A Palace Staffer’s Guide to Queen Amira

      Queen Amira is a benevolent and thoughtful ruler. She has never raised her voice, dismissed a guest unfairly, or spoken unkindly to any palace staffer. She is immaculate, observant, and capable of remembering which staffer once placed a cushion half an inch too far to the left… three years ago.

      The palace at Sakhmet functions on etiquette. The Queen herself is not demanding, but royalty creates precision simply by existing.

      The following guidelines have been assembled so that new staffers may complete a full day in the palace with confidence, dignity, and only minimal perspiration.

     Morning Tea Protocol

     I’ve worked here long enough to understand that Queen Amira is generous, fair, and considerate. This does not make preparing her morning routine any less stressful.

     The queen begins her day with tea on the eastern balcony because she enjoys the way her father’s—Great King Coltzan—shrine looks in the morning sun.

     The tea must be poured at a measured angle. Of course, this doesn’t affect the taste, but is purely for presentation.

      Another detail to make for a successful morning tea is making sure the teapot spout faces the queen. She will not say it aloud, but she likes to see what is going into her cup. This is historically significant as King Coltzan was poisoned. Try your best to pour silently.

     Avoid these catastrophic mistakes: clinking porcelain (it disrupts the loyal Anubis that sleeps on the balcony,) overfilling (cleaning while the queen is present is distasteful,) and asking if she prefers sugar (preferences are remembered.)

     If the queen says, “It is quite warm this morning,” she is not commenting on the tea, but kindly alerting you that the balcony cushions were placed in direct sunlight. Move them to the shade immediately.

     Queen Amira will always say thank you, even if mistakes are made. If she makes eye contact with you? Congratulations, you have performed a successful morning tea. If she doesn’t make eye contact, dismiss yourself quietly and try again tomorrow. The queen is fond of improvement.

     Understanding the Word “Interesting”

     Queen Amira never openly criticizes guests. She uses diplomatic language. The single most important word, “Interesting” has many meanings depending on context, tone, and delivery. Below is an interpretation chart put together by various staffers close to the queen.

     “How interesting.” = harmless curiosity.

     “Very interesting.” = mild concern.

     “Most interesting.” = immediate administrative meeting required.

      When the latter is spoken to ambassadors, traders, or traveling nobles, the staff must: quietly alert an advisor, delay dessert service, and contact the royal scribe for a prepared list of alternate conversation topics.

     Queen Amira herself always remains calm, but during a “most interesting” alert, the palace staff does not.

     Never Mention the Heat

     The Lost Desert is extremely hot, and we do not discuss this. It is considered inhospitable to complain about one’s own homeland and guests may feel embarrassed. Queen Amira herself never comments on discomfort, and in the presence of foreigners, she expects her palace staffers to act the same.

     The following are a few staff survival methods it is best to remember: strategic shade routes, cold water stations hidden within alcoves in the palace gardens, and standing with purpose next to a marble column.

     If a visiting Neopian remarks, “How do you live in this heat?” Within earshot of the queen, the correct response is, “The air is quite clear today.”

     An incorrect response would be anything truthful.

     The Thirty-Two Ceremonial Outfits

     Inventory is a sacred responsibility and Queen Amira possesses many ceremonial ensembles. A new outfit is required for various events including diplomatic audiences, seasonal celebrations, sandstorm observances, festival appearances, and visiting dignitary receptions.

     To name a few.

     Each outfit has specific jewelry, shoes, headpiece, and sash placement. Often times, there will be several outfit changes during the day. The honorable queen does not demand this—tradition does.

     It is a staffer’s fear to mislabel garment storage, as it happened—once—in Y18. It took an entire afternoon to re-label every correct jewel, necklace, slipper, veil, and dress. Since this, several senior attendants can identify the proper outfit solely on thread colour.

     When a Visiting Neopian Touches the Throne

     This will happen eventually. There is something mythic and undeniably royal about Queen Amira’s throne. The beautifully ornate throne built with gold and rare emerald, ruby, and diamond gems is the most priceless piece of furniture in the palace.

     During visits where the queen is hosting others, someone will disengage from the group to give the throne a good knock.

     Staff protocol is as follows: do not gasp and do not shout. Queen Amira will graciously redirect conversation as palace guards move calmy and staff repositions furniture, sanitizes the throne, and creates a distraction involving refreshments.

     The royal scribe will later write of this incident as, “A moment of enthusiastic curiosity.”

     The Palace Ghost Rumors

     The palace is ancient and historic. It is an architectural feat according to Lost Desert Architecture.

     Officially? There are no ghosts at Sakhmet Palace. Unofficially? Staffers avoid the west hallway after dusk.

     It is important to note that Queen Amira has never spoken of the rumors, so it is expected that her staffers do not acknowledge it either.

     You may, however, observe the following supernatural occurrences: footsteps pacing the upper balcony when no one is scheduled for patrol, doors opening several inches before politely closing again, curtains blowing in still air, and a lantern dimming as you pass and brightening when you leave.

     If you hear your name spoken in an empty hallway, continue walking at the same speed. Turning around suggests curiosity, and as Queen Amira will tell you: curiosity encourages activity.

     If Queen Amira chooses to walk the west hallway after dusk, you should accompany her calmly, even if lanterns extinguish, the air becomes cold, or something passes behind you that does not cast a shadow.

      Her Majesty does not hurry and neither will you.

     Night attendants sometimes report a figure near the archives. Guards report distant screams coming from empty dungeons. Stewards whisper table settings move on their own before a state dinner.

     Queen Amira has never commented on such matters and has never asked a staffer to investigate. Our reverent queen has never avoided one room, corridor, or balcony in the palace.

     Closing Remarks

     Working at Sakhmet Palace is stressful not because Queen Amira is difficult, but because she is dignified, kind, and worthy of care. What can be mistaken as nerves is simply staff loyalty to their queen.

     To work for Queen Amira is to spend every day attempting perfection for someone who never demands it, and thanking the celestial stars she always pretends not to notice when we fall slightly short.