows just outside of the New Faerie City.

     What is Poogle Racing? Poogle Racing is quite similar to the one hundred meter dash. In each race, five Poogles line up, and the first one to cross the finish line wins! Historically, Poogle One has been the fastest, quickest, and most agile Poogle around. However, with the shift in surfaces, from the bouncy clouds of Old Faerieland to the rugged terrain of New Faerieland, Poogle Two has been more consistently able to deliver an upset.

     A lot of Neopians like to bet on the outcome of the race, and I hear that there’s an avatar you can unlock if your chosen Poogle wins the race! However, you don’t need to place a bet in order to enjoy the races. Trust me, you'll leap out of your seat once the referee says, “Go!” and cheer on the whole lot of them as they dash towards the finish line!

     Food Club

     What if I told you that Neopia’s most lucrative sporting event was an eating contest? Hosted inside Warf Wharf’s messiest dining hall, Food Club has been making Neopians rich for decades.

     Essentially, the competition pits twenty hungry (and unruly) pirates against each other in a race to finish a ten-course meal. Spectators have the chance to bet on which specific pirates they think will emerge victorious.

     Betting on Food Club is somewhat of a science. Bookies and oddsmakers take all kinds of factors into account when calculating the day's odds, ranging from the size and weight of competitors to their individual food preferences. For example, Gooblah the Grarrl, one of the largest competitors, loves to eat meat, but he is deadly allergic to slushies.

     So who do I like to bet on? Well, ever since the ‘Chairman with Way Too Long a Title’ bestowed upon me lifetime access to all Altador Cup-related events, I no longer need to strike it rich in order to have fun. Instead, I like to sit in the front row (known as the ‘splash zone’) so that I can cheer the pirates on as they scarf down their meals. If you’re really lucky, you may even witness a food fight!

     Lost City Lanes

     There isn’t much to do in Geraptiku other than paying a visit to the Deserted Tomb. In order to pass the time, the city’s few inhabitants, mainly petpets, enjoy partaking in the sport of bowling.

     Said to be invented by an entrepreneurial Lizard, the Geraptiku bowling competitions are hosted at Lost City Lanes and can get quite intense! Last Spring, I saw a nailbiter matchup between a Chuchuana and a Quetzal. Tied in the tenth frame, the pair continued to bowl for ten additional frames before the Quetzal emerged victorious.

     My favourite part about the Lost City Lanes is the up-close vantage point the venue offers spectators. You can practically reach out and touch the bowling balls as they barrel down the lane. If you’re brave enough, you can snag a birds-eye view of the competition from atop the Deserted Tomb. Just make sure you don’t step on any hidden traps—don’t say I didn’t warn ‘ya!

     Cheeseroller

     Meridell is rich in sporting tradition. From Turdle Races to ‘Ultimate Bullseye’ archery competitions, there is no shortage of sport in the Grumpy Old King’s kingdom. My favourite competition to enjoy as a spectator is Cheeseroller.

     In Cheeseroller, contestants must race down an incredibly steep hill along with their preferred variety of cheese. All contestants who cross the finish line with their respective cheeses in sixty seconds or less get to keep their cheeses. Only the fastest Neopian to cross the finish line is named Cheeseroller Champion!

     You can find Meridell’s Cheeseroller Hill by venturing just past Illusen’s Glade. I prefer to watch the competition from atop the hill so as to avoid any errant cheese (or competitors for that matter) from bouncing into me.

     I recall one year where King Skarl himself braved the cheeseroller hill. He started off strong, but in a matter of seconds he slipped and somersaulted down the slope’s nearly ninety-degree incline. Needless to say, he finished first but couldn’t halt his momentum before tumbling directly into the Turmaculus’ mouth! Luckily the oversized Turmac quickly spat him out—I guess that’s what happens when you snack on too many Rotten Tomatoes from the Rubbish Dump in nearby Meri Acres Farms…

     Annual Happy Valley Skating Competition

     This list would not be complete if I didn’t include the Annual Happy Valley Skating Competition.

     Just like your regular, run-of-the-mill figure skating contest, competitors must gracefully execute gravity-defying maneuvers, like the double Salchow, triple Lutz, and even the quadruple axel. However, in this competition, the athletes must do so all while skating on thin ice!

     Yes, you heard me correctly—thin ice! It is no secret that the phenomenon of global warming has befallen the planet of Neopia. With global temperatures rising, even the winter wonderland that is Terror Mountain has been unable to maintain frigid temperatures year-round. Instead of halting tradition, the Skating Competition organizers have decided to up the ante and challenge athletes to skate around the thinner patches of ice that may emerge during the course of the competition.

     Worried about safety? To prepare for the competition, contestants have practiced by logging countless hours of ‘Rink Runner’.

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     Even though Yooyuball dominates Neopia during the summer, it isn’t the only form of sporting tradition that our diverse planet has to offer! The list I gave you only serves as a small sample of the variety of entertaining competitions you can check out. Whether you’re in the stands cheering on a tight Poogle Race or bundled up enjoying a dazzling display of figure skating perfection, just promise me one thing—Make Some Noise!