The End of Neopia

     "Why, why why, do the Meepits keep bringing us into narrow tunnels filled with large, horrifying beasts?"

     "Oh, that hasn't happened yet, has it?" asked Boingus. "The Snowager is a good friend, and I think the Down For Maintenance Pteri could be one too. He seemed nice enough, and he seemed like he'd always be up for a good time! Where are the Meepits going this time?"

     "Look at them," said Larry. "They are headed straight to the Lair of the Beast."

     Boingus's face became as harsh and unmoving as the stones of the Tyrannian plateau around them. Larry had never seen this emotion from Boingus before, and wasn't until then sure if he was capable of it. "Oh no, that is not a fun place."

     "See, you agree!" said Larry.

     "Not just that," said Boingus. "I will never go in there. I am here in Neopia to have a good time. I had a friend decades ago who told me about it and tried to get me to go in. Nope. Never. That is not fun. Although…"

     "What?" asked Larry.

     "The Down For Maintenance Pteri said the missing Neopians are out there, and we must follow the Meepits," said Boingus. "If finding my friend means going into the Lair of the Beast, I think I could do it."

     Larry thought about it. He does remember, back in Year 26, there being an obscure reference at Halloween where an ancient Neopian believed the Lair Beast to be guarding something. The thought that this journey was coming to an end enlivened him. What is wrong with me? thought Larry. This isn't like me. Who am I becoming? He looked over to the steely resolve etched upon the countenance and Boingus and smiled.

     "Boingus, if you are willing to go, I am too," said Larry. "This journey has been a bit more excitement than I am used to, and maybe that is just what I needed. Let's see if we can find all of our old friends."

     They quickly traipsed across the plateau. No longer were any Meepits visible. All of them had marched into the Lair of the Beast. Larry and Boingus looked one another in the eyes, firmly clasped hands together, and passed through the entrance.

     A slow dripping of water filled their ears. Further along, brushing spider webs away, they came to a frayed rope hanging down from some higher part of the cave. Above, loud scratching echoed through the stones.

     "I'm too scared!" yelled Boingus, turning tail and bounding backwards, but Larry held firmly to him, and he dug his heels in and pulled him back.

     "I am here with you," said Larry. "Let's keep going." Larry grabbed onto the rope first.

     As they climbed, more roughly carved messages were written in the stones. This is the worst! I'm never coming back! Stop trying to hurt us! Their urgency spurred Larry and Boingus onward. At the top of the rope, the cave presented a narrow, dark hole surrounded by a wicked ring of stones jutting aggressively towards them. Hot, moist air blew on them from this hole, disconcertingly timed with the sounds of rasping breathing from a ginormous set of lungs.

     "Ready?" Larry asked.

     Boingus nodded. Larry squeezed Boingus's hand, and they charged together through this hole, screaming like the Highland Chia quenching his thirst for battle.

     And when they entered the hole, there was nothing. Not that there was an empty cavern, but there was nothing. There was no cavern to see. They looked down, and could not even see their own bodies. There was no sound; the rasping breathing had disappeared. Confused, Larry squeezed tighter to Boingus's hand (or what he imagined squeezing a hand would feel like, when there was no hand to grab) and pulled him back through the hole's opening (or whatever such action would require, if such a hole existed).

     When they re-emerged from the hole, they once again felt the warm, moist air of the beast's breath, and heard its harsh, restless breathing whistling against the sides of the rough stone walls.

     "Hmm, that was odd," said Larry.

     "Very odd, yes," said Boingus. He was staring straight ahead, his body overtaken by waves of paroxysmal shaking. "But, I did it."

     Larry wrapped his arm around Boingus's shoulder and turned him back to the entrance of the Lair of the Beast. "You did good, Boingus, I am proud of you. But, I am not sure what we are supposed to do next. Let's go back outside and regroup, and think about our next steps. You didn't see any Meepits in there, did you?"

     "Nope," squeaked Boingus, who then fell silent for the rest of the journey out of the cave.

