The Care and Keeping of Baby Neopets

     Well. You’d be surprised.

     Before you buy that Baby Paint Brush from Queen Fyora or try an aggressive course of Secret Lab Ray experimentation, make sure you brush up on these need-to-know facts about Baby Neopets.

     1. Baby Neopets may be hungrier than other Neopets.

     Be prepared for your new Baby Neopet to eat you out of house and home, because most of these cute little critters are hungrier than the Esophagor. Forget breakfast, lunch, and dinner; you’re looking at serving six to eight square meals a day. Hope you like cooking! (Or spending your Neopoints on takeout.)

     2. Baby Neopets don’t know the difference between night and day.

     As far as they’re concerned, it’s either “I’m tired” time or “I’m not tired” time. And “I’m tired” time might not happen as often as you’d like. And guess what? If your Baby Neopet is up during the night, you’ll be up, too. Time to invest in a Glowing Book.

     3. Baby Neopets don’t make great Battledome pets.

      Most Neopians feel guilty about putting a literal baby in battle, which definitely hinders those Battledome stats. However! If you can get past this, it certainly gives you an edge. Many Battledome challengers will think twice before striking too forcefully because—again—it’s a baby!

     4. Baby Neopets have more opinions than you’d expect.

     They may not wear the clothes you give them, eat the foods you serve them, or accept the petpets you carefully select and purchase. And if your Baby Neopet thinks it’s her right to ride the Roo Island Merry Go Round all day, every day, then by gum, that’s what she will demand.

     Sadly, babies don’t understand logic, so they can’t be reasoned with. Sometimes they can be bribed into doing what you want with a new toy or treat, but your mileage can and will vary.

     5. Baby Neopets need diaper changes.

     ‘Nuff said.

     6. Baby Neopets aren’t good communicators.

     A lot of Baby pets can’t talk. They just cry and scream. (The Baby Pteri, being an egg, says nothing at all.) Plus, you can forget about “please” and “thank you.” Once these babies do start talking, it’s a while before they get the hang of politeness. In the meantime, they basically expect you to do whatever they want whenever they want, and they get super mad and yell nonsense baby words at you if you don’t.

     7. Baby Neopets may get separation anxiety.

     Baby Neopets tend to get super attached to their owners. You can’t go for a little stroll around Neopian Plaza or pick berries at Meri Acres Farm without them tagging along. And while you can try to persuade your little one to stay home with your older pets, you’re more likely to trigger a tantrum of epic proportions.

     8. Baby Neopets like to eat sand.

     If you were thinking about a vacation in the Lost Desert or on Mystery Island, think again. All that lovely golden sand is going straight into your Baby pet’s gullet.

     9. Baby Neopets hate Grundos.

     The Gelert doctor did a study and found that nine out of 10 Baby Neopets cry when they see a Grundo. So if your Neohome is on Kreludor, that’s … not going to work.

     10. Baby Neopets constantly try to steal the Discarded Magical Blue Grundo Plushie of Prosperity.

     Did I say that Baby Neopets hate Grundos? They only hate live Grundos, apparently. Another study shows that when Baby pets stumble across the Discarded Magical Blue Grundo Plushie of Prosperity, 11 out of 10 try to take the plushie home with them.

     Yes, you read that right. 11 out of 10. So many babies try to take the DMGBPOP multiple times that it’s skewed the data.

     11. Baby Neopets get scared easily.

     Unless you want your Baby pet to constantly scream in terror, you should avoid taking them to the Haunted Woods, the Darigan Citadel, most of Moltara, the Snowager’s cave, Jhudora’s Bluff, Geraptiku, Krawk Island, and the tippy top of the Shenkuu mountains (because heights).

     12. Baby Neopets offend Jhudora.

     What? The wicked Dark Faerie doesn’t like babies? Who would’ve thought! On the flip side, Illusen loves babies—as long as they don’t pull on her wings.

     13. Baby Neopets are expensive.

     Forget about saving your Neopoints. The average Neopian can resist a baby, and chances are, you’ll be no different. With a Baby pet around, you’ll find yourself spending your money on cute outfits, adorable plushies, and yummy treats.

     14. Baby Neopets can’t read.

     Baby Neopets are still learning how to read books, so if they’re in the mood for a story, you’re on the hook. That’s fine if they’re in the mood for The Little Kacheek Book. It’s less fine if they want you to repeatedly read the Ultimate Space Chronicles Set.

     15. Baby Neopets can be picky eaters.

     Even if you give your Baby pet the finest Strawberries and Cream Baby Food in Neopia, there’s a good chance they won’t eat it. On particularly rough days, not even a Baby Elephante Milk Bottle or Ultra Nova Pop will tempt them.

     To add insult to injury, immediately after refusing whatever delicacy you offer, they’ll probably go off and devour a Half Eaten Dung Jelly. (And sand. I already mentioned the sand, right?) Yuck.

     16. Baby Neopets are tons of work, but they’re super rewarding.

     In between each taxing day and gruelling night, you can enjoy snuggles from your Baby pet. If you’re lucky, you might even get a sticky kiss or a mumbled, “I wuv you.” And when that happens, it makes everything worth it.

     You got all that? Good. If you understand what you’re getting yourself into and you still want a Baby Neopet, great. If not, maybe you should think of a different pet colour you’d like.

     Oh, now you want an Elderly Neopet instead? Well … those come with their challenges, too … but that’s a topic for another day.