     They were greeted by the bright, hot Tyrannian sun as they left the cave, and the squawking, mocking voice of the Down For Maintenance Pteri. He sat perched on the fossilized bones of some long deceased and mysterious creature, holding the meaty limb of another in one of his talons.

     "It looks like from your faces you found the Beast," said the Down For Maintenance Pteri. "Good job. Or, at least you found where the Beast is supposed to be."

     "What happened?" asked Larry.

     "You know a bit about it, Larry," said the Down For Maintenance Pteri. "Neopia is not currently how it is meant to be. You guys are going to help me fix it. Do you trust me now? I know you can't see the Lair Beast right now, but he is there. Don't let it ruffle your feathers. Here. You just need a bit of help to see him. Take these glasses."

     From beneath his wings he produced a pair of spectacles for both of them. Boingus placed his on, and looked at Larry. "Very cool," he said, though as of yet, nothing looked different.

     "How are we going to help you?" Larry asked, cautiously putting on his glasses.

     "Your friends are, as I am sure you have surmised, being kept captive by the Lair Beast," said the Down For Maintenance Pteri. "I can't fit in the narrow opening to his lair. But if you draw him out, I will be waiting here for him. I can subdue him while you free his captives."

     "These captives, these are the same ones who disappeared decades ago?" asked Larry.

     "The very same," said the Down For Maintenance Pteri.

     "Why did it take you so long to do this? If you knew they were there, why didn't you come get us to come free them?" Larry challenged.

     "Why did it take so many decades for you and Boingus to find one another?" asked the Pteri. "Sometimes these things just take time. Besides, if I came to you myself, what would you have done? Waited and listened patiently to my pitch, or ran away? You needed Boingus to push you, literally, to go off the beaten path so that we could meet. Now," continued the Pteri, "are you willing to do this? I promise you won't be in any real danger. Not for too long, anyway. Once you exit the lair, I will be there to protect you."

     Larry looked to Boingus. "We came this far," said Boingus, "and we already made it out of the cave once. Now that we have these glasses, we should be able to ruffle his feathers, or whatever the Down For Maintenance Pteri said. With you by my side, I say let's do it!"

      A few final preparations were made, with the Down For Maintenance Pteri perching above the entrance to the lair, and the adventurers planning their egress after making it back onto the plateau, and then they were ready. As they started in, the Pteri called after them, giving one more warning.

      "And remember," he said. "If the Lair Beast says anything, don't believe him. He should be called the Liar Beast, am I right?"

     In a flash, they were back in the Lair of the Beast, past the dripping water, up the frayed rope, and into the hot, breathing hole. Suddenly,

      "BRRAAAAAAAAAWK!" The terrifying Lair Beast screamed and thrashed!

      "AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Boingus screamed and thrashed back even louder! He then turned tail, Larry tight behind him, and sprinted out of the lair. The fearsome beast scratched and clawed after them, dragging his ginormous body through the narrow tunnel. As they neared the light of the entrance, they dove to the left, narrowly avoiding a snap from the beast's massive jaws.

      And just as planned, the surprisingly faithful fowl latched onto the back of the beast with sharp talons as he left the cave. They wrestled upon the flat of the plateau, kicking up dust and feathers and creating an awful cacophony.

      "I do say," intoned the Lair Beast. "This is treason!"

     The Lair Beast gained a reprieve from the steely grip of the Pteri for just the moment needed to take to his wings and flee, but the Down For Maintenance Pteri took off right behind him. The two two giant beasts flew off into the skies of Tyrannia, their squawking and hissing echoing as they went.

      "Are you ok?" asked Boingus, turning to Larry.

      "Yes, it seems all my parts are still here," said Larry brushing himself off. "Now let's go find those Neopians."

      But before he even finished those words, the sounds of many footsteps shuffling along the gravel arose from the lair's entrance. Many Neopians, bleary-eyed from their long confinement in the subterranean prison, strode out into the light.

      "Ugh, this is the worst," said a Blue Cybunny. "It's way too bright."

      "Things were way better before," said a Royal Boy Kyrii. "Look at this place. Is this supposed to be Tyrannia?"

      An Orange Draik stormed angrily over to Boingus and Larry, sparks shooting from his nostrils. "Did you guys even think to ask us before updating our situation? We didn't want this."

      "Um…" said Larry, with nothing else to say. Beside him, the large, hulking shape of the Down For Maintenance Pteri cast a shadow as he landed, apparently having finished the job of dispatching the Lair Beast.

      "Heh heh," laughed the Down For Maintenance Pteri, a manic glee flashing through his red eyes. "They are great, aren't they?"

      "What is wrong with them?" asked Larry.

      "Wrong?" asked the Down For Maintenance Pteri. "That is just how they are. They complain about everything. That is why they were locked away, to protect you from them. It started many decades ago, as just a few small voices. It was manageable. But then it got out of hand. Neopia couldn't function in such a negative, un-fun environment. That's just not how this works. And so they started being placed under the guardianship of the Lair of the Beast, trying to protect the rest of Neopia from succumbing to the infection. But it got so bad, so quickly, and suddenly, the only two left…" he said, beaming proudly upon Boingus and Larry, "were you."

      Masses of Neopians were pouring from the cave, their rancorous noises growing in volume, and a tide of bodies washing quickly toward Larry and Boingus.

      "Er, actually, let's get going," said the Down For Maintenance Pteri. Normally, Larry got a sense that the Pteri was a bit unhinged, but for the first time he saw a glimpse of what appeared to be unnerved. "Before they get to you. Quick!"

      Larry and Boingus crawled onto the back of the giant Pteri, more than a bit uncertain about what the future of Neopia now held.

      "Well that was fun," said Boingus.

      "I'll say!" laughed the Down For Maintenance Pteri.

      "But why would you want to free them if they still complain just the same as ever?" asked Larry. "I saw how you feared them."

      "Heh, yes," said the Down For Maintenance Pteri. "It is a complicated relationship. They are a bit hard to be around, I will grant you that. But I need them. You need them, too. When no one complains, things stay the way they are. That is fine, for a time. But, not forever. Without complaining, there is no change. Without change, there is no need for maintenance. You saw how fun it was to change things up on your adventure with Boingus, right?"

      "I certainly had fun," said Boingus, clapping his new friend on the shoulder.

      "I did too," said Larry, considering all that he had done, and, in retrospect, all the fun he had. He would have chosen to do none of it had he not met such an interesting Yellow Blumaroo.

      "Well, it was nice talking," said the Down For Maintenance Pteri. "Is this as good a place as any to drop you off?"

      Larry looked down and saw a vast, sandy desert below. The Down For Maintenance Pteri alighted right beside Coltzan's Shrine, where the ghost of the eponymous former king was resting and waiting. He looked up from the swirling sands, mouth agape in surprise.

      He looked from Larry, to Boingus, to the Down For Maintenance Pteri, and back to Larry. "Well, we certainly have a lot to talk about today, don't we?" said Coltzan. "But first, I wanted to get back to you. I did some research in the great beyond about Bilge Dice. No luck, not even for kings. But, have you ever played the game Krawps?"

      "Ugh, Krawps," said Larry. "That's not at all like Bilge Dice."

      But Boingus gave him a knowing look. Larry smiled.

      "Actually, I think I could play Krawps and be satisfied with it," said Larry.

      But then the Down For Maintenance Pteri gave Larry a knowing look. Larry laughed.

      "Hmm, my final answer is: I will have fun playing Krawps, but still hold out for the day in the future when we will all play Bilge Dice again, together."

      "That's it. It was a pleasure to meet you all," said the Down For Maintenance Pteri. He inclined his head slightly in reverence to the king. "We will be seeing more of each other in the future, I imagine."

     In a rush of sand and feathers, the Down for Maintenance Pteri lifted himself into the sky and flew off into the sunset, approaching the horizon, down to the end of Neopia.

     The End.